RE: Souls Vibration, Ascencion or desencion.
franklin gruber <botanicogruber@hotmail.com>
Thu 6/3/2010 4:27 PM
Victor, you where right, I had not read this letter rather confused it with an other, my apologies!
Depression, man I have been there several times. The advantage I had growing up was that I had some examples of poorer kids selling news papers and shining shoes. You did not. So I can´t blame you for not wanting to work at anything.
Consider some kind of arts and crafts. Your grandmother Diana Chiari used to teach. THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A SAD ARTS AND CRAFTS PERSON. WHILE HE CREATES HE FORGETS HIS PROBLEMS AND AFTER HE SELLS HE RESOLVES TH EM! She was all LOVE, her special talent was teaching others arts and crafts, thus prospering them. She created so much prosperity in Panama among the humble classes that she was given the Presidential award Belisario Porras " For Prospering the humble classes." Creativity is something important to stimulate early in life but its never too late.
Whatever you are going to do initially is not for your mom, the world or me, etc, but rather for yourself. A depressed person has difficulties finding alternatives, seeing them, just consider some of the suggestions your loved ones make and maybe pick one out and try and put it into practice. When I was so depressed that I became suicidal, I cried out to GOD that if I where to live to please reveal to me what to do. Mustard that faith in him Victor, he is REAL.
Other factors are finding a source of LIVE WATER. Decades of drinking clorinated water can contribute to depression.
TO find lavander tea in San Antonio just look at the Yellow pages, under Botanical Pharmacies, Alternative Medicine etc.
Yes, it is a good Idea for your mother to accompany you. Glad also you have the food stamps, that you are contributing i n your home.
I wish I had the money to send for you but I do not. Am working on that but its really hard since h ere in El Valle the tourist season is over until November and Dicember when all the people fleeing the cold in the states and europe come this way. What keeps food on the table is the reduced sales of my distributors in Boquete and Volcan area. Next year will try to add on the Bocas del Toro Torist resort area.
Above all what is most important Victor is to keep the first commandant, Love God above all things and YOURSELF as well as others.
I am having some terrible problems down here with your brother Patrick. He is only seven and he hit his m other with a belt this morning....she was just prompting him to go to school. Marisol is not soft nor am I, we are strict. Kids now days want to dominate th eir parents at so an early stage. But even if I had a million similar products, if I could handle the challenge of facing t hem for their good and ours, I would.
Exercise is important in depression, more oxigion to the brain, more protein as well builds nervous system energy. Corn on the cob strengthens free will.
Problems where made to be solved. Mabe you cannot solve the worlds problems, just concentrate on your own. Once you have done that help take on some of the Worlds problems. Love thyself son, and love God even if you do not know him vary well or understand him. Man makes REASON a god, and it can fail as well.
There is a lot of negativity building everywhere in the World, but never give in to the negative power, always remember God loves you. We are all like soldiers in a war that never should surrender to evil.
May God Bless You Victor and help you to become Victorious. Make the effort to obtain some lavander tea, have faith that it will work for you. A little lavander tea in the morning and rosemary at night will go a long way in helping your plight! Love Franklin
From: rightprotect@hotmail.com
To: botanicogruber@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: Souls Vibration, Ascencion or desencion.
Date: Sun, 23 May 2010 02:33:29 -0500
Hi Franklin,
I'm not doing any better. I'm still staying at home all day doing nothing but keeping the house clean and being depressed. I haven't been taking any lavander tea. What kinds of stores do they sell it at? I am doubtful it will make me feel any better. Lavander tea won't make my problems and lack of skills go away. I just have no ambition do to anything these days. Nothing interests me anymore. It's like I've woken up to our desperate need for change, and no one else has and are content playing the government's little game. Everything's wrong and nobody cares. I wish the world would end already. Soon it will, we keep fulfilling the end times, look at the oil in the gulf of Mexico right now.
