darcysaga

This is from when I was living in Weed in 2013 or so.  I met Darcy at Karaoke night at the bar and she came up to my room at the Black Butte Saloon where I lived.  We just felt each other up, I think, but nothing happened.  She pursued me, but I said no.  She insisted, so I ratted her out to her pastor husband.  Interesting read. 

Dec 7 at 12:56 PM

I'm SO glad you called!!!!

Darcy

Dec 8 at 4:01 PM

A big kiss for you. 

Darci

Dec 9 at 11:55 AM

(See, she found out her son was going to visit Santa Barbara soon and he had requested for his mom not to know.  She got really depressed and started cutting her arms, threatening to kill herself.  I emailed her after I hung up on her.)

     Darcy, hey, I am sorry about your son.  We live in a world where wrong has right-of-way.  I became frustrated when you started displaying Ashley-behavior.  Ashley is heartbroken that she lost her son too.  CPS and her family were justified in taking him from her, in my opinion, because she can't even care for herself.  She cuts herself from time to time too and is always talking about killing herself.  When I accuse her of being suicidal for cutting herself she says it's because she's in so much pain that she welcomes a distraction of actual physical pain to help her cope with her reality.  She says she wouldn't actually kill herself because she'll go to hell. 

     I know you hate being compared to her, but the similarities are just too big for me to ignore.  I am so damn tired of playing that whole gonna kill myself game.  It is so damn offensive making people who care about you worry like that.  It does nothing but build resentment.

     Ashley, like you is also living a lie.  She lives lots of them, simultaneously. I'm not calling you a tweaker like her, but you both go against the teachings you claim to live by.  It's blatant hypocrisy.  Thou shalt not commit adultery.  Mark either deserves honesty or loyalty and you provide him with neither.  You are not happy with who you are with, yet you play along for the sake of your own security.  Does it seem like a good trade-off to you?

     And people wonder why I think Christianity is the work of the devil.  Many have been deceived.

     With Ashley I learned it's not nice to shatter people's delusions with honesty.  Some people just can't handle the truth.  If you don't lie, you don't have to remember anything...and I've got a bad memory.  At first I played along too, but I couldn't master the act.  It just felt way too wrong in my bones to support and blindly continue enabling her lies. 

     What put it over the top for me was when, after only one uneventful night together, you get jealous when someone closer to my age shows interest in me.  And I don't really think Tamar is interested in my no-job having ass.  You became so possessive that you had the audacity to hang up on me because of it.  I called you back to see why you had, so that I would be justified in hanging up on you instead.

     Be true to yourself, to what you really want and then and only then will things start to improve in your life.  If you keep lying to yourself and others you will only get what you deserve.  You reap what you sow.

Are you familiar with George Carlin?   I think like him.  If you've never heard this skit I'd be interested in what you think of it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8r-e2NDSTuE

What's somewhat funny is, at the end he says, "if there is a god may he strike me dead."      George Carlin died in 2008.

Here's some interesting reading on psychiatry:  www.sntp.net

Even after just that one night, I care about you, Darci.  I don't want to be your enemy and would like to remain amicable with you.  Maybe after you've dealt with your demons and become truly free we can relate better.  I'd still like to be your friend.  Please allow it.  I can't accept your stuff either.  I won't even open the bag. It'll be here when you are ready for it.

Love,

- Victor Antonio

Dec 9 at 2:57 PM(voicemail)

Hey, Victor, it's Darcy.  Umm, I'm not sure if you got my messages or not, but umm, do me a favor.  I shared with you a lot of really personal stuff.  And, so keep that to yourself, ok.  Cause I gotta live here.  Keep the bag full of stuff, use the gift certificate, whatever, it's only fifteen bucks.  And I'm just gonna chalk this up to experience.  That it would've never worked Cause i would've not liked to have been in a room.  I'm used to being in houses and condos and driving fancy cars and you know, that whole thing.  I know it's bad, but oh well.  Take care.

Dec 9 at 3:52 PM

Hi Victor,

First off, not all Christians are hypocrites.  Last night was the first night I ever "pulled" anything like that in 52 years.  I was desperate and heartbroken over my son.  I was a damn good mother.  My ex is a good father too.  We both made sure that my son knew growing up that he is so very loved by both of us.  I spoiled him rotten materially.  That's where I goofed. 

Also, Victor, my son has been ill for 8 years with Systemic Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis.  He's suffered enough already.  He has anger over it.  It is an auto-immune disease with implications that are too many to write in this email.  As far as my having "demons," I don't accept that, as a Christian. 

