Marriage

1.   My son asked me what it's like to be married.  I told him to leave me alone and when he did I asked him why he was ignoring me.

2.  I never knew true happiness until I got married. By then, it was too late.

3.  Every once in a while I look at our marriage license.

I'm still looking for a loophole.

4.  Engagement" can mean either planning to marry or initiating combat. 

Coincidence?

5.  Do you know why divorce is so expensive?

Because it's worth it .

6.  I was mugged on the way home last night.  Pointing a knife at me he said, "Your money or your life."  I told him I was married so I have no money nor a life. We hugged and cried together. It was a beautiful moment.

7.   I’m considering removing my dog’s tail.  My mother in law comes next weekend and I intend to get rid of anything that would give her the impression that she is welcome.

8.  I have a soft spot for my Mother-in-Law.  It's been freshly dug in the garden behind the garage.