lettertodumbass

 

this is a letter i sent to my long-lost father who lives in panama. he abandoned the family when i was 3(im 24 now), and finally broke the silence when he got internet access.

- victor

*** wow frank, this email just turned into a huge missive, i hope you can find time to read it. if you have a printer available where you get online, you might want to print it out and read it at your discretion. ***

hello frank,

i just wanted to let you know that my situation has grown a bit dismal here in san antonio. the other day i got into an argument with my mother.

her getting a computer was the biggest mistake she could have ever made. her laziness-disease runs rampant now. she spends most of her time wasting her life away playing internet-dominos or some other stupid game. her complaints finally got unbearable and i pointed out all her flaws to her.

for some reason she thinks she deserves to be lazy and non-productive. i told her most of her problems would just dissapear if she used her time wisely and walked and drank water, but in her ignorance, she never listened. every time i tell her about her computer-use, she goes, "so what? i pay for the cable modem."

almost everything in her house is broken and does not work. the front bathroom's shower hasnt worked in almost a year, the garbage disposal is broken too, not to mention the house is a complete mess all the time. when i first got back home, after being at the hospital, i was in a good frame of mind and willing to help out my mother. i cleaned and washed dishes the first night i got back. soon afterwards i grew tired of cleaning up everyone elses mess. they dont understand the logic in that if you clean up after yourself right after you mess something up, that the mess wont get so bad. duh. its like everytime my mother and laura finish eating, they race to the computer, leaving the dishes dirty.

while i lived in that house, i tried to be out of it as much as possible and only sleep and shower there. in the mornings i would walk 10 minutes to the bus stop and ride the bus all day long, finding productive ways to use my time. i would travel all over the city, learning more everyday, and would come home just to sleep. since i wasnt in the house at all, the mess i made was very minimal and i did clean up after myself. therefore, i did not think it was my responsibility to clean up after anyone elses laziness. so, i didnt. mother became angry and told me that i should be contributing. she even wanted me to apply for food-stamps, so she wouldnt have to pay for food for the house.

she also told me that if i wasnt going to get a job, that i should apply for social security. now, after my head-injuries, i did apply for social-security, and was denied on numerous occasions. ive been told that you have to keep on applying before they finally grant it, but i have made myself as independant from money as possible, therefore i wouldnt want any handouts from the goevernment.

i use generosity to fulfill my needs. i guess you can call me a modern mendicant. since i walk this city so much, whenever i am hungry ill walk into any restaurant and ask to speak to the manager. i tell them, "hello, my name is victor. i walk for health, for its the secret to life. my destination today is downtown. i was wondering if you would mind donating some gasoline for my stomach? if its a problem, dont worry about it. im sure the next restaurant i pass will be generous and give me something." almost everyone gives me free food, and if they dont, oh well, the next place will.

it just goes to prove my theory that no one needs money to sustain life. money segregates people and gives them a false sense of respect. just think, if things didnt possess a monetary-value, would people steal? so many less people would die, and in the end, if everyone changed their mind about money, the only inevitable-result would be WORLD PEACE. instead of striving to make their bank accounts bigger, people would try to be the most generous, to see who could get the most attention. if everyone was working for free, theyd get helped out right back. itd be a win-win situation, no? i mean, would you work for free if all your needs and wants were automatically taken care of? i know i wouldnt want to stay home all day bored, i would find a job that i enjoyed, something that gave me a great sense of accomplishment, and i would do my very best at it, every day learning more and getting better.

my ideas have been compared to communism, but i am not a communist. maybe communism failed because of the bad stigma it brought in its time, but whats the root-word of communism? community. this will be the only way well ever be able to achieve peace in this world.

as different as everyone is, and that diversity is something supported by science, we are all still human-beings, and you cant tell me that doing good doesnt feel good. itll be like getting high off of life.

well anyway, right before i left my mothers house, i called my friend carlos and asked him if i could spend the night because i needed to get out of my mothers. i told him it would just be one night and he agreed. he and two other roommates rent a house and they go to college, so you can imagine the condition it is in. they party and drink alcohol so its always a mess. i got my friend marie to give me a ride over there with my things(3 shirts, my folder with all my documents and my water bottle).

when i got there, i talked to carlos and asked him if i could stay there for a week. i assure him that i would do chores and any manual labor he needed done. since he is suffering from the same laziness disease my mother has contracted, he agreed, but told me he i had to be out in 4 days. i told him that was ok, for by then i would figure something out.

my first chore was to clean the batroom. the very next day i rode the bus around all day and got back to his house around 6pm. i apologized for being out on the bus all day and said i would start on the bathroom right then.

