RE: Your Mom
rightprotect@hotmail.com
Sun 7/24/2011 11:59 PM
Hi Frank,
Sorry for the lapse in my writing. Well, things are ok, I guess. Last month I got a hair up my ass to start a garden in the back yard. On June 20th I started telling. I spent like three whole days tilling up a 10 foot x 10 foot plot in the back yard with a shovel and getting all the weeds out. My garden has evolved beautifully since June 20th. I've got six tomato plants and six cherry tomato plants growing. Almost one fourth of the square is devoted solely to corn. Some green peppers and and more. Still waiting for a row to come up. I forgot what I planted, it'll be a surprise. The garden has kept me busy, I suppose. I water it like crazy. Today I bought some plastic garden fencing and spikes and fenced off the garden. Only to keep our new chihuahua out(other story). i still need to fence off the compost pile. The dog keeps getting into that too.
Ada's condition seems to have gotten better. She is in much better spirits being able to live in her own house with a faithful servant like me. She's going to fly to Baltimore soon to see a specialist about her condition. The guy is supposed to be of the best sarcoidosis doctors in the world. She's still dizzy everyday and needs my help.
I don't go out too much these days. Well, I did make friends with this born again Christian guy who lives in the neighborhood. I even went to his baptism. I've also been to church with him a couple of times. Ada likes me hanging out with him.
From: botanicogruber@hotmail.com
To: rightprotect@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: Your Mom
Date: Wed, 20 Jul 2011 17:26:20 -0500
Sorry for the lapse in my writing. Well, things are ok, I guess. Last month I got a hair up my ass to start a garden in the back yard. On June 20th I started telling. I spent like three whole days tilling up a 10 foot x 10 foot plot in the back yard with a shovel and getting all the weeds out. My garden has evolved beautifully since June 20th. I've got six tomato plants and six cherry tomato plants growing. Almost one fourth of the square is devoted solely to corn. Some green peppers and and more. Still waiting for a row to come up. I forgot what I planted, it'll be a surprise. The garden has kept me busy, I suppose. I water it like crazy. Today I bought some plastic garden fencing and spikes and fenced off the garden. Only to keep our new chihuahua out(other story). i still need to fence off the compost pile. The dog keeps getting into that too.
Ada's condition seems to have gotten better. She is in much better spirits being able to live in her own house with a faithful servant like me. She's going to fly to Baltimore soon to see a specialist about her condition. The guy is supposed to be of the best sarcoidosis doctors in the world. She's still dizzy everyday and needs my help.
I don't go out too much these days. Well, I did make friends with this born again Christian guy who lives in the neighborhood. I even went to his baptism. I've also been to church with him a couple of times. Ada likes me hanging out with him.
From: botanicogruber@hotmail.com
To: rightprotect@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: Your Mom
Date: Wed, 20 Jul 2011 17:26:20 -0500
How
are you and your mom doing now days? Has Diana married, had
children...do her Phd. Give her and Laura my regards. Also your mom.
Frank
From: rightprotect@hotmail.com
To: botanicogruber@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: Your Mom
Date: Fri, 1 Jul 2011 19:17:48 -0500
From: rightprotect@hotmail.com
To: botanicogruber@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: Your Mom
Date: Fri, 1 Jul 2011 19:17:48 -0500
Hi Frank,
How are things going for you lately? I am still very distraught about humanity's impending doom. Just watched this interesting interview(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NUUPp8b2dR8&NR=1).
What was the last I told you about Ada's condition? Well, she's been hospitalized twice now. She spent a whole month at one hospital and they were unable to find out what was wrong with her, her balance problem. Then she was admitted to the hospital where Laura works as a lactation consultant, North Central Baptist. There they were finally able to diagnose her with neurosarcoidosis(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neurosarcoidosis). She had regular sarcoidosis in her lungs twenty years ago, and it is known to migrate to another part of the body eventually. Well, it did to her central nervous system. She's always dizzy and uses a walker to get around. She's a lot happier at home with me.
Since the hospital was so close to Laura's apartment she lived with her for six days. Laura has a huge load to carry with her new daughter and fifteen year old son(which it took mom being hospitalized for her to take her son back, ugh, I don't like Laura very much). Ada was a bit stressed out there also, and since I still am wasting my life away here doing nothing, it was only fitting that Ada came back home. I've been taking care of her for the past two weeks or so. I'm a total house-son. Not only do I keep the house spotless for her, but I also wait on her and run errands and help her with anything she needs. It's only fair, she was there for me after I was hospitalized.
I still think everything is wrong in the world and I usually wish I was dead. I'm still hanging on for Ada. It's hard to get rid of this depression after learning the truth about what's really going on. Especially with my track record.
I've totally lost track of getting the dual citezenship going. I think I was last getting my birth certificate. I received them about a month ago. I guess I should mail them to Washington DC to get them authenticated. They already have my $30 dollar money order, I just have to mail them my certificate.
I have not been able to quit smoking, either one. Even though I don't want to smoke, especially weed because it makes me even more paranoid, but I still seek it out. Cigarettes too. It's mind-control. Addictions are evil, just like world governments. I just feel hopeless. All this talk about getting rid of useless eaters just makes me want to curl up and give up. I know I must sound like a broken record. I just don't know what else to say.
