050124

Wednesday May 1 2024   

11:05am  Today's the first and I am going to go stealthily record Tita and whatever she says.  I don't want to her to hear my time-stamping, so I'm doing it  now.

Tita:  Do you know how to tell if a relationship is toxic either way?  When you withdraw, how do they respond?  That's how you test how a person really feels about you.  When you withdrew from Diana, you got the real Diana.  "Why aren't you texting me anymore?  He needs to make time!"  She was indignant and angry like a man,  we all have male and female.

Victor:  She wanted her little brother back who she could control.  

Tita:  No, who she had fun with, because he shared cool shit with her.  But, it was one-way.  That's Dianita, in her true wounded self.  The wound was, "Victor, I ain't got his affection anymore.  The little that I got, that was always coming to me, like I would go visit my mom in San Francisco and he tagged along.  And now, Juliet seems like a cool person."  She tried to be artificial with me and somebody like me knew it.  I didn't tell her though and played along that I was okay with her.  Even behind the scenes I was one time, oh, there's an earthquake?  Call your sister."  That's love.  I am concerned about her even thought I don't like her, because she's part of you!  She grew up with you.  You guys have a lot of background together.  

Victor:  Right, and you love me.

Tita:  And I love you!  Of course I am going to love the people that are supposed to love you!  Anyway, we saw her woundedness.  We saw how she really felt, which was, "You need to come back to me!"  I tried to explain to her that, "Victor has other priorities now.  We have a house to maintain, we are property managers, things are going on.  He is busy!  I wanted an appointment with her.  I had every minute filled up.  She didn't respect that, that's the arrogrance.  She was so used to you attaching and being there for her every time, because I noticed that whatver you were doing, oh Diana, you were hungry for her affection.  You wanted to talk to her.  That's fine, but again, you had other things going on, you couldn't devote the time. 

The dynamic changed.  We saw her true colors and your mom?  Ya ni se diga.  Very wounded and I expect this and that.  What I was going to say earlier that I didn't finish because it's so much, when I described how I was to Ada, that I am introvert more than you, that I have a tiny circle of friends, especially now, and that I am very selective, your mom was all, "Oh, suenas como Laura(You sound just like Laura)," in a real bitchy tone!  In a condescending tone!  My eyes got all big in amazement.  Imagine if we are face to face and I am revealing something to her, being vulnerable, I was expecting her to be somebody I could trust and she hurt my feelings when she said that.

        Alright, we are hanging out in the back yard.  I ran back inside to take a quick dab and let her finish the rest of her story.  Oh, I had some good revelations this morning.  I will share the texts I had with Diana.  Continue, please.

Tita:  What I mean is that if someone is being vulnerable and telling you what they are really like, then you tell them, "Oh!  You sound like Laura!" in that tone like, "You're an idiot."  She doesn't have enough love for her own daughter to say, "We're all different."  

And remember, she loves Diana because Diana is Miss Popular.  Shes here, she's there, she travels, she's social."

Victor:  Right, she's successful, she climbed the ladder.

Tita:  To her, not to me.  Not by my definition.  We are all different.  To me that's shallow and again not having a man in her life.  I myself had my dad to take care of.  Even in a job interview I disclaimed that I would always be on-call for my dad.  It was probably a big mistake, but I told them if I need to, my dad takes priority.  That's probably why I got turned down, who knows.  I am always brazen, maybe too honest.  Remember, I was spoiled.  No matter how I was they still loved me.  Even thought it probably bothered them when I was arrogant or know-it-all, they still loved me.  They might not have warmth for me, we had arguments growing up, for sure, it wasn't that easy.  I am just saying that I was spoiled, so I need to be less arrogant.  Less self-confident.  That's a lesson for me.  

Victor:  As sure as shit.

Tita:  I am just saying when I told your mom vulnerably how I was, I was telling her that I am introverted, I like being at home, I like reading books, I like traveling, I like intimate relationships and that's why I have so few friends.  I can be extroverted when I want to.  That doesn't mean I always enjoy it.  Anyway, I was telling her about my personality and she said that in disdain.  She could've just listened to it and not verbalize her negative opinion, she was a bitch.  

