4:14pm Haven't done much today, but I did have yet
another brilliant idea for spreading my word.
Today I'm going to Office Max to buy a little plastic box of pushpins. Then me and my lady and pups are going to go hunt around the town for bulletin boards. I'm thinking I can stab a pin through the corner of like ten little havethesejokes.blogs. This way people can rip one off and leave the rest for others to take. I'm going to try and find every single board in town. I'll be sure to note where they all are, so like in a week I can go refill them.
Then I'm going to go to the best weed store in town and buy some dabs. I'll ask to speak to the manager and see if she'll let me leave a bowl on the counter filled with little papers, which I will refill every time I come to get more ganja.
Just think. People who are going to this place to buy marijuana can check out a my free(and subversive) peace through marijuana blog disguised as a harmless joke site. Hmm, do you think it'll reach like-minded people this way? Why would I ever think that?
Nahhhhhh, never, right? HAHAHA.
Full steam ahead!
My girl is going to stay home, but she told me she would be in my support vehicle for sign flying tomorrow, if weather permits.
5:14pm Just got the idea to add the following to my letter to the police: "Are you not here to protect my constitutional rights? Because if you don't my legal team will have a field day with you in court. Who is your boss? Who do you report to, officer?"
I will also be sure to have pulled out my digital voice recorder so he knows I'm not kidding. I'll say, "It's not like I need it, but can I please have your permission to record? I have a bad memory."
Ooooh, that's sooooo cherry.
10:04pm
What a good update I have to make. I had a very productive rest of the day. Let's see, I went to Office Max and bought some pushpins for five dollars. Then I went out to the car and followed through on my idea from earlier, which works as perfectly as I thought it would. Look.
Hehe, see all the white dog hair.
I had three pushpins fully loaded and ready for any bulletin board. My first thought was Starbucks. On the way there I was going to pass this new thrift store where I'm cool with the Mexican dude who works there, but it was closed. There's a 7-11 right next to it so with my Ziploc full of blogs I was sure to scatter them all over the front. Even in the flower pots.
Then I got back in the car and drove less than a block to the next business complex. A gas station attached to a big shopping center. I went and put little pieces of paper in the weirdest places, pinching them here and there. I was slipping them through the small slit in the door of closed businesses and then blowing them inside. I scattered some in the flower pots of the Mexican restaurant that's there too.
I walked by a tattoo parlor. I opened the door and excused myself for interrupting. It was just the artist in the back working on a guy lying on a table. I said, "Hi, my name is Victor. I'm kind of a gonzo journalist. I've been all over the country. Will you please check out my ad-free, non-religious blog? It's really interesting. Whenever you get the chance," and placed one on the desk by the front door. He thanked me for stopping by and I walked out. That reminds me of a tattoo parlor back from my mission days. Here, let me show you an old guestbook entry:
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wanted to say thanx for coming by our tat shop the other night in the rain with yor word.if ever there s any way that i could help you to get your story out there |
He thanked me too.
Anyway, after that I walked to the grocery store. I went over to where all the shopping carts are lined up. I noticed that a select few had these plastic cup holders. Cool! I put a slip of paper in each cupholder. It was like five of them.
After the grocery store there's an auto parts place and I was sure to drop some in front of there. Then I walked across the parking lot to the Starbucks. I went inside and asked the cashier if they had a bulletin board. She asked me what I wanted to put on it and I told her I was a journalist with a really interesting ad-free non religious blog I wanted to share. I handed her my loaded pushpin, which it was obvious she didn't want to accept, and told her to look at it when she got home and decide if she wanted to put it on the board or not, and just walked out. For sure she's going to look at it, at the very least.
Then I walked right in the donut shop closeby which I knew for sure had a board. I just walked in poked my thing on and left.
Smoke shop next. The Middle Eastern dudes there know me and they smiled at me when I walked in. I explained what I was doing and they gladly accepted my blog. I told them there were 184 Chuck Norris joke, but he wasn't familiar with Chuck.