I would like to visit you before the end, but you have your own life you're living with a whole new family you plan to protect. America is going to be taken out first, I believe. But Panama and the rest of the world will be soon after. My mind is a complete blank. Not only do I have a really bad memory now that I stopped recording my life, but now that I've given up telling my story and trying to enlighten people, I have nothing to trade. I'm better off dead. I got used to life being easy. I never became a man. The clock is ticking.
You mentioned early November would be the ideal time to visit. I might just around then. If it's not too late. 4 months is a long time. I don't know about my dual citenzship though. I may not have enough money by then, but I should. Damnit, I can't for the life of me be happy. I hope things are going better for you than they are for me. I hate all the mistakes I've made in my life. Even if I were to survive this whole depopulation agenda, I wouldn't want to live in the Orwellian fascist slavery they have planned for the world. Yeah, I know so many people have it so much better than me. I mean, how am I supposed to meet a girl or anything. I'm a total loser and a mama's boy. No one is going to want to be with me. Sorry to leave you in the dark about my status for so long. Life sucks. Well, let me know what's going on.
Sincerely,
- Victor
From: botanicogruber@hotmail.com
To: rightprotect@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: Your Mom
Date: Thu, 2 Jun 2011 13:14:12 -0500
Victor, won´t hurt to have a second nationality so keep the process going. Its like an escape hatch if you ever need it. Alternatives gives a man dignity. Does not matter if it moves slow just get it done! Nothing wrong with helping your sister and mother. I am glad you are yet try and budget for your two way trip. Things here are vary vary slow, rains half of the day as well. Its always more interestng to come at the beginning of the tourist season which officially starts here on November nevertheless your welcome any time.
Have you ever considered traveling the World Vicariously_ Make a list of countries that might interest you then read up on them and watch documentaries about them. Learn what they produce and export, the idiosyncracies of their culture. The contrast of cultures and ideas stimulates ones own creativity.
Take time to develop new interests, go some where every 3 months to keep from getting bored. Pray to God for guidance and protection. Try and get along well with your mom and sister they are for all practical reasons your survival team. Give my mom my regards. I do wish her the best in her health and live, the same for your sisters. Just a little note to let you know I am still alive. Kee your spirits up! Frank
From: rightprotect@hotmail.com
To: botanicogruber@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: Your Mom
Date: Thu, 2 Jun 2011 12:44:08 -0500
Hi Frank,
Life has been kinda shitty lately. Ada's condition hasn't gotten any better. I've been her and Laura's driver for a while now. I've been shuttling her nephew to school and doing her favors. Like, I let her borrow three hundred dollars because her car needed to be worked on. I know a good mechanic and took it for her. She said she'd pay me back next month. I've gotten my birth certificates and just need to send them to Washington DC to get stamped. But lately I've been having second thoughts.
I have already resigned myself to the fact that the rich are going to kill the poor soon and there's not much anyone can do about it. With my track record and blatent self-incrimination I highly doubt I will be one they won't brand a useless eater. In my head injured, burnt out brain I don't fit in much anywhere, let alone a whole other country. I can't have conversations and very little, if anything makes me happy anymore.
I still want to visit though. Maybe I will receive some inspiration there, or not, and come back here to keep helping out at home. They already have the $30 money order to authenticate my birth certificates, so I'll go ahead and do that, maybe today.
Ugh, and I'm smoking again, even though I don't want to. I also haven't been to the gym since before two weeks ago when I took off on the Greyhound. Actually, I went the day before yesterday, but before that it had been about two weeks. Working out isn't fun. Not much is. Cigarettes are evil and I hate the fact that I'm addicted to them. I take a puff of weed now and then too, which I shouldn't. I'm already paranoid enough.
Another option I'm considering is trying to sell my world peace through marijuana shirts. I don't know.
- Victor Antonio
From: botanicogruber@hotmail.com
To: rightprotect@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: Your Mom
Date: Wed, 25 May 2011 07:23:06 -0500
Hello Victor, well, you broke the boredom of just being home with your mother and got out again into the World of the United States. Its like trying your wings again after resting them for a while.
You are showing perserverance in inching forward as fast as you can with the paper work to obtain your citizenship in Panama, congratulations on that. You need more discipline on spending since now whenever you come this way, this is the tourist off season and sales are down and its week to week in the survival mode, here we have only pockets of Americans in differrent areas so the goodwill support group you have there is not much present here. Matter of fact any one who is down on his luck is usually pushed down further by both Ameicans and Panamanians here, in general. Americans here are mostly ex government employees retired, and if they see a young person wondering arround without a job they think he has a defect, some thing is got to be wrong with him if he has not money. And if you borrow and live in the community and do not promptly pay back then your seen as a scam artist and persecute you. In their old age they do not do much constructive, mostly party, get drunk, socialize and bitch a lot about living conditions in Panama and the local corruption. I associate less and less with the local Americans....they are so differrent than the ones I grew up with, much of the mutual goodwil pact is gone...one being innocent until proven guilty in human relations matters. I tell you all these things so you never say Dad you fooled me about Panama, Painted it like a wonderful place to live and then it had many inherent defects. The truth is that almost everywhere higher spiritual values like honesty and love and positiveness, cheerfulness, etc are being lost, some places more than others. There are some months it just rains and rains and rains and the economy sort of comes to a standstill, flu epidemics occur a lot of local flooding, etc. October is the worst month for rain, flooding then is prevalent in many communities, landslides, etc. However as summer approaches especially the 15th of November the whole mood of Boquete improves as then the trikkle of tourists begins visible again and grows to its peek in February. My sales peaked here in one week, just 3 hours, at the tuesday market at 640 dollars. After commissions to the sales people took home about 400 dollars.