At least Ashley is trying....she's getting help from Christians so I thought.  She's an addict, Victor, and that's a tough one. 

I do love Mark.  Mark and I go back years.  We had a very rough year this year, one that I do not ever want to relive.  Mark is sweet and kind and handsome and godly.  Yes, he made a mistake when he pushed my son.  We had a very long talk on the phone last night.  He knows about you.  He says you're no challenge for him.  I admire his confidence.

Christianity is not of the devil.  People are flawed, Victor. I have a saying: Next time you feel like you're perfect, try walking on water.

Jesus' love is agape love, Greek for "perfect." 

His mercy and grace are everlasting.  My ministry is one that a lot of people/Christians won't even touch.  I help 20 and 30-somethings who've been sexually exploited and/or abused.  My friend Annie Lobert has a ministry called "Hookers for Jesus," meaning the fish hook and not prostitution, however, she was a prostitute in Las Vegas and Jesus saved her out of it, even after being beaten and thrown in the trunk of a Mercedes to die.

Jesus is real. He loves you; he loves me; he loves Ashley.  He loves my son.

He died on the Cross for all of the crap we "pull."  He never, ever gives up on us, when humans will.

Yes, we can remain friends.  Of course.  But I need you to call me.  That would be a good start.

from your ex-materialistic, somewhat crazy friend,

Darcy

Dec 9 at 3:55 PM

Victor,

Even the strongest Christians I know have had times in their lives that they want to "give up."  There is only one unforgivable sin, and I can discuss that with you later, if you wish. 

I do love Mark, and that's why I was so grateful that we didn't do anything that night.  That's also what made me get up and go home.

Darcy

Dec 9 at 4:38 PM

 Darcy,

Sorry I didn't answer when you called.  Coincidentally, Tamar had come over and I was working diligently on putting her karaoke song together.  We just hung out, me sitting in my chair and her on the bed.  Not even a hug when she left.  I wasn't too hopeful about Tamar and I getting to know each other better.  But who knows.  Sorry again for not answering, it would've just been awkward after yesterday.

Victor  

Darcy's Reply:

Dec 9 at 5:19 PM

oh, okay

Dec 9 at 5:55 PM

Hey,

I saw that I missed your call.  I'm Southern and old school, so I broke some rules when I called you.  A true lady waits for the guy to call, even if it's just a friend.

Call me, please.

Darcy

Dec 10 at 11:33 PM

Hi,

Remind me I need to get that bag that you picked up from Eric.

Thanks,

Darcy

Dec 11 at 1:11 AM

Hi Victor,

I've been doing a lot of thinking.  First off, let me tell you that I am sorry that I said "I'd jump on top of you" during our conversation earlier yesterday.  You swiftly reminded me that I am married. 

You've brought up Christianity and how it's of the devil, which I think even in your heart you do not really believe that's true.

I am a "true" Christian, not a fake.  And being so, I have no business having you over here to Mark's and my condo.  It's too risky to let the friendship go to another level.  Mark and I have come a very long way.  I do love him.

I love Jesus more.  I don't want to take advantage of His grace.  I don't want to be a hypocrite. 

I've met and been around people from all walks of life.  My life, except for the problems with my son, is good. We are buying this condo, most likely while the prices are low.  My number one goal in this life should be -- and will be -- to serve the Lord with all of my heart, serve my family, and serve others and share His grace with those who've never experienced it.  And, of course, His love.

Jesus came to earth so that we may have joy while here.  The choice is ours.  Anybody can call themselves a Christian.  It doesn't mean they are.  Like I said, I am, and want to stay a "true" Christian.

Talk to you later,

Darcy

Dec 11 at 6:10 PM

Darcy,

     I've been doing a lot of thinking too.  It was weird.  I woke up 10 minutes ago because I heard your twang saying, "Are you there by yourself?"  It was weird.  Are you trying to contact me in my dreams?  I rarely have dreams anymore after my second head injury.  I usually just go to sleep and wake up. 

     In my heart, after learning about all the lives that have been lost in the name of God, the crusades, etc, I firmly believe it's true that Christians have been and are being deceived.  They didn't call him The Great Deceiver for nothing.  I think Christianity is simply a ploy to get people NOT to mind dying so the elite can more easily depopulate the world, because fewer people are easier to control.  The absolute truth is written in nature.  It can be read to this day.  Humanity's true rulebook is written in our hearts.