I have a couple appointments scheduled to see a doctor for a physical exam and a psychiatrist for a psychiatric evaluation, to determine if I'm disabled or not, on the 1st and 4th of next month. Ada is going to see if they can change the dates of the appointments so she can come with me, since I don't feel disabled, other than my depressive state due to may pathetic situation. She'll remember all the retarded episodes I had after my accidents and will explain it to the docs. Even if I got a disabillity check every month I still don't know what I'd want to do with my life.
Also, I got foodstamps to contribute to the household. Ada was pleased with that. Ugh, I hate living here. Things are too easy for me and my nephew gets on my nerves. I have absolutely no social life at all. I am a recluse, a total loser. I really do hate my life.
I'm sorry if I sound like a broken record, but nothing has changed and everything is still the same. It really bothers me.
Best wishes,
- Victor Antonio
From: botanicogruber@hotmail.com
To: rightprotect@hotmail.com
Subject: Souls Vibration, Ascencion or desencion.
Date: Fri, 21 May 2010 14:25:40 -0500
How are you doing Victor? Have you taken at least one lavander tea a day...One tea spoon of the herb to one glass of water and a little honey. it heals depression in just a couple of weeks and stimulates creative ideas.
I have been drinking from the water of a local river that reacts to my genetic material to increase vibration of Soul, my tumors are almost gone! In that area, there are many people who have lived beyond 100 years of age. It has a secret that I have discovered that I may share with few some day. Low vibration of Soul is Depression! It does have its biological counterpart and both should be treated simultaneously. With regards to treating mental ailments with drugs, that is vary primative.
Hang in there, search inside, ASK AND YE SHALL RECEIVE! God hears all of us when we cry out to him!
I have not received as yet substancial sums of money, you will hear from me when I do. Meanwhile use your time wisely. Best Regards to Ada and Sisters, Frank
From: rightprotect@hotmail.com
To: botanicogruber@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: Self Love, not egoism, can cure depression.
Date: Fri, 14 May 2010 22:17:47 -0500
Hi Franklin,
Sorry for the lapse in writing. I haven't found motivation to do anything lately. Life is still at a standstill for me. I feel like I've wasted seven years. I'm not sure what to blame, my head injuries, marijuana, I don't know. I could have been studying something and learning something, anything. I don't feel smart at all. I'm 32 and still at my mother's doing nothing all day but being depressed and feeling sorry for myself and my pathetic situation. Sure, you might have felt similar when you were a teenager, but I'm not a teenager anymore. Life really sucks.
Hope things are going well for you,
- Victor Antonio
From: botanicogruber@hotmail.com
To: rightprotect@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: Self Love, not egoism, can cure depression.
Date: Tue, 4 May 2010 17:20:28 -0500
Hello Victor. I remember being in a similar situation back when I was a teen ager, no real purpose in life, felt suicidal. The benefit we both have had is THE LOVE OF A GREAT MOTHER. Live for Ada for the time being until you can find your bearing in life. If you go to live with simple people ANTHROPOLOGICAL STYLE you shall discover much about yourself and humanity. Its no differrent than what you have already been doing only more interesting since there is a lot of meaning in nature and simple people.
I am working on building an economic buffer before I send you the ticket to come this way. That way when you arrive we are not under much stress but can give you the time and tour you deserve. Best regards to Ada, Laura and Diana. Frank
From: rightprotect@hotmail.com
To: botanicogruber@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: Self Love, not egoism, can cure depression.
Date: Fri, 23 Apr 2010 02:37:20 -0500
Franklin,
I'm doing unremarkable, I suppose. My situation hasn't changed. Ada is supposed to be coming back tomorrow. I told her I would take her grandson to school everyday while she was gone. I've been having to wake up early at seven in the morning and take him to middle school in her absence. I've also had to pick him up at five thirty. I just drive back home and vegetate on the computer and watch free movies on the web. I've been going to the gym with my nephew also. Lifting weights and stuff. Now that I haven't been walking I've gained about twenty pounds. I weigh around 190 now, as opposed to 160.
That's what my life consists of lately. Just chauffering him back and forth to and from school. I hate driving. I feel very pathetic. I have absolutely no friends and am bad at conversations. I have nothing impressive to tell new people I meet.
