060106

 Paonia, CO

Thursday June 1, 2006

     7:19am  (sobbing) I think I just made the worst mistake I could have made. I am so stupid. I woke up all wrong. Everything's gone to shit. I'm a liar. I want to die.

     8:32am  I just took a picture of Bernadette. She reminds me of somebody from a Dr. Seuss book.  A citizen of Whoville. No offense, seriously.  She's hot.  Look at her. Isn't she? Right now we are covering up the grow tunnels. I should take a picture of that too.

     12:07pm  I just took a picture of the sign in the outhouse that says, "Republican campaign contributions," with an arrow pointing down. I helped dig that nine foot shitter hole.

     7:02pm  I just heard the dinner bell. I was up here typing my stuff, or proofreading rather. I should take a picture of this apartment.

     9:43pm  Carol and I, it's late, we're off of work, I'm stoned. Carol got me high again and Sam came over. He's got his shelter right behind our tent. Well, right behind Pax's. He's got a story. Take it from here, "Um I don't know. See, I've been hanging out with this monk. I met him through my friend Aaron. We were in a meditation class. I went to it a couple times and had a good experience(Be sure to email Sam about this story. I couldn't understand it on my recording). Breathe away the pain. I really feel the system has about four years left. 2008. It's like eating itself. And this is what brought it on."

                   Download Mother Earth Spirituality - Native American Paths Between Ourselves and One World. Be sure to get an excerpt from that book.

                   Carol, "This is Einstein. "The more knowledge we acquire the more mystery we find. A human being is part of the whole called by us the universe. A part limited in time and space. He experiences his himself, his thoughts, his feelings as something separate from himself. A kind of optical illusion of his consciousness. This illusion is kind of a prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all these creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty. Nobody is able to achieve this completely, but the striving for such achievement is, in itself, part of the liberation and a foundation for inner security."

Next day..