     Of course you can retrieve your bag.  I've been saving it for you.  Remember I said, "It'll be here when you are ready for it."   Just know that if you and Mark ever have a falling out, you'd be way more than welcome to jump on top of me(unless I am with someone).  You are quite the cougar and you know it.  :]

Love,

- Victor 

Dec 11 at 1:40 PM

The fact that you just called my Lord and Saviour "The Great Deceiver" officially ends our friendship.  I am soooo glad I did not get involved with you.  I will stop by later and beep if that's okay for the bag.

p.s.  satan's name is "The Great Deceiver" and "The Prince of Darkness"  You are duped, my love.

Dec 11 at 2:52 PM

Darwin repented before he died.

Dec 11 at 10:06 PM

It's interesting:  I've never met anyone with no goals.  I've never met anyone who lives for "love and peace" and yet calls Jesus a deceiver.  He's is NOT.  He even loves you, even after what you said about him.

Your interpretation of Christianity is vile.  You're 35 and your big "thing" is karaoke!  No motivation to life a responsible life. 

Interesting.......and don't ever call me a cougar again.

Darcy

Dec 12 at 11:08 AM

I wasn't referring to God as the great deceiver, I was talking about the devil.  I don't refer to the devil as that, he hasn't deceived me.  The Holy Bible, the Christian Grail, refers to Satan as The Great Deceiver.  If we can't agree to disagree on that then we're better off not getting involved.  Plus, your married!

http://www.onlinebaptist.com/home/topic/15053-the-great-deceiver/

Dec 12 at 12:43 PM

 Darcy,

    My only goals right now are to be happy and live in peace, find love and and not lie to anyone.  Other than that I just let things happen.  I am free to let things happen.  If you don't make plans you never get let down.  I try to have a general direction, of course, but half the fun is getting there.

     In my quest for knowledge I learned exactly why there can't be world peace through marijuana.  I learned more about the eugenics agenda to depopulate the world.  I learned about the blatant mind control tactics they still use to this day.  I learned how for 90% of the population there's not much time left.  Even if I were allowed to live I would not want to in the totalitarian slave-society they have planned for the future.  That's also the reason I won't have any kids.    

     After learning these things I lost all hope and was ready to leave this world.  Nothing seemed worth doing anymore.  I gave up.  I quit my seven year mission, threw in the towel and went back to my mom's house in Texas.  My mom still pressured me to get on disability.  I told her, "Mom, it's been almost ten years since my wrecks, I hear you get denied a lot of times, I hear you need a lawyer, etc,  but ok, I'll try."  My medical records must have spoken volumes because I got approved in less than a month.

     I'll be the first to say it, I don't deserve to be on SSI.  I'm not disabled.  I am able-bodied.  But I saw through the charade that our current materialistic system is, and if the govt wants to view me as disabled and give me a thousand bucks a month, then I'm going to view it as a retirement plan for me.  With the rent I pay and little money I need, I can afford to do what I want when I want to(for the most part).  If my SSI were to go away, I'd give away most of what I have and take off traveling again, knowing full-well I'd still be cared for.  Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose.

     We are taught to worship possessions, to get all these random things, to collect more and more soulless objects that are supposed to make us happy.  They don't satisfy me like they do the rest of the sheep.  I won't let my possessions own me, damnit.  I rather be free than rich.  You cannot be both.  I found the bars to the cage.  None are more hopelessly enslaved than those who falsely believe they are free! 

      I used to be the happiest man in the world with no money traveling around letting magic happen.  Everywhere I went, everything went my way.  I was truly free.  Something(not someone) was providing for me. 

     So I choose to call it love instead of god, so I choose to not believe everything I read, so I choose to recognize that this power is not an imperfect human, not a he.  Don't come at me with the usual rebuttal that god is love.  To me, god is the PERSONIFICATION of love.  Love isn't a person.  Love is more real to me than god.  So I just choose to call it what it is.  Religion is division.  There's only one love.  Praise love, it's all we need.

     So you're going to judge me and say I don't have goals?  Are you implying that I am good for nothing?  In the end we are judged by our actions, not our beliefs.  In my time in Weed I have been a major volunteer.  Right when I moved here I cleaned the creek behind the chamber of commerce.  It used to be a landfill.  Worked on it sun-up to sun-down for two weeks straight.  I made it into my happy place.  I received a lot of recognition and respect for it. 

     Back when my scooter was running better I would go out every single day and help someone for free.  The way I saw it, I was already on a payroll, I had to do something.  That's how things work.  You reap what you sow.  I haven't been as active due to my transportation and cold weather lately but hey, I deserve some time off. 