I do have some paperwork I have to turn in to the social security office regarding my applying for disability, which I think is a waste of time because I doubt I'll be able to convince them I'm too disabled to work. I also have a foodstamps application to turn in but I'm waiting for Ada to come back so she can help me fill in some money questions.
The real reason I don't want to work is because I don't believe in this sick system everyone has been tricked into participating in. It's not that I don't want to work, more like I can't think of a job I would enjoy. It's not like everybody is hiring these days with the unemployment rate and I don't even have the makings of a presentable resume.
I have no interest in being part of this society. I know I sound like a broken record and I don't want to just complain. I just have absolutely no belief in myself. The only thing I was good at was telling my story, but I can't even do that anymore. This downfall of mine all started with my scabies scare. I don't itch nearly as bad as I used to and I think it's just allergies nowadays. This itching totally ruined my life.
Oh, how I wish I could just take off hitchhiking again. I feel like a total failure. I had given people so much hope and now I'm not following through on my mission. The shame is almost unbearable.
I know living at Ada's here is enabling my nothingness. But I can't blame her for loving me. All I have to do is keep the house clean and I really don't even have to do that. I choose to. It's the least I could do.
Ahh, I don't know what else to say and it's getting late and I should get to sleep.
Sincerely,
- Victor Antonio
p.s. Diana came to visit not too long ago. She talked to me about my depression and tried to give me advice. I just felt like she was lecturing me and looking down on me. She thinks I need a change of environment too. Laura is doing good too. She has a new job dealing with breast feeding and she's raising her baby daughter. She's driving a death trap though and I worry about her driving that car a lot.
From: botanicogruber@hotmail.com
To: rightprotect@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: Self Love, not egoism, can cure depression.
Date: Thu, 22 Apr 2010 14:02:24 -0500
How you doing Victor, everything OK? Frank
Have you written to your sisters lately, please say hello for me.
From: rightprotect@hotmail.com
To: botanicogruber@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: Self Love, not egoism, can cure depression.
Date: Sat, 10 Apr 2010 19:35:54 -0500
Franklin,
Sorry it's taken so long for me to reply. Ada was using the computer all day today.
There you go again getting defensive again. I said that I wouldn't feel comfortable moving to Panama without a roundtrip ticket in case it didn't suit me. I never said you had to pay for it. I was just stating what I felt. You yourself told me I would just be visiting.
So I'm a bit spooked on thinking something's going to happen in 2012. I think I have a right to worry. What makes you think El Valle would be immune from the new world order's advance? Maybe nothing will happen, but anything is possible.
You keep trying to butter me up with this Lorrie girl, as if that is supposed to lure me to Panama. I'm sure she's beatiful and great, but I don't feel like I have anything to offer a girl in my current condition. Relationships take responsibility. I haven't done anything substantial with my life for so long and am so unsure and confused about so many things. If this girl is as well-traveled and smart as you say, I would totally feel as if she were out of my league. Especially with my brain injuries.
As far as me not doing anything on my end. What exactly do you expect me to do? With my lack of work history and the current economy, it's not like I can just get a job tomorrow and work for a coupe of weeks.
Maybe I'll try and tackle writing. Maybe I'd be good at that. Maybe I could even make some money off of it. I still don't know anything.
Best wishes,
- Victor Antonio
From: botanicogruber@hotmail.com
To: rightprotect@hotmail.com
Subject: Self Love, not egoism, can cure depression.
Date: Fri, 9 Apr 2010 19:36:05 -0500
Victor, your not coming to Panama to work for me but to work part time for yourself if you cannot do it up there. The rat race is when you are forced to work hard to survive, here if you work intelligently you do not have to work hard, just intelligently...and that you have plenty of. You, the male part of you, a unique person, one who won the race between millions of sperm cells to make a unique union with the female egg, is now trying to express your uniqueness in this world, no matter how weird it may be doing that in itself is work, hopefully work of value. In a sense, the competition, is even at a genetic level. I you give in you get recycled down, at a lower level of vibration and conciousness and have to keep doing it over and over again almost eternally. In eternity all soul elements that are separated from God return, even though odds in one cycle are millions to one but one by one eventually everyone returns. Eternity is like an hour glass and you a speck of conciousness.