Last tuesday, yesterday, took home only 90 dollars, the week before 50 and the week before that 30 dollars. Luckily, now in survival mode, my rent is only 45 dollars monthly. We are always learning new ways to improve our diet while lowering the cost of food. Recently discarded sugar...since its vary harmful to digestion andthe brain and replaced it with Sugar Cane Molasses, bought ten gallons for 40 dollars. That should last us about six months. Our sugar consumption was about 180 dollars in six months, so our nutrition increases since it contains all its natural vitamins and minerals plus more energy at a cost of 40 dollars. Also in an emergency we can use it to make pastry and sell it.
I realize that the idea of selling something to gain money to meet ones needs is repugnant to you. Your deeply turned off by trading objects for money. You follow the idea that we should just give free to each other out of good will.....that is the extreme value in philantrophy, greed though is what motivates the World, ego, even if enough to survive on. Remember the 3 main levels of human spiritual evolution, 1. What is mine is mine and what is yours is mine also. 2. Give me this and I will give you that 3. Here take all this....no no no, I don't want anything in return, your gratitude and smile is payment enough! How humans perceive relations with other humans is largely determined by what category of the three above they fall into. About ten percent of people are in category 1, 85 percent in category 2 and about 5 percent in category 3. You fall in category 3, and that is why you feel out of place in this time zone of society in which you live. Each of the 3 category people struggle to make the world in their own image. Category 1 and 2 comprising about 95 percent of the people are moderately to vary ego oriented. The fact that most level 3 people miss is that to be philantropic in a big way they need large economic or material resources to help other people. The best social vehicle for helping others with other peoples money is called FOUNDATIONS. Foundations are the legal entities that receive the donations from the the philantropic wealthy who believein your ideals. Some people set up foundations as scams to get money free but they are basically of category 1, others genuinely have good intentions and do receive money free for good purposes, they then earn their pay checks by doing good to others. Have you ever thought of defining some of your philantropic goals and forming a foundation? Foundations are usually respectable. Start out by reviewing the hundred of philantropic foundations already in existence so you can eventually define your own foundation ideas better. I just suggest this because you are selfless service oriented, right??? You once told me you where a taker, however, in your many communications I see though that your more a giver if you had something worth while giving. Mother nature has a store house of things she gives us free, some of it just requires a little processing and packaging and for that foundation funds could be obtained. A great philosopher once said, Roussau, if I spelt his name correctly, MAN YOU ARE NOT ABANDONED, NATURE STILL EXISTS!
There is a mission where no one fails. Its showing LOVE and Consideration, sharing this with all one comes in contact with! Few though are willing to do so now days. Your grandmother, Diana Chiari de Gruber's greatest virtue was LOVE IN ACTION! Vocation is love for a profession. Tell me what you love and I will tell you what your good for....find your LOVES in life AND YOU SHALL DISCOVER YOUR PASSIONS!
God Bless Victor, have a wonderful day! Frank
From: rightprotect@hotmail.com
To: botanicogruber@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: Your Mom
Date: Mon, 23 May 2011 21:33:51 -0500
Hi Frank,
It's the 23rd and I have returned home on the bus. It was such a long, grueling ride back home. I did meet some nice people on the bus and made friends. It sucked, all I have to share with people is my past failure and dread for the future. I know I shouldn't be talking about it and being negative, but I just have nothing else on my mind. Alas, I spent so much money on that trip. I haven't even checked my balance. I need to cancel my ATM card, I lost it yesterday on the Greyhound.
I think I already explained it to you, about how I shot off West again. I had about $1100 in the bank. From El Paso I bought a two hundred dollar ticket. I was using my ATM card left and right. After I left the medicine camp I went back to Grants Pass, the city I had ridden the bus to. I just chilled there and relaxed and enjoyed being a worry free hippie again. I made friends with other free homeless guys and girls.
I was in Oregon, so of course I was smoking. I rode the bus and hitchhiked all the way to the medicine camp, but alas, the medicine woman wasn't there. I had gone all the way back to the Vietnam Vet's land expressly to seek her and see what kind of advice she had for me after me quitting my mission. I also wanted her to "put me down" again and see if the spirits could heal me. I needed closure. I based so much of my life on what that woman told me back in 2002. I showed up and in the end I was stalemated. I camped on this beautiful plaform the Vietnam vet had made on his beautiful property in the mountain.