 

     What goals would merit your approval?  Is wanting to be happy and to enjoy the remaining days I have here something to be looked down on to you?  Maybe I should enroll in school and become a good little slave-in-training, like everyone else that's been duped into materialism.  If you can't beat 'em, join 'em, huh?  No thanks, I rather be dead than to support lies.  Be the best?  Climb the ladder?  Do it better, higher, faster?  I refuse to participate. 

      You had sent these emails before you came over and asked me for hugs and warmly embraced me and said I looked nice, etc.  Make up your mind.  And I knew you would want your bag you gave to me back.  Now that you're ending our friendship I regret giving it back.  HI-LO has the best food in Weed.  Anyway, I still wish you good fortune in whatever you do.  Good luck with your new hair.

- Victor

"He is richest who is content with the least, for content is the wealth of nature."  - Socrates

Dec 12 at 9:45 PM

that would be "you're" married.

Dec 12 at 9:54 PM

NO, I'm not saying that. Forgive me for offending you. I did not mean to.  Wow, so you wished you kept a bag that's worth about $25? 

You are a good man, Victor. I did not mean to offend.

Darcy

Dec 13 at 1:24 AM

Why do you regret giving my bag back?  I tried to give it to you before, and you said no way, you weren't going to open it. 

I USED to be materialistic when I lived in Los Angeles and was making $90,000 a year, driving a 450 CLK convertible Mercedes.  Down there, it's like an attitude where you have to "keep up" with that shit.

We got out of there and moved to Mississippi.  My son went to a private Christian school in MS.  We had a nice, paid-off house. And then BOOM, Hurricane Katrina came. Changed my life forever 

The first thing we did was volunteer for the Salvation Army, including my son, packing food boxes for the people coming up from the Coast.

Sorry about the confusion about who the "Great Deceiver" is.  I understand now that you meant satan.

You told me you don't believe in marriage.  That was huge to me. I thought, "Uh oh!"  Because I do believe in marriage and the sanctity of it.

I'm not your enemy, Victor. I would like to stay in touch.  How 'bout it?  I accept you for who you are....I truly do.

Love,

Darcy

Dec 13 at 1:25 AM

I usually proofread all my mails more than once, but thanks for pointing that out.  I must've been in a hurry.  You nit-picking english scholar, you.

Dec 13 at 2:00 AM

Darcy,

     The sentence was self-explanatory MRS. English teacher :). "Now that you're ending our friendship I regret giving it back."  If you are, after all, not ending it then I retract my statement.  I don't need your bag. 

     I have officially professed my like to Tamar and I am hopeful she'll hit the ball back.  She is the embodiment of the girl of my dreams.  She is scared of relationships, has some big trust issues.  It's my mission to earn her trust, for I truly am trustworthy.  I have to be careful not to smother her.  I really miss having a girl to dote on.   

     Therefore, due to our slight history and complications that would occur we must limit our friendship to email for the time being, but strictly if Tamar will have me.  And there will always be karaoke nights. 

     Hurricane Katrina was caused by the government using weather control technology.  They can trigger earthquakes too.  They find order in chaos.  ordo ab chao

Love,

- Victor

Dec 13 at 3:15 AM

Dam straight.  :o)

Dec 13 at 3:18 AM

Not that it's any of my business, because I AM married, but I wonder if you've screwed Tamar yet.

Dec 13 at 1:40 PM

I haven't.  With her I want to it to be so much more than screwing when/if we finally do.  And you are right, it is absolutely none of your business.  

Dec 13 at 3:52 PM

You've referred to Tamar twice as a "lush."  I wonder if you always talk shit about "girls" you're falling in love with?  You are two faced and I don't trust you as far as I could throw you.

bye!

Dec 13 at 7:25 PM

    Bitch, you only knew me one fucking night and you're jumping to all of these conclusions.  Watch, tomorrow you'll apologize and tell me you'll accept me how I am again, you bipolar hag.  And I'm two-faced?   You're the adulteress.  How much more unlike Christ can you get?

     I would pay money to know Mark's email address and make him privy to every single one of our emails.  The other day I assembled The Darcy Story, all of our emails in order.  I will be adding this one as well as an addendum.  It's a very interesting true story, but you know that already.  I even sent it to Tamar to peruse, just because in our correspondences I describe how I am to a tee and I want her to know the truth about me.  I won't ever lie to her. 

