Tita: Victor doesn't like it when I interrupt and sometimes I have something urgent. I'm lonely! Victor is the only person I have to interact with. Out of respect for him not wanting to be interrupted I have a notebook here for our project and I had an idea. See, Mamada was really happy when she told me the story of how she got the marriage annulled.
It was her easy-out for her to shy away from her holy matrimony and the responsibility, THE COVENANT THAT SHE AGREED TO with Franklin and to her kids. Because in a perfect world she should've worked it out with him, at least try. They should've had extensive counseling on behalf of their children's future. They could have come to some agreement.
Maybe it was too much work for her? I guess she didn't consider she had young children and that it may have been even harder to be a single mother(She had two three year old TWINS!). Maybe she didn't consider how she would or even could compensate for the void left by splitting the family up. She chose to be a single mother. It was not imposed on her.
Victor: IT'S MORE MY MOTHER'S FAULT I DIDN'T HAVE A FATHER THAN MY FATHER'S!
MAMADA INSISTED ON MAKING IT HARD FOR FRANKLIN!
SHE MADE IT HOPELESS FOR HIM! SHE, STILL TO THIS DAY, CONSTANTLY DEMONIZES HIM TO ALL SHE KNOWS ONLY TO ELEVATE HERSELF AND PRETEND SHE'S A BETTER PARENT THAN SHE REALLY IS!
SHE HAS FLIPPED THE TABLES AND MADE FRANKLIN GRUBER CHIARI HER PERSONAL SCAPEGOAT!
ADA IS THE EPITOME OF SPITE!
SHE IS STILLL BROKE AND STRESSED OUT!
YOU REAP WHAT YOU SOW!
WHAT WOULD'VE JESUS DONE, MAMADA?
HOW UNLIKE CHRIST CHRISTIANS ARE!
MY MOTHER THE DEVIL WORSHIPPING HYPOCRITE!
Tita: At least that's what it's like in Game of Thrones which is a fantasy world. I haven't delved too deeply in that area of history, but it is based on medieval times. What they supposedly did was that a marriage was a form of alliance. People would negotiate.
Victor: Wives were tradeable goods?
Tita: Exactly, if you marry her not only will you eventually have all of my land, all these acres of property and you will be the king. If you marry my daughter you will eventually be the king. You will be the prince-in-waiting. That's why the people interested, usually the parents and even the siblings, there would be a special area there in the chambers where they could witness the intercourse only on the wedding night. Once they had sex the woman was no longer available to anyone else. This was the proof that the male wanted to produce an heir. The heir will be a grandkid who would also have a place in line to inherit. All of these things mattered back then.
That's why in my head, I had just watched Game of Thrones six months before that, so when Victor's mom was saying her marriage was annulled that made me wonder. I was like, what? Does that change Victor's legitimacy?
I didn't know all of this stuff, that at least in Texas law, this is what she said, this is what I remember: Ada said, "Pues, fui con el abogado y el ya sabia los particulares y yo no sabia como hacerlo y no queria hacerlo porque mis padres no lo querian. Eran muy Catolicos y sabian que el matrimonio es por vida. Cuando yo fui al abogado me dijo, "No te preocupes, dejame buscar, tenga paciencia." Este abogado encontro un libro, y fijo su dedo en una pagina.
Dijo, "Ah, aqui esta." "This passage says that if the husband does not provide the marriage can be annulled. That's it."
She was ecstatic about it! She saw it as her ticket out of the marriage. In my opinion, if I didn't know Mamada at all, just to think in general terms of a woman and man with little kids, wouldn't anyone want their parents to try and work it out? Wouldn't the grandparents and the aunts and the uncles and the neighbors, no matter how bad a person he may have been wouldn't you have rather said, "I already chose him. I made my bed, let me lie in it. I don't want to leave my kids without a father. That's not an option. So guess what, we are going to bite the bullet, both of us and find a way to get along. If not for us, but for the sake of our young kids."
Because, especially with the twins who are only three now, but by the time they go to kindergarten and preschool and it's show and tell day, it's only going to be Mamada alone without a husband.
Because if she gets custody, in those days mothers usually did almost exclusively, especially if the reason is because the dad is unfit, because he stopped providing, and not getting a job, did they not think, did they not have the foresight to think, "How is it going to be for Victor, especially because he's a boy, to not have his daddy there for show and tell? To not have a daddy to come home with the bacon and be there for them and put him on his lap."