I only stayed one night and left the next day, paid $219 for another ticket all the way back to San Antonio. On the way down I got a hair up my ass to get off the bus right after we passed the California border. I wanted to stop and see my friend Marilyn Trevino, this 58 year old lady who grows medical marijuana. Many times I have considered moving there and paying her rent. I still do sometimes. Anyway, I ended up chilling out with her for about a week. Helped her in her gardens and stuff. Nothing sexual, she's as old as Ada almost. We did give each other platonic massages though. At Marilyn's I called home and talked to Laura and Laura said she really needed my help with Ada. So I decided to leave. I was lucky, the Greyhound station in Weed, California let me get on without having to pay a reboarding fee. Well, on the bus going South I start talking to this pretty girl Tamara who I believe was a lesbian, a very cute one. 35 or so, I think.
She turns out having gone to school for clairvoyance. I offered her a little weed, Marilyn had given me a nice to-go bag with all her old bud roaches and some good shake. I had plenty to make friends on the way back home, teehee. Anyway, I asked Tamara where she was going and she said Chico. I told her I could get off with her and ride the bus the next day for only fifteen dollars. She said she would give me a reading if I did(she did eventually, I have it recorded, just haven't typed it up yet.)
A bit impulsive of me, I got off in Chico with this girl and she showed me around town. Right when we got off the bus in town we walked to the main square and there was a concert going on. Last Friday. So we walked to this coffee shop where they let me put my bag down and be free, and we went and danced around at the concert. Afterwards I treated her to a coffee at the shop that watched my bag. Some dude on the sidewalk outside saw my external frame pack and walked over. He asked me how I was doing on money, and I meekly told him I was ok, I got a crazy check. He gave me five dollars anyway and walked off. I thanked him and when he walked off I commented to my friend about him profiling me just because I had a backpack. Back at the coffee shop I gave the five dollars to my new friend. I didn't need it. Ahh, college town. Oh yeah, it was packed, it was graduation night. Oh yeah, and Tamarra also told me about some organic farming place in Oregon where rent would only be three hundred a month and it was instructional. I haven't typed it up yet, but I'll give more details later.
I guess it was fun, or at least I pretended to have fun with my new friend in her town. The whole time I was still pondering about the masses around me living the big lie that society is, all these distractions.
I was in a densely populated area and when it got around 1 or 2 I decided to walk off and find a camp somewhere, just like I used to do back when I was on my mission. Any town I'd come to at the end of the night, I wouldn't even ask people where a spot was, I'd just walk and take random turns and always end up at a great place each time. I did just that and after a mile or two found a perfect spot. These other homeless guy's camp in the weedy marsh. The next morning I woke up and hiked back to the Greyhound station and caught the bus at 11:30am. Had to pay fifteen bucks, but oh well.
One long bus trip back, took like two or three days, I think. I'm home now. It was weird, in Ada's empty house the door was unlocked and the air turned on. This house is just as I left it three days ago. I hope Laura came today and unlocked the door for me and left the air on. I have yet to get a hold of either one on their cellphones. Since Laura had just gotten a new apartment to accomodate her taking her son back, and since I had left, Laura decided to host Ada and tend to her, and her job, and her school and her son. Sounds like a lot, but she made her bed, she can lay in it. It's already 9:30pm and I have yet to get a hold of either one.
Welll, cheers, old man,
- Victor Antonio
p.s. let me go check the mail. Maybe my birth certificates I ordered have arrived.
From: botanicogruber@hotmail.com
To: rightprotect@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: Your Mom
Date: Wed, 18 May 2011 12:20:45 -0500
According to past karma and present desires, the law of affinity draws you to people, country and circumstances. Your free will, strong, can take you out of entanglements of the past to forge a better future. That may not necessarily be here in Panama but it is a differrent placeand culture and a window to the World. Just have faith in God and be Brave, the two most important virtues to find the proper roads and avenues to your future success. Modernism tries to make all people dependant on each other for economic and control reasons,learn to become self sufficient as much as possible and for that learn to swim against the prevailing currents...listen to your inner voice of intuition for good and follow its advice..ask and ye shall receive, the Good Lord that made us is already in us. We are already connected, its just looking more within and asking and receiving with faith. With fatherly affection, Frank
Just getting over a severe ear infection which took me two months to heal. Bet thats what your mother had also in this time period that went subtlely to her brain. Best wishes to her as well.
Save, save, save....when the time is ready you will come but don't waste neither time nor money, if a friendship does not help you grow in wisdom its not good for you! Frank
From: rightprotect@hotmail.com
To: botanicogruber@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: Your Mom
Date: Wed, 18 May 2011 10:49:46 -0500
Hi Frank,
I took off on a really impulsive trip. This guy I knows called me and said he needed someone with a license to help him get his car out of inpound. He was stcuk in Junction, TX. I didn't have anything to so home at Ada's, so I agreed to help him. $35 dollar bus ticket. Well, I left with not all of my traveling gear from my past. No camera or anything. Just some essentials. My frame backpack with sleeping bag and tarps. I rode the bus out to Junction and we camped next to the Llano river. The next morning we got his car out of inpound and drove to El Paso, where he lives. I was going to ride the bus back to San Antonio, but I figured, I'm already out west. One of the thing I wanted, for closure, was to go out and talk to the medicine woman in Oregon again. So with my minimal gear I bought a $200 bus ticket all the way to Oregon. I already went to the vietnam vets place and the medicine woman was not there. So I feel that I wasted the trip. I've been withdrawing money out of my bank account for food and stuff. I already paid another two hundred for a ticket all the way back to San Antonio. On the way down I decided to get off the bus and visit my friend Marilyn and I've been here for a couple of days. I'll probably continue home soon. This little trip is going to end up costing me like $500 or so, so I'll only have six hundred left when I get back. The round trip ticket is $530 and I wanted to have a lot more for the dual citien stuff. I did a background check on myself and I'm clean. I'll get another $440 at the end of the month. So right now in terms of me getting to Panama, it's a money issue. I still feel like I'm stuck on stupid and making many mistakes. And it was extremely hard so start smoking again ever since I got into Oregon. I'm still smoking cigarettes too. I'm just hanging out wasting time at my friends house. Hopefully I'll be on the road again soon, even though the bus trips are downright boring.