3 people use the bathroom and it had not been cleaned in many months, so you can imagine the mess. i cleaned the entire bathroom spotless in about 45 minutes. i polished the mirror, cleaned the toilet with ajax and disenfectant, dusted, scrubbed the dirty tub, and scrubbed the floor that was totally filthy. carlos congratulated me on doing such a good job. and it seemed like as long as i cleaned with such gusto, that i would be welcome there.

the next day i rode the bus to thrift-store. since i told my mother i was starting a job soon, she had given me $20 so i could buy some clothes. i ended up spending $10 on cigarettes and was saving the rest for clothes for work. i went to this thrift-store where i had made friends with a manager. i showed her my portable-party idea and now shes an avid bus-rider too. since im liked so much there, i get free stuff all the time. before i went on my trip west, i had been given a beautiful antique sofa and chair.

so there i was, looking for clothes for work. now my mother had given me a few shirts that were given to her by my grandparents in puerto rico, so all i needed were some pants, shoes and a tie. i was waiting for my manager friend to get there to see if she could give me a big discount, if not donate it all to me.

i scoured the rack of pants and pulled out like 5 pairs. i then went over and looked at all the shoes and found a very nice pair of size 12 shoes. they were leather and exactly the type i needed for my job. i grabbed them and then went to look through the ties. i found some really clever ties.

my manager friend olivia never showed up, so i grabbed my clothes and asked to speak to the manager. i told him, "excuse me sir, i will begin my job tomorrow and will have some more money soon. is there any way you can let me have all these clothes for only $10? i would write it down in my pocket-calender that i owe you money and when i got my first paycheck i would be sure to come pay you back." unfortunately, the manager told me no, because there were cameras everywhere(like that made a difference). so i looked at all the clothes and decided to just get the shoes and one pair of pants. the shoes were $6.95 and i tried on some pants. i had found a pair of expensive ralph lauren polo chino slacks for only $2.90, and they were my exact fit! i always have trouble finding my size of pants. i am 6'6" and my pant size is 36-36, and those slacks were exactly that. i was like, badass. so i put everything else to the side and took the two items up to the register. since it was a thrift-store, they didnt charge any sales tax and the total came out to $9.85! man,i was having a good day that day.

the next day i went out again on the bus. i stayed on it from 7am to 1030pm. i had a great time and learned a lot. now ive figured out a way to ride the bus for free basically. well i have to have the fare in the morning to get on. transfers are 15 cents and you can buy them at any time of the bus trip. as soon as i board the bus, ill ask people on the bus if they have a spare 15 cents i can have for a transfer. almost everyone reaches into their pockets and offers me the change. so i do that all day long. transfers are good for 2 hours, so that gives me plenty of time to be productive.

when i receive things from other people its not like theyre not getting something out of it also. theyre getting that good feeling of helping a brother out. i mean, if it was just a one-sided transaction, no one would agree to give me anything. people say i take advantage of kindness, and that is somewhat true, but not necessarily bad. its not like im twisting anyones arm, i give them the choice to say no. it truly doesnt hurt to ask. i am not a beggar, i am not a taker. i am an asker, and an acceptor and arent advantages better than disadvantages?

so about 4 days passed at carlos'. on the 4th day, in the morning i rode the bus to my mothers house to use her computer while she was gone. i went to the san antonio chat room on america online and asked anyone if they could spare a few hits of marijuana, because i was bored. i told them if they had a cable modem or another form of broadband internet that i would teach them how to get free stuff. this one 21 year old guy agreed, and when i asked him where he lived he told me the southeast part of town. now i was staying in the northwest side of town so he was on the very opposite of where i was. i told him to expect me soon and called the bus company and gave them my destination. they punched it into the computer and told me exactly which buses to catch at what times. in the end, i got to his house in only one hour.

