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Friday May 3, 2024

11:24pm  Secure versus Insecure Attachment.  

Tita:  Well, because I had a mother and father, very loving, I knew they would always be there for me.  That's called secure attachment, right?  You had insecure-attachment.  Which means dad DID leave, maybe I did something wrong.  Mom was inconsistent, sometimes good, sometimes bad, we didn't know what to expect, there wasn't always food on the table.  Sometimes she was nice, sometimes she wasn't.  You had an insecure-attachment.  You were not sure whether you had a loving parents or not.  One even took off, that's how unsure you were.  That's attachment's style.  

How do you respond when you don't feel that security?  For me, when I don't feel that security, I become anxious.  Why isn't he showing me the love I always got from my dad or my mom?  It's that simple.  "Oh, I have to worry now.  Something is going on.  Why aren't they being loving anymore?"  Your style is avoidant!  My style is anxiety when I don't get what I need from a relationship.  Yours is an avoidance style.  That means, "Since I don't know what's up and I know something is weird, I am just going to leave.  I rather have peace."  That's when you bail on a relationship rather than sticking it out.  

That's called Trauma Bonding.