Spoke to Lorrie a couple hours back, she is going to give me her email to send to you...do you want her to write you, brief you on travel in Central and South America? Or are you just going to go back to the streets of the USA you seem so familiar and wait for the unevitable...
Here my mood is a little better. I am like my mother in that being broke or nearly broke puts me in a bad mood. Starting to recuperate, it will take several months.
You have not uttered a word...on doing something for yourself at that end...just working a couple of weeks, that little sacrafice is that TOO MUCH FOR YOU TO HANDLE. Are you brainwashed into the WORLD OWES YOU A LIVING PHILOSOPHY? Or is it your pride that will not let you work a little, the minimum to make it over a hump? If it bothers you that your mother might find out that you are working in some humble task, you can go out for a couple of weeks without her knowing. Love thyself means doing all you can for your well being without hurting or burdening others. Here I don´t need or you to work for me Victor, do it for yourself. Once we meet in person we might strike it out well, who knows and both our lives might change for the better. The door here is open, the opportunity we both deserve awaits us to improve our relationship and learn from each other. I am though not guaranteeing anything, as I said, I will treat you exactly as you treat me. If you treat me with friendliness and respect you shall receive the same from me. Everything you receive from me, other than food and a roof, will depend on my seeing some initiative in improving your own life. What has kept my head afloat in life when people did not love me is that I did and that is a commandment from God. I am sure you will succeed eventually as we males in the Gruber family are late bloomers, it takes us more time but when we do succeed we do it in a spectacular way...so keep your head above the turbulant waters of life! Frank
From: rightprotect@hotmail.com
To: botanicogruber@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: PASSPORT
Date: Wed, 7 Apr 2010 13:00:43 -0500
Franklin,
I'm not so sure I want to come to Panama and work for you until I have the means to get a round trip ticket. It somehwhat seems like it would be going from bad to worse. I would still be in the rat race in Panama, still working for money. Not to mention, I wouldn't have anybody's full support. I don't want to have to worry about ruining your reputation.
I am not all here mentally. Maybe I am and everybody else has been brainwashed with money and enslaved. Maybe I should just take off hitchhiking again and hope something good happens to me. If something bad happens to me, oh well. I should try and enjoy these remaining two years. Sorry, I'm a bit confused. I still don't know who would hire me here with so many years of not working. I don't fit anywhere in society anymore. I'm back to wishing I was dead.
- Victor Antonio
From: botanicogruber@hotmail.com
To: rightprotect@hotmail.com
Subject: PASSPORT
Date: Tue, 6 Apr 2010 13:00:07 -0500
Hello Victor, OK, I see your point, some how I recalled it would take you 60 to 90 days and could be expetited sooner, going back to your letter I see it was 4 to 6 weeks and could be expetited, my mistake. Thanks for handling this misunderstanding respectfully! The summer sun affects my mind in weird ways some times. April is predicted here to be the hottest, so good for you you will be meeting me when its already getting cooler in May or June. The important thing is that we be loving and caring enough to forgive each others mistakes and move on to the more positive creative aspects of life. When no one cared about me my father and mother did....that is the beauti of true kinship.
The tourist season begins to wind down here and sales of my products are slower. Once I reestablish the minimum we need here to keep the business alive, which means withstanding three bad sales months, as my sales work in cycles, will tell you how much have accumulated towards your plane ticket. Investigate at your end whether the Panamanian government will allow you to fly to Panama with a one way ticket, who ever would sell you there the ticket would know. Working on getting you here. Frank
You have not answered me whether you are willing to work a little up there in anything available to help pay for your ticket. The going wage there should be above 5 dollars an hour, working 10 hours a day is 50 dollars, quite good while you have a roof and food over your head, in 10 days you could have 500 dollars at your end. If you want to expedite your trip here, why not do it for the next 30 days....there is always work other people do not want. So long as its not too hard on your body or mind, take it, the reward is starting a new life sooner. Even if its only 4 hours a day....grap what comes up!