even though ive lived in this town since i was 3 years old, i had never been to the southside. everyone referred to it as the ghetto and i only heard bad things about it, but its a truly beautiful part of the city. theres old neighborhoods, schools everywhere and many good people. it was a great experience for me, like visiting a whole other town.

the guy i was visiting smoked me out and i got to work on his computer. i downloaded some programs that would help him learn what i know. he even let me eat a big sandwich.

after a couple hours, i caught the bus back home. the bus that took me all the way to carlos' house had already stopped running at that time, so the furthest i could get was about a 45-minute walk away. as i was walking by i passed the dominos pizza where i had made a friend and been given free pizza before. now i had told carlos days ago that one of these nights i was going to bring home a pizza for everyone, but he didnt believe me. so i walked into the store and started talking with the cute female general manager. i told her my situation and that it would really help me out if i had a pizza to bring home, since i had been out all day. she told me that the big manager of the company was driving around checking stores out. so i told her that i was starting a job tomorrow and would have some money soon, and if she could extend me some credit. she gladly agreed and even gave me an employee-discount, making the pizza only $4. i was like, cool.

so i walked to carlos' house with pizza in hand. when i finally got to his door, i knocked. carlos opened it and i said, "good evening, dinner is served." he told me they had already eaten dinner and i told them they could reheat it and eat it later. i went ate 4 slices for i was very hungry.

afterwards, i took a shower, put on some pajama pants and threw my dirty laundry in so i could wear it the next day. while i was sitting there watching them play videogames. robert, one of carlos' roommates started chastising me for not doing any chores that day. now, i didnt agree to do chores every single day i was there and i told him that i would work a lot on the house tomorrow. he expected me to get to work right then. it was night-time and i had spent the whole day walking and riding the bus, so i refused to. i told him that i was way too tired and to have some patience, that whatever he expected of me would be done tomorrow.

he became angry and told me, "ok, leave then." i got up and walked to the garage to check if my laundry was ready. it had about 5 minutes left on the washer, so i walked back and sat down in front of the tv while robert and carlos played a videogame. i asked carlos, who has been my friend since i was 16, "carlos, do you concur with robert?" carlos said, "i dont want to be a part of this, but since robert is my partner here, then yeah. we had an agreement and im not goint to let you pull the wool over my eyes, so yes, you should leave." i said, "fine, i dont want to be anywhere where im not welcome, clean up your own mess. when my laundry is done i will gladly leave, ill see if chasity will let me crash at her apartment(chasity, my exgirlfriend, lived about an hours' walk away)."

when my clothes were still drying and robert went to the garage, checked them and came out and told me, "ok, theyre dry, get out." i put my clothes on, grabbed a plastic bag that had my folder and mini-umbrella in it, took out another plastic bag and put my new shoes inside. i then went to the closet and grabbed 3 shirts on hangars that my grandparents had given my mom for me. i have a tennis ball on each end of my walking stick, for grip, so i looped the two plastic bags over the end of the stick, and also hung the clothes on the stick too.

i called chasity and told her my situation. now chasity, like my mother, thinks im crazy and wont listen to my ideas. i had lived with chasity for 4 years and thought i could count on her trust, damn the ignorance in this world. anyway, it was late so my call woke her up, i asked her if i could stay there and she said, "no victor, i was already asleep, i have to work in the morning."

soon afterwards robert said, "hey, are you using MY phone?" he then went to the phone jack and unplugged it. i was like, "ok bob, you made your point." so i then headed to the front door.

my walking stick is made of yucca wood and is very strong and lightweight. i easily put it over my shoulder, told the guys to have a good night and drive carefully and left on my hour-long walk.

every now and then, when one of my shoulders got sore, i would switch to the other one. it was a long walk, but with determination i made it all the way. i knocked on chasitys door and told her, "well chasity, i thought i had friends, but apparently not." she was upset but told me to come in. so i went inside, put my stick down, and took a shower. i crawled into my california-kingsize bed that i had let chasity hold for me while i had gone on my trip(she also got to keep my computer) and talked to chasity. she told me she would only allow me to stay one night.

