San Antonio, TX
Friday May 16, 2003
Okay, well it's already the next morning. Last night it was so hot that I took a really cold shower. When I got out of the shower I realized I didn't have any clean clothes, remember I had lost it all in LA. Naked, I headed for my little brother's room. He's seventeen and about six four or so. Since everything is emptied out of the room and in a big pile in the living room, I couldn't locate a change of clothes. So, I just wore a towel and crashed out on my mom's bed. I was exhausted. Oh yeah, I ate something when I first got in the house too.
I slept all night. When I woke up my mom was home. She told me, "Yeah, you fell asleep on my bed and I put a cover on you and put a fan in there. I told her thanks, that I appreciated it. Oh yeah, anyway I got to talk to my mom. I asked her, "What happened to the computer?" She told me it was still being fixed. My mom told me that Roadrunner had cut off her Internet because of me. They sent her an email(supposedely) asking her if Victor Gruber used her computer. She told them I was her son. They told her they had some complaints of me spamming(sending unsolicited emails) and they had to suspend her account.
Bullshit. I didn't even use the Roadrunner email service. I used compromised AOL accounts to send my mails. And they weren't unsolicited either. I would message each person individually and ask them if I could send them my ideas. I only sent to those who accepted. Since when does it hurt to ask? So something smelled fishy. I told my mom I wanted to see this email she supposedly had received.
I knew it. I knew it. I knew that's why the phone got turned off(as soon as I left it came back on)and I knew that's why the Internet went down, too. I just had a feeling. I was right. That shit was turned off because of me. So, I'm not sure what will happen next. I'm just waiting to be silenced permanently, now. I'm just waiting for the feds to come knock on my door and kill me, because I have nothing else to live for. But hey, at least I'll die happy.
Okay, let me tell you where I'm at right now. I got a little bit of weed left so I got stoned and took a shit. When I got back home yesterday I told my mom that I had lost it all. Hopefully she'll get me some stuff. If not, oh well. I'll keep doing without. When I woke up this morning, she had brought me home like three pairs of boxers. Cool. I have underwear already. She brought me a shirt, but I like my other shirt better. The polyester one my mom bought me before I left. It's great for hot weather. It's blue and has these two white stripes going down. It's like my uniform for my mission. That's all dirty though. It's all sweated up. So, I decided I was going to wash it by hand so I could wear it again.
That's what I'm going to do. I went to the sink and looked for the stopper. Damnit, no stopper anywhere. Man, everything in my mom's house is not complete. I stood there pissed and grabbed an empty soda can and noticed it fit perfectly in the drain hole of the sink. Cool, I got my stopper. I was going to plug the sink and fill it up with water. Then, I'll pour a little detergent in and start wringing and scrubbing my shirt. It'll take me like a couple minutes then I'll throw it in the dryer and start it up. Oh yeah, it's about eight eleven right now.
God damn. It's eight fifteen right now. I poured the detergent in the water and bam, the kitchen light burns out. Argh, this house is cursed. Everything breaks at my mom's. I should be used to it by now. I turned on the light over the stove. Then I went to turn on the light over the sink and guess what. That's broken, too. My mom's house is all messed up. You can tell a man hasn't lived here in forever. Just kidding, hehe. Man, my little brother is seventeen. He should start working around the house like I did when I was his age.
8:52am Okay, I'm just taking off from my mom's walking. The buses are leaving the grocery store right now, so I imagine I'll walk all the way to the grocery store since I don't have anything else to do. Umm, I wonder what I'll do today. Maybe I'll go to the library downtown and type up my stuff. I can stop by Travis Park and talk to Patrick at Pair of Dice Tattoo(where I got hooked up with my peace sign). I'll have some fun regardless.9:00am I walked down to the gas station down the street, seeing if I could bum a cigarette.
9:10am I walked into the gas station and there were like three customers at the register. I was just standing inside in the air conditioning chilling out. After all the people left the cashier was on the phone so I didn't bother him for a cigarette. All of a sudden I see him pull one out for him. Cool. Odds were now in my favor. When he got off the phone I hit him up and he hooked it up. Badass.