Best regards to your mother and sisters. Franklin
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Depression, man I have been there several times. The advantage I had growing up was that I had some examples of poorer kids selling news papers and shining shoes. You did not. So I can´t blame you for not wanting to work at anything.
Consider some kind of arts and crafts. Your grandmother Diana Chiari used to teach. THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A SAD ARTS AND CRAFTS PERSON. WHILE HE CREATES HE FORGETS HIS PROBLEMS AND AFTER HE SELLS HE RESOLVES TH EM! She was all LOVE, her special talent was teaching others arts and crafts, thus prospering them. She created so much prosperity in Panama among the humble classes that she was given the Presidential award Belisario Porras " For Prospering the humble classes." Creativity is something important to stimulate early in life but its never too late.
Whatever you are going to do initially is not for your mom, the world or me, etc, but rather for yourself. A depressed person has difficulties finding alternatives, seeing them, just consider some of the suggestions your loved ones make and maybe pick one out and try and put it into practice. When I was so depressed that I became suicidal, I cried out to GOD that if I where to live to please reveal to me what to do. Mustard that faith in him Victor, he is REAL.
Other factors are finding a source of LIVE WATER. Decades of drinking clorinated water can contribute to depression.
TO find lavander tea in San Antonio just look at the Yellow pages, under Botanical Pharmacies, Alternative Medicine etc.
Yes, it is a good Idea for your mother to accompany you. Glad also you have the food stamps, that you are contributing i n your home.
I wish I had the money to send for you but I do not. Am working on that but its really hard since h ere in El Valle the tourist season is over until November and Dicember when all the people fleeing the cold in the states and europe come this way. What keeps food on the table is the reduced sales of my distributors in Boquete and Volcan area. Next year will try to add on the Bocas del Toro Torist resort area.
Above all what is most important Victor is to keep the first commandant, Love God above all things and YOURSELF as well as others.
I am having some terrible problems down here with your brother Patrick. He is only seven and he hit his m other with a belt this morning....she was just prompting him to go to school. Marisol is not soft nor am I, we are strict. Kids now days want to dominate th eir parents at so an early stage. But even if I had a million similar products, if I could handle the challenge of facing t hem for their good and ours, I would.
Exercise is important in depression, more oxigion to the brain, more protein as well builds nervous system energy. Corn on the cob strengthens free will.
Problems where made to be solved. Mabe you cannot solve the worlds problems, just concentrate on your own. Once you have done that help take on some of the Worlds problems. Love thyself son, and love God even if you do not know him vary well or understand him. Man makes REASON a god, and it can fail as well.
There is a lot of negativity building everywhere in the World, but never give in to the negative power, always remember God loves you. We are all like soldiers in a war that never should surrender to evil.
May God Bless You Victor and help you to become Victorious. Make the effort to obtain some lavander tea, have faith that it will work for you. A little lavander tea in the morning and rosemary at night will go a long way in helping your plight! Love Franklin
From: rightprotect@hotmail.com
To: botanicogruber@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: Souls Vibration, Ascencion or desencion.
Date: Sun, 23 May 2010 02:33:29 -0500
Hi Franklin,
I'm not doing any better. I'm still staying at home all day doing nothing but keeping the house clean and being depressed. I haven't been taking any lavander tea. What kinds of stores do they sell it at? I am doubtful it will make me feel any better. Lavander tea won't make my problems and lack of skills go away. I just have no ambition do to anything these days. Nothing interests me anymore. It's like I've woken up to our desperate need for change, and no one else has and are content playing the government's little game. Everything's wrong and nobody cares. I wish the world would end already. Soon it will, we keep fulfilling the end times, look at the oil in the gulf of Mexico right now.
I have a couple appointments scheduled to see a doctor for a physical exam and a psychiatrist for a psychiatric evaluation, to determine if I'm disabled or not, on the 1st and 4th of next month. Ada is going to see if they can change the dates of the appointments so she can come with me, since I don't feel disabled, other than my depressive state due to may pathetic situation. She'll remember all the retarded episodes I had after my accidents and will explain it to the docs. Even if I got a disabillity check every month I still don't know what I'd want to do with my life.
