truly3too

 

Too Tasteless to Be Included in This Book

 

 

 

Why can't you go to the bathroom at a Beatles concert?

There's no John.

*

What's grosser than gross?

Fucking a pregnant lady and the fetus gives you head.

*

What's grosser than gross?

Biting into a hot dog and finding veins in it.

*

What's grosser than gross?

When you open the refrigerator door and the rump roast farts in your face.

*

What's grosser than gross?

Finding a pubic hair in your Bloody Mary.

*

Why were the midget and the circus fat lady so deliriously happy when they were married?

She let him try a new wrinkle every night.

*

Did you hear about the man who ate his son?

He didn't know his wife was pregnant.

*

What do you do with a dead black?

Cut off his lips and use them for suitcase handles.

*

A very horny young man goes to the busiest whorehouse in town, goes up to the front desk, and orders a blonde with big tits. Sitting down on the sofa, he sees a bowl of tomatoes on the coffee table, and being pretty hungry, he reaches over and bites into one. Just then his blonde walks in, but at the sight of him she shrieks and runs back up the stairs.

A bit disconcerted by this performance, the man cancels his order and asks for a redhead with even bigger tits. He's just bitten into a second tomato when a luscious redhead materializes, only to run out of the room with a horror-stricken look on her face.

Thoroughly disgruntled by now, he asks for a brunette, but she too takes one look at him chewing away and runs up the stairs screaming. Going over to the front desk, the young man pounds on the counter and says, “What the hell is goin’ on around here? 1 wanna get laid!”

“You eating the tomatoes over there on that table?” asks the proprietor.

“Yeah, so?”

“Sorry to say, buddy, but those are last week's abortions.”

*

What's grosser than gross?

When your girlfriend does a split and your best friend's class ring falls out.

*

What's grosser than gross?

Feeling your grandpa get a hard-on while you're sitting on his lap.

*

A sailor on shore leave lost all but five dollars in a poker game. As he was very horny after several months at sea, he went to the local whorehouse and asked the madam if she had anything available for five bucks. “Well,” said the madam after giving it a little thought, “we can give you Beulah. She's a little old, but for five dollars . . .”

“That's great,” said the sailor, handing over his money.

The madam directed him to the last room down the hallway. Inside, he found the oldest, dirtiest, ugliest woman he'd ever seen. But as horny and broke as he was, he figured he'd go for it, first turning off the light so he wouldn't have to look at her.

As soon as he had crawled into bed the crone rasped, “Put it in.”

After a few moments, he said, “I can't. It's too dry and scratchy.”

“Wait a minute,” she said, and she sat up on the side of the bed, fiddling around with her crotch. The sailor couldn't make out what she was doing, but in a few moments she was back in bed. “Now try.”

He slipped in with no trouble. In fact, it was as warm and moist as a young woman's. “Hey, this is great!” he exclaimed. “What'd you do, use some kind of special cream or something?”

“Nope,” cackled the old woman, “I just picked the scabs off and let the pus run.”