042807

 Portland, OR

Saturday April 28, 2007

     7:00am  I am leaving Jeni's. I had a good morning. I had a slice of pizza for breakfast. Today is Saturday so there's lots of people out there. I'm going to go fly my sign. I think I'll go to Powell first.

     7:09am  I walked all the way to Foster and 205, underneath the highway where the buses layover. The greedy ass driver won't open the door for me, so I'm just going to walk to 82nd. I got a dollar.

     9:23am  The greedy ass lady driving the 72 didn't give me a ride. Good little slave.

     9:51am  This ignorant lady at the bus stop, man. I just asked to borrow her, hold on THEN GO AWAY! IT'S A FREE COUNTRY! WAIT FOR IT AT THE NEXT STOP IF YOU CAN'T HANDLE ME! Screaming lady: "Why don't you go down there! I have a bus ticket." Why don't you make me? Ha, she said she was going to call the cops. Why don't you keep ignoring me. You're good at that. This stupid lady is making a scene at the bus stop. Making my story so interesting. I appreciate it, lady. The whole world is going to know how greedy you are! Hahaha. I'm a journalist, I'm getting this on tape. The whole world is going to read it. I hope you got nothing to hide.

                    Man, this lady just made a scene at the bus stop. I had run out of little papers to hand out, so I sat down by the bus stop and started folding, licking and tearing a sheet of paper to make little slips. This lady walked by and I asked her if she had a pair of scissors I could borrow. She flipped and yelled, "No, no, get away from me! I saw you asking the bus driver for a ride earlier. You make enough money, blah blah blah." I was like, "I don't make  any money! I work for free, lady." Now she's all complaining and trying to get me in trouble with the Trimet guy. Haha, sucker.

     10:42am  April just gave me a cigarette at the 7-11 at Powell and 82nd. I appreciate it, April. Everybody gets credit, thanks.

     10:56am  I forgot to tell you, I had a big run-in with a cop at the bus stop. I had asked some lady to borrow her scissors, this big fat lady and she tripped out and started screaming and hollering, "No! No! No! I'm not going to give you anything!" So you know me, I was going to have some fun. I called her a greedy ass right to her face and she got all pissed off and called the cops. The cop came and I showed him my second generation photocopy of an expired out of state license. He let me go, telling me, "If I get any more complaints I am taking you to jail for disorderly conduct." Yeah, copper, do what I want you to do, sucker.

     11:30am  I never told you, my friend Akim showed up! He bought me a Carl's Jr. chicken sandwich. And he smoked me out, Akim. He's my friend. He's my corner-friend. Made my corner beautiful with his roses again.

     12:05pm  John, just randomly hooked me up with a cigarette on the corner of 82nd and Powell. I appreciate it, brother. Everybody gets credit, man. Thanks.

     1:00pm  This lady in a white Volvo just drove up to me and told me, "I love the quotes on your website. They're great." Hell yeah, everybody's reading my shit.

     1:55pm  I am standing here flying my sign spreading the word on the corner and Dan rides up on a skateboard and hooks me up with a cigarette. I appreciate it, brother. Everybody gets credit, thanks.

     2:15pm  I forgot to mention. I stopped flying my sign and jumped on the bus. I'm going to go hang out on Alberta tonight. I only have one hour left to volunteer at Free Geek to get the computer. I'm going to see if I can buy some weed for three dollars. I'll go to Karen's house. They have lots of weed there.

                   Yeah, the first bus driver I asked told me no. I told him thanks anyway. Luckily, the next bus driver was Cathy with a C! She always hands me a transfer right when I step on the bus.

     2:40pm  I got off on 82nd. Let me go see if I can score at Ole Frijole. See if they'll hook me up for old-time's sake.

     2:43pm  They gave me the 'ol manager's-not-here bullshit. I'm going to go check the Taqueria Santo Domingo across the street.

     2:46pm  Abram me esta dando comida en la Taqueria Santa Domingo. Todo el mundo recibe credito, gracias.

     3:07pm  I came to the Alberta House and nobody's home. I'm going to walk to Karen's.

     3:16pm  I came to Karen's, but nobody's home. I just layered up on the front porch. I'll leave them one of my worn-out tennis balls as a memento.

                   Creative Commons. Okay, I'll check that out for sure. Thanks for helping me educate the masses.

     6:02pm  I waked by the Concordia Coffee House and Andrew let me roll a cigarette. I appreciate it, brother. Everybody gets credit, thanks.

     6:36pm  I had walked by the Concordia coffee house and met Bobby, who listened to my whole odyssey. In the end he volunteered me a nug, awesome. It's for a good cause.

                   We just came to his art studio here. He has a webpage. What is it? bobbyrosenstock.com

     7:55pm  Had a great presentation in front of Bink's with Natasha and some other girl with beautiful eyes, I forgot her name.

     8:15pm  I had a good time on Alberta Street telling my story. I was telling my story like crazy. I got to tell that pretty girl at the end my story. The one with the beautiful eyes. She was a little weird, but still beautiful. I had four bucks. I got volunteered three dollars flying my sign today. I got a dollar for a cigarette from Ali, Devin's girlfriend. I had four dollars total so I went to La Bonita and Juaquin, the guy who always hooks me up, hooked me up with a chicken burrito for only three bucks. On the way to the bus stop I stopped in the New Seasons Market and stole a roll of toilet paper out of the bathroom for Jenny's house. We've been using all the toilet paper that Hank, Aaron's dog had chewed up. Hehe, Hank Aaron. I've got a burrito in my bag. I'm going to go home.

                   I even got weed, hell yeah.

     8:43pm  I'm still sitting outside of Hot Lips waiting to get a courtesy ride. The last guy, some black dude was all, "This ain't the free bus, man. If you don't got no money you ain't gonna ride." I told him, "Okay, I forgive you, brother. Thanks anyway." He was all taken aback, "You don't have to forgive me."

     8:49pm  The nice driver driving the 72 hooked me up with a ride. I appreciate it, brother. Everybody gets credit, thanks. The last guy told me this ain't no free bus, hehehe.

     9:30pm  I should update. I got off the bus on Division. I am surprised I got a courtesy ride. Then I look in the bus and see these two kids, this couple in the back. I hit them up for my story and they were all into it. I had to scream my story to them and everything. I smoked them out. Then I thought I would go smoke out my friend Miranda. Umm, she's HIV-positive, but that doesn't matter. I've got protection.

                   I'm not talking condoms, I mean spiritual.

                   Okay, I knocked on the door of room 14, the room she lives in. Some guy inside yelled who is it and I asked if Miranda was there. He told me she wasn't. I said sorry to bother you and left.

     10:42pm  I had a great presentation right now underneath the 7-11 sign. This guy told me, "Yeah, I've seen you around." He didn't have time for the whole story, but I told him the important part. I'm just going to stand here and tell my story all night. I'll just catch the last bus home.

     11:07pm  Okay, I lied. I just got off on Foster Road. I'm going to walk to Jenny's now. It is Saturday night. I should stay out and tell my story some more.

Next day..