Victor:  Stupid bitch, lol.

Tita:  Ha, if we were little girls in a lunchroom she would've been a bully.  That's like a bully to say, "Ha, you're like my stupid idiot Laura."  I am shocked thinking, "Not only is she insulting me, but her own daughter."  And her daughter sounds a lot like Victor!  Of course she does, you guys are fuckin' twins!  Why did I say that?  Why did this come up?

Victor:  You said something about some revelations.

Tita:  Yes, this is amazing.

Victor:  Great, oh, and I have been recording all of this time.

Tita:  Oh, I didn't know, ha.  Okay, in the middle of the night, 3am or something, I stumbled onto this.  Look at this picture.

Victor:  Alright, a buffalo and a sheep.

Tita:  Do you want to read it?  It's probably better if you read it.

Victor:  A white buffalo.  Umm, I am pretty sure I have read something like this before, way back in the Fawn Journeyhawk days.  I refuse to mirror hopium.  Anyway, "A white buffalo was born 5-25-24 in Kansas.  For those who don't know the prophecy of the white buffalo woman, which is the most significant prophecy of the Lakota people, fuck this, people can look it up if they want.

Tita:  So there's been a few?

Victor:  It doesn't matter.  There are probably hundreds.  It's recycled lore.  It screams of typical Facebook Fodder.  

Tita:  Maybe, but this is how I interpret this.  I have been sensing for a long time that gigantic, exciting positive changes are on the way to our planet.  And for ALL life on our planet.  That these changes will create quantum shifts in humanity as we step into a new way of living and being and truth, harmony, peace and unity will finally prevail.  That's what I have been going on about for years.  During Covid even. 

Crows under black light

        It just goes to show that what we see is not all there is.

Victor:  That's why I don't look down on the Flat Earth movement and I think there might be some good to it.  Even if it is TOTAL BULLSHIT it helps people imagine the world as it isn't, and I think that's the only way a lot of people are ever going to learn how to make things better than how they currently are.          

        Essentially, FE and most of the other "conspiracies" are simply prepping our minds for a totally different world.  It's up to everyone uniting to make that change better and greater than how it currently is.  If we don't do it, the dark side will in their favor, not ours.

Tita:  Flat earth, Zeitgeist, anything that's out of the mainstream reality.  

Victor:  At least it's making people wonder.

Tita:  And this is just beautiful by Rumi.  "Sorrow prepares you for joy. It violently sweeps everything out of your house, so that new joy can find space to enter. It shakes the yellow leaves from the bough of your heart, so that fresh, green leaves can grow in their place. It pulls up the rotten roots, so that new roots hidden beneath have room to grow.  Whatever sorrow takes from your heart, far better things will take their place."  - Rumi

Tita:  And this is really cool, what Andrew wrote.  It was really good so I shared it.  

Victor:  Send me anything of his.  ?   I want that on my blog right now.  Send it to me now.  

Tita:  Honey, you want everything.

Victor:  Gimme, gimme.  I can't wait to type this conversation up.  

Tita:  I shared that.  It's really good.  We will read it another time.  It is long.  Another posting of his that I had read to you I told him that he needs to compile his shit.  He needs to put it all together in a fucking book.  

"When I reflect and I meditate I come up with suggestions for the whole world. If you're feeling wiped out, rest, chill, nap, gaze at the clouds, stargaze."

"To be authentic is to be at peace with your imperfections."  

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Tita:  I have had deaths in my life, learn!  Every moment is sacred!  I am trying to yell it a different way than you are, but appreciate what you have, we chose to be here.  So am I a medicine woman?  I think so.  That's what Glen Kaufman said, I am the healer, I am the Mahatma.  I have stepped up into that role.

Victor:  I need to stop smoking.

Tita:  Yes, you do.  It's too much.  You need to rein it in.  Let's go for a walk.  

Victor:  Hold on, let me take a couple more drags.  Hey, will you warm up my coffee first?  Haha!  :P

Tita:  Haha!