010105

 

San Antonio, TX

Saturday January 1, 2005

     6:37pm  I spent all day at the computer. Oh yeah, I found something to do. I'm logging all my email addresses. I've typed up like six or seven hundred so far. Man, I have soooo many email addresses to type up. Like a whole other month of work to do. I'm really proud of myself that in all these years I haven't lost one of my little email books.

                   I'm still coughing up phlegm because I smoke. It's cool. Now I have a spittoon right next to the computer. I'm going to kill myself smoking. I gave away that other pack I had. I'm still smoking weed though. I got a nugget. I should probably stop. But oh man, it's hard.

                   Man, I am getting so much work done with my mom gone. I should be out walking though. That is why I am coughing. It's not so much because I smoke, but because I have been so sedentary lately and not compensating by walking and staying active.

                   I should just go out tomorrow and walk my ass off.

                   And people think I don't work, ha.

     12:55pm  I forgot to tell you. I left the house. I'm going to go for a walk in the woods. I'm bored. I should be getting some exercise. I've been cooped up in the house for a while now. I'm going to walk to the gas station. Maybe I'll bum a cigarette. I'm real bad.

                     Right after I left the house, I got on Wickersham and it started drizzling. I started walking back to the house, then it started drizzling a little less. I'm just going to keep walking. These girls walked by and their dog came up to me and I pet him. I told them happy new year's.

     1:37pm  I made my way to my little platform up in the tree. Somebody reinforced it and put new boards on it. I'm just going to sit up here and smoke a little weed. I'm going to go down into the ditch and see if there's someone I can smoke with.

                   Oh yeah, that supposed half ounce I got from Teo, it lasted me until today. I smoked the last of it today. I got a nugget from Drew though.

                   Okay, I'm at the Walmart. Where the buses are.

     2:53pm  I'm over here at the Walmart. I haven't eaten that much so I bought me a couple double cheeseburgers at the McDonald's. I ate one and then I went for a walk in the woods and tried to find Smokestone. I had to wait an hour because I dropped off some cameras to be developed. I couldn't find Smokestone, so I just sat down in this ditch in the woods and ate. Then I came back. Oh yeah, I got two cameras developed. I had fifty six cents left over on that gift card I had got for Christmas from Laura. I gave it to some guy standing in line as I walked out. I went, "Want fifty cents?" I just handed it to him.

                   I came to the bus stop. I was thinking about walking all the way back home, but I want to go to Sam's and put my webpage on his computer. I'll go say hi to Teo or something. I really shouldn't be smoking.

     3:17pm  I'm on the 610 going to Medical Center.

     4:05pm  I just got off the 91 downtown. I'm going to go to Travis Park.

     5:17pm  What was your name again, brother?

                   Kelly: "My name is Kelly McFadden."

                   I met Kelly McFadden at the park and smoked him out. He said he's got a poem or a rhyme he wants to say. A rap.

                   Kelly: "Well, I've got miles of them, but the first one I wanted to do is about all the angry music I hear on the radio. What makes them angry usually only makes me sad or confused, but I know what I'm angry about so I wrote Fuck All That. "Fuck rich pigs, bags of shwag and the American flag. Yeah, fuck you, your Nike shoes and all they can do for you. Your next of kin and what they believe in. Things like freedom of speech, where you can breathe, the bill of rights, the power of lies. Fuck lies and ties and the congress owned by lobbyists and wise guys. Fuck greedy soulless corporations and consolidations spreading like cancer across the nation. Man, fuck the Oakland Raiders and stock traders on the phone trying to slip us the bone and bring the war home like violence is some kind of erogenous zone. Man, fuck martial law and terrorists ten feet tall getting the lame blame for an economic seesaw. Fuck Chevy trucks and patriotic fucks with their heads in the sand and easy terms on payment plans. Fuck religious fanatics and violent addicts trying to rip their death trips something something whoever they can't kill. And fuck building more prisons for John Ashcroft and his hellish visions of video surveillance and governmental supervision. We should smoke more weed and plant the seeds of peace and love and God above not push and shove to be whores for wars and liquor stores. We need creative expressions and joint sessions on urban decay in the name Yaweh. What do little kids have to say? We need to right the wrongs and sing a song that says Drop Acid Not Bombs."

                   Kelly again: "I've been houseless in this country and it's a trip."

                   Ain't it cool?

                   Kelly: "Well, see they treat me differently everywhere I go. When I went to Southern Mexico they were like mi casa es su casa. And I'm up in Northern California under a bridge freezing and people are all, "My landlord, my roommates, I don't know." I go and try to use the bathroom somewhere and they're all "Customers only!" It's as if I'm not even a human here. This is my little rhyme. It's called The House Is Not a Home. I like to write about social justice. So here it goes: "They say home is where the heart is, so let me get it started. I came from a broken home, so I was already broken hearted, but I'm not alone. I've been in a lot of houses, but very few homes. They say property stats, but what's left for the have-nots? We got squats and broke down cars parked in alleys and behind bars. First and last month's rent plus deposit and all kinds of eviction clauses. Whole families living in refrigerator boxes. People, hear my voice. Do you think it's a lifestyle choice? Hell, politricksters lie, objectify and criminalize any social mess so they don't have to address the real issue, it's living tissue, human and real. Homeless people feel all kinds of pain and strain and like anyone else who feels the shame brought on by the disdainful stares of the scared and unaware rolling buy with their doors locked changing the clock and if the tables were turned, they'd be shocked. They don't open doors to the poor. It's not all soup kitchens and missions when you're kicked to the curb you gotta learn fast society is divided by class. If poverty is social violence then so is silence. So please raise your voice and make the choice to open your eyes to injustice and open your heart to look deeper. Because I am you, you are me and I am my brother's keeper. Now, peace and love that's what I'm about what I'm trying to represent. If you're from anywhere dude you got it coming. But if you're representing, you're asking for it. What I'm asking for is peace and justice, dude. That's what I want. That's what I need."

     6:05pm  Robert, he said he had met me before, he gave me a cigarette. I appreciate it, brother. Haha, I logged that right in front of a cop.

     6:15pm  I told my story to some kids in Travis Park and I'm on the bus now. Going to go to Sam's.

     6:32pm  The greedy ass bus driver was giving this dude a big problem about buying two transfers. I was just standing there listening and this lady tells me, "You need a transfer?" She handed me two transfers and got off the bus. That guy was still trying to get another transfer off the driver and the driver was still being a greedy ass. He wanted him to pay a whole other fare. I tapped the guy on the shoulder and handed him a transfer. He smiled and just sat down. Haha, that was classic. Screw that greedy ass driver.

Next day..