Also, I got foodstamps to contribute to the household. Ada was pleased with that. Ugh, I hate living here. Things are too easy for me and my nephew gets on my nerves. I have absolutely no social life at all. I am a recluse, a total loser. I really do hate my life.
I'm sorry if I sound like a broken record, but nothing has changed and everything is still the same. It really bothers me.
Best wishes,
- Victor Antonio
From: botanicogruber@hotmail.com
To: rightprotect@hotmail.com
Subject: Souls Vibration, Ascencion or desencion.
Date: Fri, 21 May 2010 14:25:40 -0500
How are you doing Victor? Have you taken at least one lavander tea a day...One tea spoon of the herb to one glass of water and a little honey. it heals depression in just a couple of weeks and stimulates creative ideas.
I have been drinking from the water of a local river that reacts to my genetic material to increase vibration of Soul, my tumors are almost gone! In that area, there are many people who have lived beyond 100 years of age. It has a secret that I have discovered that I may share with few some day. Low vibration of Soul is Depression! It does have its biological counterpart and both should be treated simultaneously. With regards to treating mental ailments with drugs, that is vary primative.
Hang in there, search inside, ASK AND YE SHALL RECEIVE! God hears all of us when we cry out to him!
I have not received as yet substancial sums of money, you will hear from me when I do. Meanwhile use your time wisely. Best Regards to Ada and Sisters, Frank
From: rightprotect@hotmail.com
To: botanicogruber@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: Self Love, not egoism, can cure depression.
Date: Fri, 14 May 2010 22:17:47 -0500
Hi Franklin,
Sorry for the lapse in writing. I haven't found motivation to do anything lately. Life is still at a standstill for me. I feel like I've wasted seven years. I'm not sure what to blame, my head injuries, marijuana, I don't know. I could have been studying something and learning something, anything. I don't feel smart at all. I'm 32 and still at my mother's doing nothing all day but being depressed and feeling sorry for myself and my pathetic situation. Sure, you might have felt similar when you were a teenager, but I'm not a teenager anymore. Life really sucks.
Hope things are going well for you,
- Victor Antonio
From: botanicogruber@hotmail.com
To: rightprotect@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: Self Love, not egoism, can cure depression.
Date: Tue, 4 May 2010 17:20:28 -0500
Hello Victor. I remember being in a similar situation back when I was a teen ager, no real purpose in life, felt suicidal. The benefit we both have had is THE LOVE OF A GREAT MOTHER. Live for Ada for the time being until you can find your bearing in life. If you go to live with simple people ANTHROPOLOGICAL STYLE you shall discover much about yourself and humanity. Its no differrent than what you have already been doing only more interesting since there is a lot of meaning in nature and simple people.
I am working on building an economic buffer before I send you the ticket to come this way. That way when you arrive we are not under much stress but can give you the time and tour you deserve. Best regards to Ada, Laura and Diana. Frank
From: rightprotect@hotmail.com
To: botanicogruber@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: Self Love, not egoism, can cure depression.
Date: Fri, 23 Apr 2010 02:37:20 -0500
Franklin,
I'm doing unremarkable, I suppose. My situation hasn't changed. Ada is supposed to be coming back tomorrow. I told her I would take her grandson to school everyday while she was gone. I've been having to wake up early at seven in the morning and take him to middle school in her absence. I've also had to pick him up at five thirty. I just drive back home and vegetate on the computer and watch free movies on the web. I've been going to the gym with my nephew also. Lifting weights and stuff. Now that I haven't been walking I've gained about twenty pounds. I weigh around 190 now, as opposed to 160.
That's what my life consists of lately. Just chauffering him back and forth to and from school. I hate driving. I feel very pathetic. I have absolutely no friends and am bad at conversations. I have nothing impressive to tell new people I meet.