From: botanicogruber@hotmail.com
To: rightprotect@hotmail.com
Subject: Your Mom
Date: Fri, 13 May 2011 21:30:56 -0500
Hello Victor, how is your mom doing? Hope she is better. Here, well, not so good, many Americans are leaving Panama as they realize its not the heaven they expected. The local economy in Boquete is now entering the off tourism season, rain, man and more RAIN!
To top it off another 6 earthquake in Costa Rica. Just google Latest Earthquakes Worldwide and your kept up to date, they have a map also where earthquakes are distributed.
Here getting ready to implement My Survival Plan in case of worst scenarios with nature and economy. Nevertheless, we are calm and happy, hard times is just a way of life here for us....loving God and Nature and each other is the key! You are still welcome here any time, try to have a return trip OPEN ticket otherwise you lose your return ticket if its on a fixed date and you can't make it.
Best wishes to you, mom and family! Frank WHATS NEW?
How are things going for you lately? I am still very distraught about humanity's impending doom. Just watched this interesting interview(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NUUPp8b2dR8&NR=1).
What was the last I told you about Ada's condition? Well, she's been hospitalized twice now. She spent a whole month at one hospital and they were unable to find out what was wrong with her, her balance problem. Then she was admitted to the hospital where Laura works as a lactation consultant, North Central Baptist. There they were finally able to diagnose her with neurosarcoidosis(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neurosarcoidosis). She had regular sarcoidosis in her lungs twenty years ago, and it is known to migrate to another part of the body eventually. Well, it did to her central nervous system. She's always dizzy and uses a walker to get around. She's a lot happier at home with me.
Since the hospital was so close to Laura's apartment she lived with her for six days. Laura has a huge load to carry with her new daughter and fifteen year old son(which it took mom being hospitalized for her to take her son back, ugh, I don't like Laura very much). Ada was a bit stressed out there also, and since I still am wasting my life away here doing nothing, it was only fitting that Ada came back home. I've been taking care of her for the past two weeks or so. I'm a total house-son. Not only do I keep the house spotless for her, but I also wait on her and run errands and help her with anything she needs. It's only fair, she was there for me after I was hospitalized.
I still think everything is wrong in the world and I usually wish I was dead. I'm still hanging on for Ada. It's hard to get rid of this depression after learning the truth about what's really going on. Especially with my track record.
I've totally lost track of getting the dual citezenship going. I think I was last getting my birth certificate. I received them about a month ago. I guess I should mail them to Washington DC to get them authenticated. They already have my $30 dollar money order, I just have to mail them my certificate.
I have not been able to quit smoking, either one. Even though I don't want to smoke, especially weed because it makes me even more paranoid, but I still seek it out. Cigarettes too. It's mind-control. Addictions are evil, just like world governments. I just feel hopeless. All this talk about getting rid of useless eaters just makes me want to curl up and give up. I know I must sound like a broken record. I just don't know what else to say.
I would like to visit you before the end, but you have your own life you're living with a whole new family you plan to protect. America is going to be taken out first, I believe. But Panama and the rest of the world will be soon after. My mind is a complete blank. Not only do I have a really bad memory now that I stopped recording my life, but now that I've given up telling my story and trying to enlighten people, I have nothing to trade. I'm better off dead. I got used to life being easy. I never became a man. The clock is ticking.
You mentioned early November would be the ideal time to visit. I might just around then. If it's not too late. 4 months is a long time. I don't know about my dual citenzship though. I may not have enough money by then, but I should. Damnit, I can't for the life of me be happy. I hope things are going better for you than they are for me. I hate all the mistakes I've made in my life. Even if I were to survive this whole depopulation agenda, I wouldn't want to live in the Orwellian fascist slavery they have planned for the world. Yeah, I know so many people have it so much better than me. I mean, how am I supposed to meet a girl or anything. I'm a total loser and a mama's boy. No one is going to want to be with me. Sorry to leave you in the dark about my status for so long. Life sucks. Well, let me know what's going on.
Sincerely,
- Victor
From: botanicogruber@hotmail.com
To: rightprotect@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: Your Mom
Date: Thu, 2 Jun 2011 13:14:12 -0500
Victor, won´t hurt to have a second nationality so keep the process going. Its like an escape hatch if you ever need it. Alternatives gives a man dignity. Does not matter if it moves slow just get it done! Nothing wrong with helping your sister and mother. I am glad you are yet try and budget for your two way trip. Things here are vary vary slow, rains half of the day as well. Its always more interestng to come at the beginning of the tourist season which officially starts here on November nevertheless your welcome any time.