I was smoking outside and all of a sudden I see my friend Kristian. Back when I started ITT Tech on 9-11-01, he was my classmate. He happened to live down the street from me too. He thinks I'm crazy though, I'm sure. Anyway he saw me and said hello. I asked him where he was going and he said to work. He was driving his truck and still working at Papa John's(which I suggested to him back at ITT Tech when he was looking for a job). He told me he was running an hour late to work. I asked him if he would mind being five more minutes later and if he could give me a cruise down to the grocery store. He said sure and drove me down there.
After Kris dropped me off I saw an 87. Let me see if I can get a courtesy ride from him.
9:30am Camillo gave me a cigarette at the bus stop here by the grocery store. I was standing out here by the buses and this brother was playing with his cellphone. I asked him, "Hey man, think you can spare a couple minutes so I can call my truck driver friend?" He told me that he couldn't even get it to work and that he really needed to call his boss. I told him, "You know they have a courtesy phone inside the grocery store, right?" He was relieved and thanked me for telling him. I asked him what bus he was waiting for and he told me the 622. I asked him if he wanted me to tell the driver to wait for him if he wasn't back and he said, "That's okay." He still has like fifteen minutes here. I told him good luck brother.
I went over to the 87 driver, this black dude. I told him I could've sworn I had a dollar, if I could get a courtesy ride. There was still some time and he told me to hold on and walked over to the 622. Mr. Perez was in the 622. Now, Mr. Perez had let me on free in the past and I told him my ideas. He thinks I'm crazy and never hooks me up with rides anymore. I bet you ten bucks that when the 87 driver went to talk to him, that Perez was talking shit about me. I know it. The guy talked to Perez for a while and then he came back. I saw the 605 pull up on the other side and I went to go hit that driver up. The driver told me to go ask the 620 guy because they both went to the hospital, just different ways. I told him I had already asked him and he told me no(which was bullshit, I just knew the 605 driver wouldn't give me any more rides). So, I walked over to the 87 dude who was already in his bus. He opened the door and I told him, "So how about it, brother?" He told me sorry, that he couldn't give me a ride. Man, there wasn't anybody else on his bus and I sure as hell wasn't going to rat him out. I told him, "Ahh, Mr. Perez was talking shit about me, wasn't he?" He denied it, but I know better. What a prick Mr. Perez is. Damnit. I'm going to be stranded for another hour and when the buses come back around, it's going to be the same drivers. I should either walk home or walk all the way to Carlos'. I guess I'll walk to Carlos and Bob's.
10:03am Well, that was really interesting. I walked by the Goodwill Donation Station and I asked the guy for a cigarette again, hehe. I knew it was the same guy that told me no yesterday, but I was just messing with him. After he told me no yesterday I should have told him, "You know, for someone who cares so much about money, you really shouldn't be working at the Donation Station." Well, I told him that today. We got all into it. He's almost as ignorant as my mom. He wouldn't listen to me. He wouldn't shut up. It was funny. I got him all riled up. I stopped him and told him, "Hey, you know you could just go inside your little box and ignore me, right? But, I think you're getting off to this, too. Or else you would've shut up a long time ago." He smiled and told me, "You're right. I am getting off to this." I told him, "Well, glad to be of service," and walked to the grocery store. I'm going to go on a badass nature hike. I want a cigarette first.10:10am No luck on a cigarette at the grocery store so I decided to walk through these woods behind the field behind the store. Man, I just came upon this creek bed, which is right behind Wood's End neighborhood where I used to live pre-1990. I got all these flashbacks of the woods back here. Right now I am in this huge dried up riverbed. It's still astonishingly beautiful. I can't believe it's right behind a suburban neighborhood. Man, this little experience was exactly what I needed to lift my spirits. It's the coolest thing when nature slaps you in the face like this. Damnit, there's a police siren going off now, ruining my little moment.
Wow, this is perfect. I was stressing and having a bad day. Walking in this wilderness made everything better. It's beautiful. It's so cool that it's right here smack-dab in the middle of civilization. Wow.
10:40am I bummed a cigarette at the Exxon from Ruby. Cool. 10:51am I hiked all the way up to the pavilion. I'm going to take a hit and smoke a cigarette. Oh yeah, Ruby had given me two cigarettes. I'll get to smoke one here and then one at my hideout at the top of the cliff. Perfection. I like Ruby, she's pretty too.
