122202

 

San Antonio, TX

Sunday December 22, 2002

                   Okay, it's Sunday. I haven't been recording much today. I had my stuff out around 6am. Nobody was coming by so I went for a walk in the neighborhood and I saw some black guy walking and I asked him, "Hey man, you want some free stuff? All you gotta do is take it away?" He said sure, walked back, checked it all out and took some stuff. He told his neighbor about it and later on this guy pulled up in a truck and he took my 15 inch monitor and looked through the clothes and grabbed a lot and gave me 10 bucks. He was all, "My wife is going to be pissed." He came back later on and grabbed a wooden stool I had. he dug in his pocket and gave me 50 cents. I told him, "That's cool man, anything else you want? just take it."

                   Hehe, what a good day. Damn, it's already 2. Well, I guess it hasn't been that good a day. It's already 2:24pm and nobody's taken that much stuff. Just little odds and ends here and there. These girls walked by and took most of my empty CD cases. I told them I had CD's too and they asked me, "Are any of them Christian music?" I told them no and they said that was the only kind of music they were allowed to listen to. I told them sorry and they took a couple shirts. Man, I can't believe I'm having so much trouble giving my shit away.

                   Shweet, what a rad day I'm having. I haven't been taping that much just because I've been out here just sitting on my ass. There hasn't been any change in scenery or anything. I've just been sitting in front of my house all day. Not too many people came. Some people did come and in the end I gave away all the good stuff. I told them about my walk to the West Coast and I was accepting donations so in the end I got $50. Hehe, even when I'm not working I get money. People were coming up to me and asking, "Why are you getting rid of it all?" My reply was, "If I give away all my stuff, I wont have anything to lose and I can walk to California."

                   I looked through my pocket calendar and I called people who's phone numbers I had. First, I called this girl Sabrina. Sabrina is the coolest girl I've ever met and she's not from AOL. Back before I left for California the first time, in all my walking, I walked to this bar close to Blanco/Lockhill Selma. This was back when I was always bummin' Marlboro Miles off people. I had gone into a bar there and asked everyone smoking for their Marlboro Miles. When I went out, I went to the gas station across the street. This is back when I lived on Vance Jackson/Huebner, so it was about a 3-4 mile walk home, I guess. I'm not sure what the reason was, but I felt like asking someone for a ride. At the gas station, this girl was using the phone there. When she finished I told her, "Hi, I don't live that far from here. You think you can gimme a ride?" I think I told her I had hurt my foot or some bullshit. She looked me over, saw my stick and I guess I looked trustworthy because she said ok. She was this very attractive young girl. I don't remember how old she was, just that she wasn't that much younger than me. Sabrina is cool as shit. She asked me if I had any weed and I told her I had some at my apartment. She said, "Oh, so we're going to your apartment then." So we went back to my place and I showed her all the stuff on my computer. She seemed impressed.

                   Shit, I had to stop recording. My mom just left with my nephew to go see Christmas lights. Man, I fucking hate holidays. I don't even celebrate my birthday. I celebrate every day.

                   I came out to the balcony because my little brother came out of the computer room and started talking to me. He was telling me how he was going to set a trap for the guys who had paintballed the house a couple days ago. I told him, "What? Are you going to sniper them?" He said yeah and I told him I had already thought of that. Then he started telling me, "Yeah, then I'm going to..." I cut him off and finished his sentence, "You're going to get on the roof and hide behind the chimney, right?" He said, "Yeah, man! How did you know?" I told him I had already thought of it the night they shot up the house. Well anyway, since he came in I stopped recording myself, because I feel dumb recording myself in front of someone else.
                   Anyway, back about my day. Oh yeah, Sabrina. Now Sabrina is this really cool girl who I met and she smokes weed and she liked all my computer stuff. Thing is, I noticed Sabrina was kind of obsessive about some things. Well, not obsessive but, umm, it's kind of hard to explain. I showed her AOL and how you can search people's profiles with the member directory. She started hunting down dirt on her ex boyfriend, Matt. She knew her ex boyfriend's screen name and password, it was MISCALCULATED1, if my memory serves me. Anyway, she was searching for full names and it would return results for just the first name. She looked at all these profiles and convinced herself that the random people it pulled up were somehow related to her ex boyfriend. Like she was looking at this one girl's profile that mentioned Matt everywhere. She was like, "This is the bitch he was cheating on me with!" She started making up all this weird stuff. I told Sabrina, "Sorry Sabrina, but that could be anybody. There are millions of people on AOL." She even went as far as to call Matt up and leave a message on his machine accusing him of all this shit she'd gotten from AOL. I reminded her that it was only stupid AOL and that she was jumping to conclusions. I didn't, and still don't think any less of her. She hadn't been around computers much and I couldn't expect her to understand everything so quick. In the end, she was all, "Maybe you're right, Victor."
                   I was sitting at my garage sale today, err..garage-give and I was bored and I was thinking I had to get some people over here. So I pulled out my pocket calendar that I've kept since April. I had written people's phone numbers in there over the months. I was going through and calling these people asking them if they wanted to come look through all my stuff, that it was all free.
                   Now, I had tried calling Sabrina before, months ago. I let it ring and she never answered or anything. Let me back up a little bit. I think I know why she didn't answer.