Have you ever considered traveling the World Vicariously_ Make a list of countries that might interest you then read up on them and watch documentaries about them. Learn what they produce and export, the idiosyncracies of their culture. The contrast of cultures and ideas stimulates ones own creativity.
Take time to develop new interests, go some where every 3 months to keep from getting bored. Pray to God for guidance and protection. Try and get along well with your mom and sister they are for all practical reasons your survival team. Give my mom my regards. I do wish her the best in her health and live, the same for your sisters. Just a little note to let you know I am still alive. Kee your spirits up! Frank
From: rightprotect@hotmail.com
To: botanicogruber@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: Your Mom
Date: Thu, 2 Jun 2011 12:44:08 -0500
Hi Frank,
Life has been kinda shitty lately. Ada's condition hasn't gotten any better. I've been her and Laura's driver for a while now. I've been shuttling her nephew to school and doing her favors. Like, I let her borrow three hundred dollars because her car needed to be worked on. I know a good mechanic and took it for her. She said she'd pay me back next month. I've gotten my birth certificates and just need to send them to Washington DC to get stamped. But lately I've been having second thoughts.
I have already resigned myself to the fact that the rich are going to kill the poor soon and there's not much anyone can do about it. With my track record and blatent self-incrimination I highly doubt I will be one they won't brand a useless eater. In my head injured, burnt out brain I don't fit in much anywhere, let alone a whole other country. I can't have conversations and very little, if anything makes me happy anymore.
I still want to visit though. Maybe I will receive some inspiration there, or not, and come back here to keep helping out at home. They already have the $30 money order to authenticate my birth certificates, so I'll go ahead and do that, maybe today.
Ugh, and I'm smoking again, even though I don't want to. I also haven't been to the gym since before two weeks ago when I took off on the Greyhound. Actually, I went the day before yesterday, but before that it had been about two weeks. Working out isn't fun. Not much is. Cigarettes are evil and I hate the fact that I'm addicted to them. I take a puff of weed now and then too, which I shouldn't. I'm already paranoid enough.
Another option I'm considering is trying to sell my world peace through marijuana shirts. I don't know.
- Victor Antonio
From: botanicogruber@hotmail.com
To: rightprotect@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: Your Mom
Date: Wed, 25 May 2011 07:23:06 -0500
Hello Victor, well, you broke the boredom of just being home with your mother and got out again into the World of the United States. Its like trying your wings again after resting them for a while.
You are showing perserverance in inching forward as fast as you can with the paper work to obtain your citizenship in Panama, congratulations on that. You need more discipline on spending since now whenever you come this way, this is the tourist off season and sales are down and its week to week in the survival mode, here we have only pockets of Americans in differrent areas so the goodwill support group you have there is not much present here. Matter of fact any one who is down on his luck is usually pushed down further by both Ameicans and Panamanians here, in general. Americans here are mostly ex government employees retired, and if they see a young person wondering arround without a job they think he has a defect, some thing is got to be wrong with him if he has not money. And if you borrow and live in the community and do not promptly pay back then your seen as a scam artist and persecute you. In their old age they do not do much constructive, mostly party, get drunk, socialize and bitch a lot about living conditions in Panama and the local corruption. I associate less and less with the local Americans....they are so differrent than the ones I grew up with, much of the mutual goodwil pact is gone...one being innocent until proven guilty in human relations matters. I tell you all these things so you never say Dad you fooled me about Panama, Painted it like a wonderful place to live and then it had many inherent defects. The truth is that almost everywhere higher spiritual values like honesty and love and positiveness, cheerfulness, etc are being lost, some places more than others. There are some months it just rains and rains and rains and the economy sort of comes to a standstill, flu epidemics occur a lot of local flooding, etc. October is the worst month for rain, flooding then is prevalent in many communities, landslides, etc. However as summer approaches especially the 15th of November the whole mood of Boquete improves as then the trikkle of tourists begins visible again and grows to its peek in February. My sales peaked here in one week, just 3 hours, at the tuesday market at 640 dollars. After commissions to the sales people took home about 400 dollars.
Last tuesday, yesterday, took home only 90 dollars, the week before 50 and the week before that 30 dollars. Luckily, now in survival mode, my rent is only 45 dollars monthly. We are always learning new ways to improve our diet while lowering the cost of food. Recently discarded sugar...since its vary harmful to digestion andthe brain and replaced it with Sugar Cane Molasses, bought ten gallons for 40 dollars. That should last us about six months. Our sugar consumption was about 180 dollars in six months, so our nutrition increases since it contains all its natural vitamins and minerals plus more energy at a cost of 40 dollars. Also in an emergency we can use it to make pastry and sell it.