I do have some paperwork I have to turn in to the social security office regarding my applying for disability, which I think is a waste of time because I doubt I'll be able to convince them I'm too disabled to work. I also have a foodstamps application to turn in but I'm waiting for Ada to come back so she can help me fill in some money questions.
The real reason I don't want to work is because I don't believe in this sick system everyone has been tricked into participating in. It's not that I don't want to work, more like I can't think of a job I would enjoy. It's not like everybody is hiring these days with the unemployment rate and I don't even have the makings of a presentable resume.
I have no interest in being part of this society. I know I sound like a broken record and I don't want to just complain. I just have absolutely no belief in myself. The only thing I was good at was telling my story, but I can't even do that anymore. This downfall of mine all started with my scabies scare. I don't itch nearly as bad as I used to and I think it's just allergies nowadays. This itching totally ruined my life.
Oh, how I wish I could just take off hitchhiking again. I feel like a total failure. I had given people so much hope and now I'm not following through on my mission. The shame is almost unbearable.
I know living at Ada's here is enabling my nothingness. But I can't blame her for loving me. All I have to do is keep the house clean and I really don't even have to do that. I choose to. It's the least I could do.
Ahh, I don't know what else to say and it's getting late and I should get to sleep.
Sincerely,
- Victor Antonio
p.s. Diana came to visit not too long ago. She talked to me about my depression and tried to give me advice. I just felt like she was lecturing me and looking down on me. She thinks I need a change of environment too. Laura is doing good too. She has a new job dealing with breast feeding and she's raising her baby daughter. She's driving a death trap though and I worry about her driving that car a lot.
From: botanicogruber@hotmail.com
To: rightprotect@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: Self Love, not egoism, can cure depression.
Date: Thu, 22 Apr 2010 14:02:24 -0500
How you doing Victor, everything OK? Frank
Have you written to your sisters lately, please say hello for me.
From: rightprotect@hotmail.com
To: botanicogruber@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: Self Love, not egoism, can cure depression.
Date: Sat, 10 Apr 2010 19:35:54 -0500
Franklin,
Sorry it's taken so long for me to reply. Ada was using the computer all day today.
There you go again getting defensive again. I said that I wouldn't feel comfortable moving to Panama without a roundtrip ticket in case it didn't suit me. I never said you had to pay for it. I was just stating what I felt. You yourself told me I would just be visiting.
So I'm a bit spooked on thinking something's going to happen in 2012. I think I have a right to worry. What makes you think El Valle would be immune from the new world order's advance? Maybe nothing will happen, but anything is possible.
You keep trying to butter me up with this Lorrie girl, as if that is supposed to lure me to Panama. I'm sure she's beatiful and great, but I don't feel like I have anything to offer a girl in my current condition. Relationships take responsibility. I haven't done anything substantial with my life for so long and am so unsure and confused about so many things. If this girl is as well-traveled and smart as you say, I would totally feel as if she were out of my league. Especially with my brain injuries.
As far as me not doing anything on my end. What exactly do you expect me to do? With my lack of work history and the current economy, it's not like I can just get a job tomorrow and work for a coupe of weeks.
Maybe I'll try and tackle writing. Maybe I'd be good at that. Maybe I could even make some money off of it. I still don't know anything.
Best wishes,
- Victor Antonio
From: botanicogruber@hotmail.com
To: rightprotect@hotmail.com
Subject: Self Love, not egoism, can cure depression.
Date: Fri, 9 Apr 2010 19:36:05 -0500
Victor, your not coming to Panama to work for me but to work part time for yourself if you cannot do it up there. The rat race is when you are forced to work hard to survive, here if you work intelligently you do not have to work hard, just intelligently...and that you have plenty of. You, the male part of you, a unique person, one who won the race between millions of sperm cells to make a unique union with the female egg, is now trying to express your uniqueness in this world, no matter how weird it may be doing that in itself is work, hopefully work of value. In a sense, the competition, is even at a genetic level. I you give in you get recycled down, at a lower level of vibration and conciousness and have to keep doing it over and over again almost eternally. In eternity all soul elements that are separated from God return, even though odds in one cycle are millions to one but one by one eventually everyone returns. Eternity is like an hour glass and you a speck of conciousness.