                   See, one night when we were hanging out at the computer, she stayed all night and we were all stoned and for some reason we started talking about sex. I was telling her how I really loved going down on my ex-girlfriend and I had perfected it to an art. I told her how it was an awesome power trip making a girl cum without my dick. We were just talking about sex and somehow I mustered up enough balls to ask her if I could go down on her. I assured her it would be as strictly friends. Now, I think that may have been a little inappropriate, but hey, we all make mistakes right. I was just thinking to myself, "Damn, this girl is hot. It would be really cool if I could do that." After that night, when I tried calling her she never answered her cellphone. I assumed I freaked her out by asking her that.
                   Well, today while I was sitting there at my garage sale I called her up and she answered! I told her, "This is Victor, do you remember who I am?" She was all surprised and said, "Yeah! How have you been doing?!" I told her I had been great. Man, she's really cool. She still remembered me and I started thinking that maybe she hadn't found my offer months ago offensive and that I just hadn't been able to get a hold of her. I started talking to her and telling her how so much shit had happened since I last talked to her. I started reading her my scripts about my stories and shit. I told her I had been diagnosed bipolar at the state hospital and she said that she had been diagnosed bipolar twice. Whoa, cool. She told me she was having all these shitty problems and that she was really happy to hear from me. I told her about what I planned to do and she said, "You know Victor, I think you're going to be one of the most successful people alive. You are so intelligent. You're a sweetheart, Victor" Wow! What an ego-boost! She said I was going to be so successful, she didn't say rich. She told me exactly what I have been telling myself for months now. Stuff that everybody thinks I'm crazy for thinking. She hadn't even read my stuff either. She had just seen all the stuff I had on my computer when she came over months ago. I told her we had to hang out soon and she seconded, even offered to smoke me out. She said she had to go right then. She told me to call her cellphone back so she would have my number on her caller-id and that she would call me back. I asked her, "Why don't I just give it to you," and she said because she didn't have a pen. I told her that if I didn't hear from her in a couple hours that I would call her just to check what was going on(I wasn't going to lose her again). She was supposed to call by now and she hasn't. I hate anticipation and suspense. I hate waiting for things, but who doesn't. I have grown to be more patient lately though. Patience is virtue, so they say. Ugh, its like 8:30pm and I already called her once with no reply.
                   I just want to go hang out with this girl again. She's really cool. I'm thinking about giving her a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to get the hell away from San Antonio and get away from all her problems. She's going through major shit with her parents, like I am with my mom. I want to make this appealing to her. First, I'll ask her if she wants to walk to California with me. I would tell her, "Listen, we could just walk until you get tired and then we'll just hitch-hike. I'll find a place for us to sleep, I'll take care of us, I'll keep us fed and I'll get us all the way out there. I'll take care of you if you come with me. You're a welcome responsibility." Now, if she wants to go, she might say, "Well, I have a car. Why don't we just drive?" Then, and only then would I consider taking a car to California. I could get things done so much quicker if I got there sooner. I wouldn't get the education of walking, but hey, I can always walk back. I think I'm smart enough to pull some shit off already. Not to mention, I would have a companion with me.
                   It would just be the coolest thing in the world. I don't know. Maybe I'm just dreaming again. It would just be awesome. Man, if she said yes, first, I would have company on my trip. Second, that she'd be willing to take her car. That would just be icing on the cake and it would be awesome. I've just decided right now. I'm not just going to come out and ask her. I'm going to let her read my book and this is going to be one of the chapters in it. And, this will kind of be a test on her patience. I've got 20somthing chapters so far and this chapter will be deep in the book. I'm going to see if she reads all my stuff. Now, if some time passes and it's getting to be close to the end of the year and I wanna leave already, then I'll tell her to read this chapter as soon as possible. Then, at least I'll know if she'll even consider it. Now, if she needs time to consider it, I am willing to stay past the end of the year, but if she doesn't want to, I'll leave without her. I still have to do this. It would kind of be her loss. I've said it before, but when I get my global-voice and make some changes, I will have my pick of companions. Right now, she is my preliminary-choice even before it even happens. She's just the perfect girl. We had fun just hanging out. Okay, well I'm going to go inside. I think the computer is free and I'm going to go type this up.

10:22pm  IRC MSG with VyRuZ.   

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