I realize that the idea of selling something to gain money to meet ones needs is repugnant to you. Your deeply turned off by trading objects for money. You follow the idea that we should just give free to each other out of good will.....that is the extreme value in philantrophy, greed though is what motivates the World, ego, even if enough to survive on. Remember the 3 main levels of human spiritual evolution, 1. What is mine is mine and what is yours is mine also. 2. Give me this and I will give you that 3. Here take all this....no no no, I don't want anything in return, your gratitude and smile is payment enough! How humans perceive relations with other humans is largely determined by what category of the three above they fall into. About ten percent of people are in category 1, 85 percent in category 2 and about 5 percent in category 3. You fall in category 3, and that is why you feel out of place in this time zone of society in which you live. Each of the 3 category people struggle to make the world in their own image. Category 1 and 2 comprising about 95 percent of the people are moderately to vary ego oriented. The fact that most level 3 people miss is that to be philantropic in a big way they need large economic or material resources to help other people. The best social vehicle for helping others with other peoples money is called FOUNDATIONS. Foundations are the legal entities that receive the donations from the the philantropic wealthy who believein your ideals. Some people set up foundations as scams to get money free but they are basically of category 1, others genuinely have good intentions and do receive money free for good purposes, they then earn their pay checks by doing good to others. Have you ever thought of defining some of your philantropic goals and forming a foundation? Foundations are usually respectable. Start out by reviewing the hundred of philantropic foundations already in existence so you can eventually define your own foundation ideas better. I just suggest this because you are selfless service oriented, right??? You once told me you where a taker, however, in your many communications I see though that your more a giver if you had something worth while giving. Mother nature has a store house of things she gives us free, some of it just requires a little processing and packaging and for that foundation funds could be obtained. A great philosopher once said, Roussau, if I spelt his name correctly, MAN YOU ARE NOT ABANDONED, NATURE STILL EXISTS!
There is a mission where no one fails. Its showing LOVE and Consideration, sharing this with all one comes in contact with! Few though are willing to do so now days. Your grandmother, Diana Chiari de Gruber's greatest virtue was LOVE IN ACTION! Vocation is love for a profession. Tell me what you love and I will tell you what your good for....find your LOVES in life AND YOU SHALL DISCOVER YOUR PASSIONS!
God Bless Victor, have a wonderful day! Frank
From: rightprotect@hotmail.com
To: botanicogruber@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: Your Mom
Date: Mon, 23 May 2011 21:33:51 -0500
Hi Frank,
It's the 23rd and I have returned home on the bus. It was such a long, grueling ride back home. I did meet some nice people on the bus and made friends. It sucked, all I have to share with people is my past failure and dread for the future. I know I shouldn't be talking about it and being negative, but I just have nothing else on my mind. Alas, I spent so much money on that trip. I haven't even checked my balance. I need to cancel my ATM card, I lost it yesterday on the Greyhound.
I think I already explained it to you, about how I shot off West again. I had about $1100 in the bank. From El Paso I bought a two hundred dollar ticket. I was using my ATM card left and right. After I left the medicine camp I went back to Grants Pass, the city I had ridden the bus to. I just chilled there and relaxed and enjoyed being a worry free hippie again. I made friends with other free homeless guys and girls.
I was in Oregon, so of course I was smoking. I rode the bus and hitchhiked all the way to the medicine camp, but alas, the medicine woman wasn't there. I had gone all the way back to the Vietnam Vet's land expressly to seek her and see what kind of advice she had for me after me quitting my mission. I also wanted her to "put me down" again and see if the spirits could heal me. I needed closure. I based so much of my life on what that woman told me back in 2002. I showed up and in the end I was stalemated. I camped on this beautiful plaform the Vietnam vet had made on his beautiful property in the mountain.
I only stayed one night and left the next day, paid $219 for another ticket all the way back to San Antonio. On the way down I got a hair up my ass to get off the bus right after we passed the California border. I wanted to stop and see my friend Marilyn Trevino, this 58 year old lady who grows medical marijuana. Many times I have considered moving there and paying her rent. I still do sometimes. Anyway, I ended up chilling out with her for about a week. Helped her in her gardens and stuff. Nothing sexual, she's as old as Ada almost. We did give each other platonic massages though. At Marilyn's I called home and talked to Laura and Laura said she really needed my help with Ada. So I decided to leave. I was lucky, the Greyhound station in Weed, California let me get on without having to pay a reboarding fee. Well, on the bus going South I start talking to this pretty girl Tamara who I believe was a lesbian, a very cute one. 35 or so, I think.
She turns out having gone to school for clairvoyance. I offered her a little weed, Marilyn had given me a nice to-go bag with all her old bud roaches and some good shake. I had plenty to make friends on the way back home, teehee. Anyway, I asked Tamara where she was going and she said Chico. I told her I could get off with her and ride the bus the next day for only fifteen dollars. She said she would give me a reading if I did(she did eventually, I have it recorded, just haven't typed it up yet.)
A bit impulsive of me, I got off in Chico with this girl and she showed me around town. Right when we got off the bus in town we walked to the main square and there was a concert going on. Last Friday. So we walked to this coffee shop where they let me put my bag down and be free, and we went and danced around at the concert. Afterwards I treated her to a coffee at the shop that watched my bag. Some dude on the sidewalk outside saw my external frame pack and walked over. He asked me how I was doing on money, and I meekly told him I was ok, I got a crazy check. He gave me five dollars anyway and walked off. I thanked him and when he walked off I commented to my friend about him profiling me just because I had a backpack. Back at the coffee shop I gave the five dollars to my new friend. I didn't need it. Ahh, college town. Oh yeah, it was packed, it was graduation night. Oh yeah, and Tamarra also told me about some organic farming place in Oregon where rent would only be three hundred a month and it was instructional. I haven't typed it up yet, but I'll give more details later.
