truly3jewish

 

Jewish

 

 

W hat bites but doesn’t swallow?

A Jewish girl.

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Do you know how copper wire was invented?

Two Jews found the same penny.

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What do you call a JAP on a waterbed?

Lake Placid.

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How does a JAP call her family for dinner?

“Get in the car, kids!”

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What’s green and hates Jews?

Snotzies.

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What’s a JAP’s favorite erotic position?

Bending over the credit cards.

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What’s a Jewish ménage a trois?

Using both hands to masturbate.

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How was the Grand Canyon formed?

A Jew dropped a nickel down a gopher hole.

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This Jewish guy pays a visit to the local whorehouse. He’s too cheap to buy a rubber, so instead he wraps the label from his coat around his dick. Needless to say, this falls off in coitus, but he never even notices. Later the same day an Irishman purchases the services of the same girl, and just as he’s about to come he notices something fall out of her cunt. Picking it up, he reads: “Roth & Stein, Tailors.”

“Jesus,” he says, “where will those Jews advertise next?”

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Two Jewish woman are talking. Says Sophie, “Oy, have I got a sore throat.”

“When I have a sore throat I suck on a Lifesaver,” counsels Sadie.

“Easy for you, you live at the beach.”

“My daughter lives in a penthouse apartment in Miami,” reports Sadie to her friend Sophie. “She goes out to dinner every night at a different restaurant, has beautiful furs and clothes, and lots of boyfriends.”

“My daughter’s a whore too.”

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How do Jewish storeowners celebrate Christmas with their families?

They dance around the cash register singing, “What a Friend We Have in Jesus.”

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Why do Jewish girls think prostitution is such good business?

“Ya got it, ya sell it, ya still got it!”

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What’s a JAP’s idea of perfect sex?

Simultaneous headaches.

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First Jew: “Do you like pussy cats?”

Second Jew: “Yes, I do, but Pussy Cohen is okay too!”

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Two old Jews are standing at the urinals in a men’s room. The first Jew glances over and notices that the other one is pissing at an angle.

First Jew: “I see you were circumcised by Rabbi Steinberg.”

Second Jew: “I was, but how can you tell?”

First Jew: “He always cuts on a bias.”

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Unaware of each other’s presence, an Arab in his tank and an Israeli in his are motoring up opposite sides of the same hill. The two tanks reach the top of the hill at precisely the same instant, and there is a tremendous crash.

The Arab soldier climbs hastily through the hatch of his tank, his arms raised in a gesture of surrender.

Just as quickly, the Israeli leaps from his tank screaming, “WHIPLASH!”