I went outside the donut shop to the place where they recycle stuff, that was closed, but I was sure to pinch my little papers here and there around the little wooden building.
Very productive distribution day. Tomorrow I'm going to fly my sign again somewhere.
Oh wait, I almost left out the most important part.
I went to the weed store because I'm all out of dabs. I drove the shortcut route I always do. It was getting dark by then. I drove in and parked in the parking lot. I had a little plastic container filled with little papers. I walked past the security guard and went in the door. I asked the girl behind the desk who the person in charge was right then and if I could speak to them. She asked me what about so I told her I was a journalist and I had a great free blog I wanted to see if you guys would help me spread it. I told her, "Here, look at my blog yourself, but wait until you are off of work, because it's very interesting and will distract you if you read it now."
She quickly pushed my little container back and told me some bullshit. She told me, "You know what? The boss is going to be busy for the next two hours and won't be able to look at it." I told her, "That's okay, whenever he or she gets the chance. It's online and not going anywhere." She still adamantly refused my advances.
I don't know what she was afraid of. Maybe she had just smoked some dank and was all paranoid, lol. Anyway, I told her, "That's fine, if you don't want to go through your management I'll just give it to all of your employees personally."
I gave her my ID and she checked me in. I said loudly, "Man, NOBODY wants world peace!" and walked away. I should have called her a good little slave, ha! Hopefully she reads this eventually.
So I go inside the main room where they sell all the drugs. There's a long line so to the three guys in front of me I say, "Excuse me, I'm Victor. I'm a bit of a gonzo journalist. Will you guys check out my free blog? It's not religious. It's my plan to do what it says on my shirt, hiding as a harmless joke blog." All three eagerly accepted it.
Since there was still a wait I hit them up for my story. I told them I was way out of practice and I hadn't told it for a while. I revved up story mode and started spitting it out. When I got to the part where I say, "I'll tell you exactly how I plan to do this if you are willing to listen and only then. I don't want to waste anybody's time. If not, just check out the blog when you get the chance." They totally jumped on the latter and I said, "That's exactly why I ask. Whenever you get the chance. No rush."
I am so glad I designed my stories with that loophole for people. Nobody wants to have to pretend to listen when it's really not the time to digest any story. There's a time and a place for everything. And since I am courteous enough to offer a backdoor, that should make a big impression on people and I'll eventually get what I want, which is for them to experience my eye opening blog.
It's like chess. I'm always thinking about future moves, subsequent effects of my peaceful meme.
Relax, I'm a professional, guys.
Anyway, when it was my turn the nice girl who helped me immediately told me she loved my shirt. I loved hearing that because I
knew she would accept my blog. So I offered it and she took it and thanked me. I ordered two
shatters and some peanut butter cups. $12 for the cups and $9 each for the concentrates, $30 total. I said goodbye and left to go back in the lobby.
I thought I had forgotten my plastic container so I asked the slave girl if I could go back inside to get it and she said okay. I quickly realized it was in the black bag with my concentrate I was holding, duh. I took this opportunity to go back to the nice girl who helped me and handed her a handful of papers and told her to help me spread the word if she's able. She said sure!
As I walked out the front door I told slave girl at the counter, "You'll hear about me, eventually. Have a good night."
When I walked back to the car, right before I got to the car I was fumbling around with the container, trying to get it open to offer blogs to anyone in the parking lot, and I ended up dropping it. It popped open when it hit the ground and sent little papers flying everywhere. There were these two dudes who were there to buy weed and one stopped and offered to help me pick up the little papers. I thanked him and told him be sure to keep one for himself. I told them it was littering for peace and one guy says, "Wow, that seems like the perfect way to get a message out." I said, "Exactly."
I ended up leaving like ten of them on the pavement.
Last night I thought of a new nickname, Victor the System Fucker. lolololol
Hehe, see all the white dog hair.
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