the next day i woke up when she did, only getting 3 hours of sleep. i put on my new clothes and caught the bus to my mothers to go use her computer again. i was there for about an hour, before my sister laura arrived and told me she wanted to use the computer. i told her shed have to wait until i was finished and she got upset. i used it for about an hour more, it was getting to be close to the time when i needed to catch the bus to go to work. i got off the computer and went to tell laura it was free, but she had locked herself in my mothers room. i left the house on my 10 minute walk to the bus stop. about ¼ ways there, i realized i had forgotten my walking stick and water-bottle. i knew i was gonna miss the bus if i went back, but i needed those things and i was willing to be late. so i headed back to my moms house. if i was able to get my stick and bottle and run back to the bus stop, i might still be able to catch the bus

when i got there laura had locked herself in the computer-room, which used to be part of the garage before my mother had a wall installed to make it an extra room, i had left both my water bottle and walking stick in this room. i banged on the door and yelled at her to open it, but she ignored me. i told her, "laura, if you make me miss the bus and im late to the first day of training, theyll make me reschedule for a training class next week. im finally doing what everyone wants me to and getting a job. Why do you have to be such a bitch? open the damn door. if you dont, ill open it myself." i guess she didnt take me seriously because she didnt unlock it. so, i began to slam my back into the door, after a couple of times, i could hear the deadbolt coming loose and im sure so could laura. i told her, "look, a couple more hits is going to break the door-jamb and let me in, and youll have to explain it all to mom. be sure to tell her how it was all your stupid fault." she still didnt get up to unlock it, so i made one last strike against the door and it swung open, taking with it a lot of the door-jamb. i walked in and laura was sitting at the computer writing an email. i grabbed my water-bottle and walking stick. by that time, it was already too late to catch the bus and i would be late for work for sure.

laura got off the computer and grabbed the phone, so the computer was free. i then got the idea to go to the chat rooms on america online and ask someone if they could give me a ride to work. so i signed onto aol and sent the same message to each person individually saying, "ahhh, my stupid sister made me miss the bus and now im going to be late for my first day of training at work. will anyone please give me a ride?!?!." sure enough, someone finally agreed. he lived on the southside but said they didnt have anything etter to do, so i gave him directions to my mothers house and he said he was on his way. just then i got up to see where laura was.

i went to the front door and i saw laura outside talking with a policeman who had pulled up to the house. i thought, "oh my god, i cant believe she called the cops." i walked outside and laura pointed at me. i grabbed my wallet and pulled out my identification and handed it to the policeman before he asked me for it. he took it and i apologized for wasting their time. i told him that the whole incident could have been prevented if laura had gotten off her lazy ass and unlocked the door so i could get my things, and that because of her stubborness, i missed the bus to go to work and was going to have to reschedule for another training class next week. the policeman asked me where i lived and i told him that my place of residency is a bit unstable, but i stay at a friends house or my exgirlfriends house when they let me. he asked me how i entered my mothers house and i pulled out the key she had given me that i keep in my wallet.

actually, im glad laura was stupid that day. the policeman asked me where i was starting work and i told him. it just so happens that my place of work is right next to the police-substation where he was heading, so he offered me a ride to work. i told laura that if a guy came over to pick me up, to tell him what happened and that i had gotten a ride with the policeman, because it was getting late and it was imparitive that be at work on time.

i thanked the policeman many times, grabbed my stick and bottle and climbed into the back seat of his cruiser. i still had 20 minutes to get to work, so i was going to get there a bit early. it was awesome, i got a police-escort to my first day of work, just because of my stupid sister. thanks sis. :]

work was really cool. i had been placed on this project soliciting high-speed internet service, something which i was very familiar with. years ago, when i was on a similar project there, i was the top performer since day one. i would give customers quick tech-support and fix their computers, and they would trust me and buy from me. i even wrote up my own scripts for the project. so i cant wait to start calling, im gonna kick this projects ass, and ill be able to slowly pay off the debt ive accrued in my recent travels.

so now, i have to figure out where im going to stay tonight. i cant stay here at chasitys, i cant go to my friend carlos' and i sure as hell cant go back to my mothers. maybe ill just stay up all night and see if chasity will let me sleep at her apartment while shes there, since she doesnt work tomorrow.

ok frank, i hope you are happy(dont mean that in a condescending way). have a good day

- victor