truly3italian

 

Italian

 

 

What’s red, green, blue, yellow, purple, and orange?

An Italian dressed up.

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What’s the definition of a cad?

An Italian who doesn’t tell his wife he’s sterile until after she’s pregnant.

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Have you heard about the Italian girl who flunked her driver’s license test?

When the car stalled, from force of habit she jumped into the back seat.

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Did you hear about the Italian who was asked to be a Jehovah’s Witness?

He refused because he didn’t see the accident.

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What do you call an Italian who marries a black?

A social climber.

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Why don’t Italians have freckles?

Because they slide off.

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Why do Italians wear hats?

So they know which end to wipe.

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What do you call an Italian with an IQ of 180?

Sicily.

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A little Italian kid was helping the construction crew build a house next door to his. He was acting just like the crewmen, swinging his little plastic tools around and swearing up a storm just like them. His mother wasn’t too pleased when she came to get him for lunch and overheard the kid saying loudly, “Fuckin’ shit, pass me another goddamn nail.” His mother grabbed him by the hand, pulled him inside the house, and said, “Giuseppe, I’m warning you—if your papa ever hears you talking like that, you’re gonna be plenty sorry.”

Hearing of Giuseppe’s misbehavior on his return home from work, the father said, “Son, I’ve got to teach you a lesson. Go out in the back and get me a switch.”

“Fuck you,” said Giuseppe, “that’s the electrician’s job!”

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Did you hear about the Italian who:

—Spent four days in Sears looking for wheels for a miscarriage?

—Took his expectant wife to the grocery store because they had free delivery?

—Took a roll of toilet paper to a crap game?

—Lost his girlfriend because he couldn’t remember where he laid her?

—Wouldn’t go out with his wife because she was a married woman?

—Bought his wife a washer and dryer for Christmas—a douche bag and a towel?

—Moved his house two feet back to tighten the clothesline?

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How can you tell Italian women are embarrassed by their long black hair?

Because they wear long black gloves to cover it up.

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How does an Italian count his goats?

He counts the legs and divides by four.

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How can you tell an Italian with kidney trouble?

He’s the one with the rusty zipper and yellow tennis shoes.

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Why are garbage cans painted international orange?

So little Italian children will think they’re eating at Howard Johnson’s.

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Did you hear about the Italian who cleaned out his ears and his head caved in?