I guess it was fun, or at least I pretended to have fun with my new friend in her town. The whole time I was still pondering about the masses around me living the big lie that society is, all these distractions.
I was in a densely populated area and when it got around 1 or 2 I decided to walk off and find a camp somewhere, just like I used to do back when I was on my mission. Any town I'd come to at the end of the night, I wouldn't even ask people where a spot was, I'd just walk and take random turns and always end up at a great place each time. I did just that and after a mile or two found a perfect spot. These other homeless guy's camp in the weedy marsh. The next morning I woke up and hiked back to the Greyhound station and caught the bus at 11:30am. Had to pay fifteen bucks, but oh well.
One long bus trip back, took like two or three days, I think. I'm home now. It was weird, in Ada's empty house the door was unlocked and the air turned on. This house is just as I left it three days ago. I hope Laura came today and unlocked the door for me and left the air on. I have yet to get a hold of either one on their cellphones. Since Laura had just gotten a new apartment to accomodate her taking her son back, and since I had left, Laura decided to host Ada and tend to her, and her job, and her school and her son. Sounds like a lot, but she made her bed, she can lay in it. It's already 9:30pm and I have yet to get a hold of either one.
Welll, cheers, old man,
- Victor Antonio
p.s. let me go check the mail. Maybe my birth certificates I ordered have arrived.
From: botanicogruber@hotmail.com
To: rightprotect@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: Your Mom
Date: Wed, 18 May 2011 12:20:45 -0500
According to past karma and present desires, the law of affinity draws you to people, country and circumstances. Your free will, strong, can take you out of entanglements of the past to forge a better future. That may not necessarily be here in Panama but it is a differrent placeand culture and a window to the World. Just have faith in God and be Brave, the two most important virtues to find the proper roads and avenues to your future success. Modernism tries to make all people dependant on each other for economic and control reasons,learn to become self sufficient as much as possible and for that learn to swim against the prevailing currents...listen to your inner voice of intuition for good and follow its advice..ask and ye shall receive, the Good Lord that made us is already in us. We are already connected, its just looking more within and asking and receiving with faith. With fatherly affection, Frank
Just getting over a severe ear infection which took me two months to heal. Bet thats what your mother had also in this time period that went subtlely to her brain. Best wishes to her as well.
Save, save, save....when the time is ready you will come but don't waste neither time nor money, if a friendship does not help you grow in wisdom its not good for you! Frank
From: rightprotect@hotmail.com
To: botanicogruber@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: Your Mom
Date: Wed, 18 May 2011 10:49:46 -0500
Hi Frank,
I took off on a really impulsive trip. This guy I knows called me and said he needed someone with a license to help him get his car out of inpound. He was stcuk in Junction, TX. I didn't have anything to so home at Ada's, so I agreed to help him. $35 dollar bus ticket. Well, I left with not all of my traveling gear from my past. No camera or anything. Just some essentials. My frame backpack with sleeping bag and tarps. I rode the bus out to Junction and we camped next to the Llano river. The next morning we got his car out of inpound and drove to El Paso, where he lives. I was going to ride the bus back to San Antonio, but I figured, I'm already out west. One of the thing I wanted, for closure, was to go out and talk to the medicine woman in Oregon again. So with my minimal gear I bought a $200 bus ticket all the way to Oregon. I already went to the vietnam vets place and the medicine woman was not there. So I feel that I wasted the trip. I've been withdrawing money out of my bank account for food and stuff. I already paid another two hundred for a ticket all the way back to San Antonio. On the way down I decided to get off the bus and visit my friend Marilyn and I've been here for a couple of days. I'll probably continue home soon. This little trip is going to end up costing me like $500 or so, so I'll only have six hundred left when I get back. The round trip ticket is $530 and I wanted to have a lot more for the dual citien stuff. I did a background check on myself and I'm clean. I'll get another $440 at the end of the month. So right now in terms of me getting to Panama, it's a money issue. I still feel like I'm stuck on stupid and making many mistakes. And it was extremely hard so start smoking again ever since I got into Oregon. I'm still smoking cigarettes too. I'm just hanging out wasting time at my friends house. Hopefully I'll be on the road again soon, even though the bus trips are downright boring.
From: botanicogruber@hotmail.com
To: rightprotect@hotmail.com
Subject: Your Mom
Date: Fri, 13 May 2011 21:30:56 -0500
Hello Victor, how is your mom doing? Hope she is better. Here, well, not so good, many Americans are leaving Panama as they realize its not the heaven they expected. The local economy in Boquete is now entering the off tourism season, rain, man and more RAIN!
To top it off another 6 earthquake in Costa Rica. Just google Latest Earthquakes Worldwide and your kept up to date, they have a map also where earthquakes are distributed.
Here getting ready to implement My Survival Plan in case of worst scenarios with nature and economy. Nevertheless, we are calm and happy, hard times is just a way of life here for us....loving God and Nature and each other is the key! You are still welcome here any time, try to have a return trip OPEN ticket otherwise you lose your return ticket if its on a fixed date and you can't make it.
Best wishes to you, mom and family! Frank WHATS NEW?
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