11:05am Okay, I'm sitting here under the pavilion smoking, having some cool thoughts. I saw a Parks and Recreation guy cleaning up trash here. He drove off in a company truck. I thought, "Hey, that would be a perfect job for me. I could go around cleaning trash at all the parks in San Antonio. They'll give me a truck to drive around in." I would love to do that. Give me some projects, willya? Hmm, I wonder if they drug-test. It would be a really cool job to do stoned. Hmm, It's a fallback job. Maybe I can do that until November rolls around and I can go back to West Telemarketing. Okay, I'm ready to hike up to my hideout and smoke this other cigarette.
11:30am I'm walking through the park on this trail. All of a sudden I see a snake in the trail! I've never seen a snake in these woods. I thought it was too surrounded by civilization. That there was too many vibrations. It was badass. It's just sitting there. It slithered out of the trail when it saw me coming. It's black with brown stripes running down. It's not a rattlesnake. I can see it's tail. That's crazy.
11:58am I'm still walking towards Carlos' house. Badass, I've never been able to figure out a way from the park to come out where I want to, the field that connects over right next to Carlos'. Today I figured it out though. Perfect. Cool. Now, I don't have to walk through the boring neighborhood to get to his house. This is cool, I'm almost there.
12:35pm I knocked on Carlos' door and Bob answered. Him and Tim were about to drive up to the Pakistan(the gas station at the entrance of the neighborhood) to buy some cigarettes. I asked if I could ride with them and Bob told me okay. We pulled up to it and guess what. It burned down. Rumor had it that someone had driven a truck through the front window and tried to steal the ATM machine. Somehow a fire started. See how evil money is?
Dude, the Pakistan was Bob and Carlos' umbilical cord to beer. I felt sorry for them. Anyway, we drove over to the Prue and Babcock intersection and for some reason turned around. We drove back over Prue to where Babcock turns into Dezavala. I told them to just drop me off at the gas station. When they dropped me off I told them I was kind of hungry. In the shopping complex I spotted a Mexican restaurant and told Bob I was going to hit 'em up for some "gasoline for my stomach," hehe. Bob took off and I walked over to the restaurant.
It was closed. I started walking back to the gas station and saw these hip-lookin' kids sitting on a bench outside. Whoa, in front of Antonio's Pizza. Kickass. After they went back inside, I went in and gave 'em my line. They said sure they would hook it up. Badass. They gave me a bigass sandwich and told me to get out of there before their boss came back. Joey hooked a brother up good. I gave Joey my email address.
Badass. They hooked me up phat at the pizza place with a good sandwich. I came over here by the gas station and sat down next to it and munched. Afterwards, I can smoke the cigarette Bob hooked me up with when he bought a pack of cigarettes right before he left. A Camel Wide. Man, I missed San Antonio so much.
I sat outside after I finished my cigarette for a while, like twenty minutes. This dude comes out of the gas station and I tell him peace. I notice he's holding two packs of Basic's that he just bought. I ask him, "Hey brother, can you spare a cigarette?" He goes sure and gives me two. Kickass. He's driving a white F-150 XLT Lariat, license plate 1MR-R49.
I walked all the way to Spring Time. I saw a 604 coming headed towards University Hospital. I run to the stop and wave it down. I told the driver, "Hello, sister. I just got back from California yesterday. I spent all my money. I don't suppose you could give me a courtesy ride." She told me, "No, no, no. Last time you rode on this line you rode free also." Damn. They know who I am then. That's what I want, though. Just for them to know.
1:39pm Wow, I just took off down some street in this neighborhood. I went down this street that said "No Outlet" on it. Hell dude, there is always an outlet when you're on foot. I went through this ditch and I'm in these woods now that I have never been in. There's always an outlet. See how the government lies to you? No outlet my ass. No outlet if you're a slave in a death-machine.1:45pm Oh my gosh. I am so glad I came out walking today. I am really glad the bus didn't give me a ride. I have found a badass lake out here in these woods. It's right behind this new neighborhood they built out here(wherever here is). Wow, it's huge. I can't even see the end of the lake from where I am standing. I bet there's fish in this lake. Bob needs to know about this place. On this muddy clearing on the other side of the lake, there's all these ducks. How cool. What a great nature hike I'm having today. It's awesome. Man, I don't even know where this lake is. As soon as I hit a street I'll know where it is. Hmm, I'm going to head towards this road over here to the right.