Spoke to Lorrie a couple hours back, she is going to give me her email to send to you...do you want her to write you, brief you on travel in Central and South America? Or are you just going to go back to the streets of the USA you seem so familiar and wait for the unevitable...
Here my mood is a little better. I am like my mother in that being broke or nearly broke puts me in a bad mood. Starting to recuperate, it will take several months.
You have not uttered a word...on doing something for yourself at that end...just working a couple of weeks, that little sacrafice is that TOO MUCH FOR YOU TO HANDLE. Are you brainwashed into the WORLD OWES YOU A LIVING PHILOSOPHY? Or is it your pride that will not let you work a little, the minimum to make it over a hump? If it bothers you that your mother might find out that you are working in some humble task, you can go out for a couple of weeks without her knowing. Love thyself means doing all you can for your well being without hurting or burdening others. Here I don´t need or you to work for me Victor, do it for yourself. Once we meet in person we might strike it out well, who knows and both our lives might change for the better. The door here is open, the opportunity we both deserve awaits us to improve our relationship and learn from each other. I am though not guaranteeing anything, as I said, I will treat you exactly as you treat me. If you treat me with friendliness and respect you shall receive the same from me. Everything you receive from me, other than food and a roof, will depend on my seeing some initiative in improving your own life. What has kept my head afloat in life when people did not love me is that I did and that is a commandment from God. I am sure you will succeed eventually as we males in the Gruber family are late bloomers, it takes us more time but when we do succeed we do it in a spectacular way...so keep your head above the turbulant waters of life! Frank
From: rightprotect@hotmail.com
To: botanicogruber@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: PASSPORT
Date: Wed, 7 Apr 2010 13:00:43 -0500
Franklin,
I'm not so sure I want to come to Panama and work for you until I have the means to get a round trip ticket. It somehwhat seems like it would be going from bad to worse. I would still be in the rat race in Panama, still working for money. Not to mention, I wouldn't have anybody's full support. I don't want to have to worry about ruining your reputation.
I am not all here mentally. Maybe I am and everybody else has been brainwashed with money and enslaved. Maybe I should just take off hitchhiking again and hope something good happens to me. If something bad happens to me, oh well. I should try and enjoy these remaining two years. Sorry, I'm a bit confused. I still don't know who would hire me here with so many years of not working. I don't fit anywhere in society anymore. I'm back to wishing I was dead.
- Victor Antonio
From: botanicogruber@hotmail.com
To: rightprotect@hotmail.com
Subject: PASSPORT
Date: Tue, 6 Apr 2010 13:00:07 -0500
Hello Victor, OK, I see your point, some how I recalled it would take you 60 to 90 days and could be expetited sooner, going back to your letter I see it was 4 to 6 weeks and could be expetited, my mistake. Thanks for handling this misunderstanding respectfully! The summer sun affects my mind in weird ways some times. April is predicted here to be the hottest, so good for you you will be meeting me when its already getting cooler in May or June. The important thing is that we be loving and caring enough to forgive each others mistakes and move on to the more positive creative aspects of life. When no one cared about me my father and mother did....that is the beauti of true kinship.
The tourist season begins to wind down here and sales of my products are slower. Once I reestablish the minimum we need here to keep the business alive, which means withstanding three bad sales months, as my sales work in cycles, will tell you how much have accumulated towards your plane ticket. Investigate at your end whether the Panamanian government will allow you to fly to Panama with a one way ticket, who ever would sell you there the ticket would know. Working on getting you here. Frank
You have not answered me whether you are willing to work a little up there in anything available to help pay for your ticket. The going wage there should be above 5 dollars an hour, working 10 hours a day is 50 dollars, quite good while you have a roof and food over your head, in 10 days you could have 500 dollars at your end. If you want to expedite your trip here, why not do it for the next 30 days....there is always work other people do not want. So long as its not too hard on your body or mind, take it, the reward is starting a new life sooner. Even if its only 4 hours a day....grap what comes up!
Best regards to your mother and sisters. Franklin
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