truly3leper

 

Leper

 

 

 

Why did the leper fail his driving test?

He left his foot on the gas.

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What did the leper who was trying to lift something heavy say to the other leper?

“Give me a hand.”

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“Mrs. Morris, can Scotty come out to play?”

“Now, children, you know Scotty has leprosy.”

“Well, can we come in and watch him rot?”

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Did you hear about the leper who robbed a house?

He was doing fine until the dog started barking, and then he went all to pieces.

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A leper who was so ashamed of his appearance that he hadn't been out of the house in ten years was finally persuaded to take his family out to a restaurant in the neighborhood. While waiting for his order, he noticed a man in the corner pointing and laughing. “What's so funny, buddy?” the leper asked, walking over to him.

“Nothing at all,” replied the man, but no sooner had the leper sat down again than he noticed a woman cracking up at another table. “You got a problem, lady?” he asked, but she just kept shaking her head until he sat down again.

When a third person, a pleasant-looking young man, started roaring with laughter, the leper was unable to contain himself. Grabbing the young man by the lapels, he hissed, “Why the hell are all you people laughing at me?”

“Oh, it's not you,” assured the young man, wiping the tears from his eyes. “It's the fellow behind you dipping his bread in your back.”

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What's the leper theme song?

“Put Your Head on My Shoulders.”

And the runner-up?

“I Wanna Hold Your Hand.”

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What do you call a leper with herpes?

Redundant.

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What do you call a leper with herpes who also has AIDS?

Trendy.

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How did the leper castrate himself?

Jerking off.

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How come the leper couldn't speak?

The cat got his tongue.

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Why was the leper kicked off the relay team?

He lost the last leg.

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How come no one in the leper colony could walk after the war?

Because they were defeated.

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Did you hear about the leper colony against nuclear proliferation?

They're already disarmed.

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How come the leper couldn't tie his new, expensive running shoes?

They cost him an arm and a leg.

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Why did the leper pitcher retire?

He threw his arm out.

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What's small, green, and falls apart?

A leperchaun.

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Did you hear about the new social program in the leper colony?

Government handouts.

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How do you make a skeleton?

Put a leper in a wind tunnel.

 

And how do you make leper sausage?

Put a sock at the other end.

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What did the captain say to the leper crew?

All hands on deck.