I'm walking along the lake. I came up to this part where there's tons of lily pads in the water. As I walk by, I see all these big frogs jumping away into the water. That's so cool.
Okay, that road I saw is Prue. The neighborhood the lake is behind is called Woodridge Village.
Okay, the time is about two thirty four. I walked all the way to West . I just got on the 96 at West Telemarketing. I asked the nice driver Mr. Macias for a lift and he gave me a courtesy ride. How generous of him. Sweet.
Okay, I just left the Cody Branch Library over on Vance Jackson close to Huebner. Only my friend Renee had emailed me and I replied to her. I like Renee a lot. I wrote her a loving email back. I'm out here in front of the library waiting for the bus. I figure if the one going outbound to West doesn't give me a courtesy ride, the one coming from West will. I have to keep my eyes peeled in case I see the other one coming and I can dodge traffic across the street.
Right now these little kids just walked by. It's three fifty two. They walked by and one said, "Hey man, I like your hat. Where did you get it?" I told him California. He told me, "I got me one like that at Marleyfest," smiled and kept walking.
4:00pm Well, the 96 finally came coming from West going downtown. It pulled up and the lady driver opened the door. I got on and told the driver, "I just got back from California and I spent all my money. Think I can get a courtesy ride?" She told me, "I've seen you around. Just last week." I told her, "You must be mistaken, I had been in California last week. Want me to tell you the story?" She smiled and waved me on. I stood there leaning on the front wheel-well and started telling her the story. She told me, "I just ask you to sit down, brother." I shut up and did what I was told to. Hehe, got my ride. I don't remember what her name was.4:50pm Oh, the coolest shit just happened on the bus. This old lady got on and told the driver, "Oh, could you please call a taxi cab for me? I hurt my foot and I can't walk home from the bus stop." I overheard the conversation and the lady was getting off at Gardina and Vance Jackson, where I was getting off. I had this Mexican restaurant in mind to go hit up for something to eat. I offer to help the old lady. Like call the taxi cab for her. I asked the lady, "Would the driver putting the wheelchair ramp down help any? So you won't have to step down off the bus?" She told me yes and thank you.
When we got to Gardina, the driver saw me getting up and asked me if I was going to help the old lady. I told her of course, so she smiled and tore me off a transfer. Aww, cool move. While we were still on the bus, the old lady gives me a dollar bill so I could get change for the phone call. I ask her, "I don't suppose you could spare like three more dollars for a pack of cigarettes? She got this disgruntled look on her face and handed me two bucks.
Anyway, at Gardina I helped the old lady shuffle down the ramp and sat her down in the bus bench. Then I walked across the street to the Habib-mart on the corner. I went inside, handed the dollar to the cashier and asked him for quarters. He gave me the change and I went outside to the payphone and dialed 222-2222. The dispatcher that answered was this lady and I explained to her the situation about the old lady and how I was just being a good Samaritan and calling a cab for her. The operator asked me what the lady's name was and I told her I didn't know. That I could walk across the street and ask. The dispatcher told me she needed a name, so I asked her if she would hold. I ran across the street and asked the old lady her name, came back and had the cab dispatched.
I had two dollars and fifty cents left after I made the phone call. I asked the Arabian cashier if he would let me have a box of Marlboro Lights for the money I had. He told me I could get a cheaper kind, but I said no. I'll bum up some change until I have the three thirty for the Marlboro's. In no time I had like three fifteen. I went inside and asked the dude if I could get a pack of Marlboro's for what I had and he told me no, that I needed fifteen more cents. I went back outside so I could ask for fifteen more cents. Some manager Indian dude comes outside and tells me I can't just be standing there in front of the store. I tell him, "I just need to bum up fifteen more cents, one-five. Then I can buy my cigarettes." He says, "Oh, I can give you fifteen cents." Cool. See, everybody's got it in 'em.