Or when the girls get older to be sure to teach them, "You better be respected. This is what respect means. You are going to be supervised when you out on dates. I don't want you to have sex until you are over eighteen," all these things a dad is usually the one who sets down those rules.
The dad sets down and enforces discipline, morals and responsibility. Children with good fathers know better how to conduct themselves because they fear breaking their father's rules more than their mother's. In general women tend overly forgiving and lenient.
Victor: Any rules Mamada tried to enforce were not taken seriously by us because we saw early on how she was all talk.
Tita: See, all of these things were not considered because Ada was in a huff over Franklin not working or providing.
Victor: Her ego was in a huff.
Tita: Yeah, so if she created the story of him being evil and him being horrible, how he was always on his hammock making calculations, they weren't having honest, meaningful conversations, heart-to-heart conversations and decided together that since they were already arguing or in a state discord. Since they can't get along and have these little kids to provide for, these issues supersede their individual differences.
If they did have these conversations and nothing was improving, yeah, I understand, but again, the ideal thing would've been to have them work it out, to sit in a room and even if it took six or seven days for them to hash out their differences with a group of people present, even. Like an intervention. They needed to focus more on solutions.
Victor: Even if they agreed to separate, that shouldn't mean that our father needs to be completely separated from our lives. In hindsight, and thanks to you, I now have a fresh way of looking at the truth about my father. I appreciate your perspective, My-Tita. I LOVE you.
Franks malignment by our mom, who is supposed to LOVE us shows me how Franklin was made to be the victim in her place! I, along with all of my sisters, believed our mother which in turn bred much malice and hatred from us to poor Franklin.
ALL STARTING WITH ADA NOW I SEE, because of you, TITA!!
THE MORE SHE MALIGNED AND SCAPEGOATED FRANKLIN THE MORE INNOCENT SHE SEEMED!
SHE MADE IT SEEM AS IF THEIR MARRIAGE FELL APART ENTIRELY BECAUSE OF HIM.
SHE DID NOT TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR HER INVOLEMENT IN THE BREAKUP!
IT TAKES TWO TO TANGO AND TO HAVE A DIVORCE!
SHE COULDN'T WAIT FOR HIS LATE BLOOMING!
FRANK COULD NOT BE HIMSELF WITH HER!
TITA HAS REDEEMED YOU IN MY EYES NOW, FRANK.
WELCOME BACK TO MY HEART, DAD!
I LOVE YOU!
I WANT TO PUT A SMILE ON YOUR FACE! :)
- Victor Antonio Gruber-Vera
Tita: Like I mentioned, they should've gone through some very comprehensive counseling and come to some agreement realizing that they had young children to raise right. It was in the best interest of their young, impressionable children that they work out their differences instead of separating.
Anyway, the memory is this. I remember his mom mentioning to Victor when he called her and interviewed her that the marriage had actually been annulled. I asked him, "How could that be, Victor? As far as I know if you have kids together a marriage cannot be annulled." Annulled means that it never happened. Does that make you guys bastards then? It sounds to me like the marriage was erased.
But the marriage was bonafide. Not only did they do it front of witnesses and a priest, but they also consummated the wedding through sex. I have heard that that's one of the few ways you can get out of a marriage, to prove that you never had sex. In the old days it was about whether or not the wife was a virgin or not. If the wife is still a virgin she can remarry.
Victor: Bring out the hymen-checker. :P
Tita: What they used to do in the old days, or what I have read in my English literature courses is they used to put down white sheets. If the women bled after sex that was proof that she was a virgin when she was married. If she didn't bleed that was proof that she had deceived the man and the marriage could be annulled and she would be viewed as damaged-goods. The man would only marry a virgin, usually, right?
I know that, I have seen from Game of Thrones, that in the past when someone was marrying a monarch, the monarch and his spouse, whether it be a queen or a princess, gender didn't matter actually, but what they would do is, see, the family who was interested in the consummation of the marriage, would be present during first sex. They would be in a separate chamber that looked into the matrimonial room and witness it, because if there wasn't sex, there was no marriage. Back in Medieval times, at least in England and in Europe.
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