     I am even thinking about putting my website back up with all my stories and documentation...including all the new updates like The Darcy Story.  I'll be an open book again.  Don't worry, if my stuff goes viral and I make any revenue, I will give you your royalties.  You'll have to apologize for being such a bitch to me first though. 

     That's right, we didn't fuck that night because I chose not to, because I didn't want to contribute to your sinning.  I was ready to fall asleep after you let me fondle your tits.  "Get to know them," you said, remember?  I knew it was wrong what you were about to let happen.  I felt sorry for Mark.  He doesn't deserve being lied to by someone he assumes loves him.  That night you even told me and everyone at the bar that your husband allows you to be unfaithful once in a while, that he was okay with it, or something to that effect.  That's mainly why I brought you to my place. 

     Nobody deserves that.  Mark is just a sugar daddy to you because you don't have an income.  Poor Pastor Mark.  If a better victim came along your dependent ass would drop him quick, most likely.  And my assumptions about this pale in comparison to the accusations and judgements made by you about Tamar.  You hypocrite.  So don't assume you know one thing about me and Tamar.  Sorry, Tamar and I. 

     Stop being such a sore loser.  Losing is what you get for cheating.  And don't say you weren't cheating on Mark just because we didn't have sex.  You allowed another man to caress you, kiss you, feel your titties, that's enough.  And God knows how many guys you've already cheated on him with, you liar.  You're the one who can't be trusted.

     When I said Tamar was a lush I wasn't falling in love with her, yet.  I didn't know her like I do now.  I always viewed Tamar as way out of my league.  She's beautiful to me and i feel she could have any guy out there.  I didn't start falling for her until she showed interest in me(probably partly due to that Wednesday night that you were all over me, so thanks) somewhat and let me help her.  Today I spent all day at her place.  She hadn't unpacked yet and her place was in shambles.  I was at her apartment all day doing what I do very well and find the utmost pleasure in, cleaning and organizing and helping people I care about, for free.  She is grateful. 

     Tamar and I haven't even kissed yet.  If she accepts an "us" it will be nothing but total devotion from me.  I'm still earning her trust, but I have made it known exactly how I feel about her and how she is now the object of my adoration.

     You are just like Ashley.  Since I didn't do anything bad, and you did, you have to make up some bullshit to be mad at me about and demonize me, just because you fucked up that bad.  Classic Ashley coping mechanism.  It's not just a river in Egypt.  You need therapy. 

     Stay away from me, don't email or text or call me ever again and you better pray that I never meet Mark or find out how to contact him.  He deserves to know the truth about you.

     And you only view me as untrustworthy now because you know deep down you can't be trusted.  People don't see the world as it is...but as they are.  You, indeed, have the devil in you.  Enjoy your drama.  Leave me the fuck out of it, wingnut.  Now I think you may be a sociopath.  I refuse to be your victim.

Dec 13 at 7:59pm(voicemail)  

Victor, it's Darcy.  Listen, I don't want to fight with you.  I'm sorry.  I didn't mean a fricking word I said.  Listen, I'm gonna come by and beep.  Won't you come out?  Argh, I haven't eaten yet.  I gotta go eat somewhere. But listen, I'm gonna come by and beep.  You promised you'd make those cds for me and I'm wondering if you're a man of your word.  You know, I don't undestand the whole I regret giving your bag back thing.  That kinda blew my mind.  But come on out when I beep, pleeeeease?

Dec 13 at 8:18pm(voicemail) 

Ok, I get the hint, you're not gonna make the cd for me.  Ok, that's cool.  I'm just glad we found out now that we have like not anything in common.  One thing I love about Mark is that he treats me like the queen I am.  I'm taking you off my contact list on my phone, adios.

I tried texting Darcy and she left me voicemails saying:  

Dec 13 at 8:46pm 

"Hey Victor, I don't have my IPhone, Mark's got it in the bay.  So this phone doesn't take texts.  So I don't know.  It'll say I got a text but I dont know what it says.  So why don't you just stop being a coward and talk to me like a man and don't text me, cause I can't read them.

Dec 13 at 9:14pm

Re: my text after your message calling me a coward and asking to make your songs

     "I only help friends.  I don't care what you like about Mark.  I was never, ever jealous of him.  He can have you.  You be his problem, not mine.  Good riddance." 

         I am taking your advice and pretending like I never met you.  Like you said, that would be best for me, and you are right.  I refuse to let your instability and mood-swings compromise anything with Tamar and I.  I do, in fact, hold some cowardice.  I fear you messing things up with me and my love-interest.  That doesn't make me less of a man, only more human.

    Any further communication between us is pointless.