Anyway, after I had my cigarettes I walked back over to the old lady at the bus bench. I told her, "Don't think I've forgotten about you. What? The taxi never came?" She said, "I just saw him drive by." I had told her that she would have to wave him down, duh.
The old incapacitated lady started to get up. I asked her, "Where are you going? You're going to hurt yourself." She told me she was going to walk home. I asked her where she lived and she said, "I don't care to tell you." I was just wondering how far away her house was, I didn't want her physical address or anything.
Damn, this old lady copped an attitude. I asked her, "Come on. You really think you're going to get all the way home on that foot without hurting yourself? You need a serious reality-check. Are you sure you don't want my help? If I leave you alone, are you going to get all the way home without hurting yourself?" She was all limping and barely moving and told me, "Yes, just leave me alone. Thanks for your help." I stood around for about a minute and when the bus came I just got on it. Cool, at least I got some cigarettes.
Hmm, I skipped a really cool part on my tape recorder. See, I walked to Fredericksburg and I was going to ride the 92 downtown to see what would happen. I was on the 92 and as it was passing the new HEB on West Avenue, I saw all these cops and TV cameras in front of this pawn shop. I assumed it had been broken into and it was a news story. I got the weird impulse to get off the bus there. I got the idea that if I just stood around, maybe I could get on camera somehow and be seen on TV with my rainbow beanie and walking staff. I stood closeby and lit a cigarette. I noticed one of the camera men panning the surrounding scene and I hoped I got on TV. Just then, I hear someone call out, "Victor!" I turn my head and I see this girl in a car waving at me. I run over to the car. She looked real familiar but I didn't recognize the girl at first. She was in the passenger seat and some older woman was driving. I immediately asked, "Hey, can you give me a ride somewhere?" They let me climb in the backseat. I asked the girl, "Hey, who are you again? I meet so many people every day." She was all, "You don't remember? I'm Lauren. You met me and Zai at MarleyFest(4-6-03) and you called us not too long ago from San Diego(on a trucker's phone)." I said, "Oh yeah! Now I remember. You guys are fixing up a van to go to California soon. When are you leaving?" She told me at the beginning of next month. They had invited me before I took off by myself, but I had gotten that weird sign, remember.
Anyway, they live right there in the neighborhood in front of HEB. All the houses are Hansel and Gretel style and lots of hippies live there. Badass. The lady driving the car just happened to be Zai's mom. I asked them where Zai was and they told me he was at home still working on the van. Cool. We drove to the house and I went inside. It's a beautiful hippie home with window unit air conditioning, like the rest of the neighborhood. I walked with Lauren to the back yard and slapped some skin with Zai. Man, he's got a dream machine. He put new carpeting all inside the van, and was going to build a big frame for a mattress. Going to California in this hippie van would be a dream come true for me. Zai said I'm welcome to come and to try to round up fifty bucks for gas. Him and Lauren would really like it if I came because I have traveling experience. Dude, they're leaving the second of next month. I have a court date I have do be at in San Marcos the twenty second of this month. Depending on the outcome of that, I think I'm going to hitch a ride with Zai and Lauren back to Berkeley. See, that's what I get for walking around today.
Anyway, I offered Zai my help with the van project he was working on. I told him, "Man, if you will let me crash in the van tonight, I will go gonzo helping you out." He says, "Sure man, you can spend the night if you want." Sweet. I'll help Zai out. He made this awesome frame that fit perfectly into the back of the van. It was huge and really made it cool. He's going to put a panel down and put a mattress on top. There will even be storage space underneath it. Zai had his project cut out for him, but in the end he won.
Okay, well after it got dark and we stopped working on it, we went inside and hung out. They smoked me out and when I ran out of smokes, they hooked me up. Okay, from this point on is where I recorded more stuff:
Lauren came out into the living room and she had all this stuff on her face. I went, "Hey, what's that?" She said, "It's a facial mask. You want one?" So, I got me a green clay mask and it has lavender oil in it. I have to leave this on for twenty minutes. It's an astringent and it will do my pores good. Cool.
I crashed out on their couch next to the air conditioner and had a great night's sleep.
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