081203

 

Berkeley, CA

Tuesday August 12, 2003

     7:50am  I'm hanging out at the church with Ash and Christine. Ash smoked me out, gave me a hit and now I'm all feeling awake. We're waiting for food.

     9:13am  I'm at the Doe Library. I walked all the way to the library. I'm going to type up my stuff. First, I stopped and checked my email at the MLK building. I got an email from my mom telling me some stupid shit. She still hasn't learned.

     11:25am  I just lost my water bottle. Oh shit.

     11:27am  I found my water bottle again. I'm so happy. I was all, "Man, I really hope it's at the MLK building where I think I left it." When I walked in, I didn't see it in the corner where I had laid my stuff down earlier. I got a little closer and there it was next to the keyboard. Good thing I'm in Berkeley. That would've been stolen a long time ago in some other town. I was going crazy. What was I going to do without my water bottle? I was going nuts. I need my water bottle, and I found it and my one-hitter pipe is still in pouch, whew. I didn't lose it all. I was all thinking, "I wanted to keep a hold of that pipe until I got back to San Antonio."

                     Oh yeah, my mom sent me an email and I told her off. She started lecturing me saying that if I lived under her roof, I couldn't disrespect her like I had been. I told her I didn't disrespect her, that the only reason she was offended was because the truth hurts.

     11:34am  Yuki was generous enough to give me a cigarette. I appreciate it, brother.

     11:36am  Things got so much better. I was all freaking out because I thought I had lost my water bottle. Then I found my water bottle. You see, I needed to take a shit at the bathroom in the library. I didn't want to go all the way to that bathroom, even though I like it. It's really private. Then I remembered, "Oh yeah, I need to get my sign." I walked back and I'm going to go and get my sign. I left it over at my little hideout at the library. I was going to get some water at the library. The only water fountain that works is over by the girls' bathroom. I found it yesterday. When I was walking back, I saw some guy smoking a cigarette and he hooked me up. Awesome. Now, I'm going to go take a shit, get some water, smoke a cigarette at my hideout, then hit Telegraph and go to work flying my sign and collecting email addresses.

     12:34pm  I'm back on my corner flying my sign. I've only gotten one email address.

     1:04pm  Ryan and Jesse are smoking me out. For the cause.

                   Sweet, that was cool. I got smoked out and a cigarette. Man, see good things happen when I fly my sign and wear my beanie. Oh yeah, earlier Ryan and Jesse smoked me out not too far from my corner. In front of some apartment buildings. The dumpsters to the apartments was behind the gate I was sitting in front of and accessible through the parking lot underneath. After we toked, they took off and I just sat here smoking a cigarette. I see this cute girl go dump some trash in the dumpster. When she's done I say hello and ask her, "Do you have time for a story?" She did a double-take and told me, "What? A story? Yeah." She's going to come around and listen to me. Awesome.

                   I gave her the introduction-script and unleashed my California story. She listened attentively to the whole thing and didn't interrupt me one time. Like a whole half hour. In the end she said, "Wow, you really inspired me." I told her there was many a magical update to that story to bring me to my current status, but if she didn't have the time to listen to them, that I could just email it to her. She gave up her email address real quick, hehe.

     2:28pm  Ben hooked me up with a cigarette. I appreciate it, Ben.

     3:16pm  I'm standing in front of the Bay King. I'm going to spange up some money for an apple fritter($1.45). I'm hungry. Only when I need it, though.

     3:25pm  Wilbur hooked me up with a dollar. I didn't even ask him, but he stopped and read my sign. Cool.

     3:29pm  Seraphin gave me fifty cents. I appreciate it, brother.

     4:20pm  I want to smoke some weed, but I feel tired. I want to take a nap. If I smoked some weed, I could probably fly my sign some more, but ahh, I'm tired. I'm going to go to People's Park and ask around to see if anyone will smoke a brother out.

     5:05pm  I'm in People's Park. I'm talking to Donovan. I walked by and asked him if he had any marijuana he could smoke with me. He said no and asked to read my sign. I let him read it and I just told him my whole California story. He says that he channels spirits, too. So, let's see if anything cool happens.

                   Donovan: "I got a bunch of little pieces. I don't know if you want me to explain them, but I'll give you the little pieces I got. One thing I got was an image and that was life is a dance you do, or something like that. I get an image of you spinning things and when they come together and orbit around each other and spin off in another direction. So, it's a dance you do and both come away changed expanding a new sense of value. A new sense of openess, like becoming open to new ideas. The other thing I got was sexual, because you mentioned you wanted would like a girlfriend.
                   You have been living very much in the flow. That's great. That's amazing, the level of surrender and detachment and trust that shows a great example. That's an art. Bring in goal-setting as well. There is passive and also the active, so it's like you're being carried by the current and you are choosing the flow that feels good to you. Flowing easily with the current, as you do and being in the right place at the right time, as you are. You're obviously already doing that. And, at the same time you can also pick goals. It can be anything. It can be to have that traveling partner you yearn for, to strengthen an emotion within yourself. Like the Buddhist. They talked about instead of getting rid of anger, you practice loving thoughts and the more you practice loving thoughts, the more you get out of love. There are those kinds of goals, as well. Physical goals, or health goals. And as you set that goal, you are visualizing that positive future and that becomes like a magnet that gives the universe instructions on how to set things up down the road for you to get what you want. So you'll both be flowing with the current and actively acting as well. Which you are already doing."

                   Victor: "I still feel like I'm responsible for every decision I make. Everyone else thinks something is guiding me. I'm guiding myself. I might spot a coincidence that could be viewed as a sign, but me being out there not planning anything only improves the odds that these happen. Life is but a simple number's game. I'm playing the odds. I, solely, am deciding to act or not. I've figured this out on my own. I didn't need to read any book to realize these facts. They are self-evident. I do set long-term goals. Like this whole world peace project. I do plan to return to San Antonio, even though I've been considering not because of this email my mom sent me proving to me that she hasn't learned anything from all my trials. She's still ignorant. I've always thought San Antonio is my hometown. That's where it all started. I know it like the back of my hand. Antonio is my middle name. I will always return there. I wrote her back and told her I didn't need to stay at her house. I've got my network of friends around town. I would still love to go back, though. To tell everyone what I've been doing. I'm not going to leave Berkeley until I get my sign to leave. I'm still going to wait for that."

                   Donovan: "I also get that there's more in you like the talents that you have yet to discover. It might be tough. You might even find it challenging to integrate. That with the preface of one forgiver, you might start to get directions to extend your self-image to hold more of those talents."

                   Victor: "I'm going to evolve whether I like it or not. Look at my sign-flying. Since the beginning there's been changes and tweaks. I even know the next addition it needs. Also, at first I would just stand my sign up and ask people to read it while I pointed at it. But now, I've gotten a bit more aggressive and am carrying it around and sticking it in people's faces. Before when people would just walk by I would say, "Ignorance is bliss." but now I'm flat out asking them, "Have you always been that ignorant?" I've pissed some people off, but I've actually been able to reel a few back with that line. They do a double-take when they actually listen to me say I'm not asking for money."

                   I've got over three hundred email addresses already. Three hundred people who will listen to what I say. I am jumping the ignorance barrier. I just have to have my webpage, soon. I'm still waiting for Thad to contact me about it. He already has my files and all my loggings. I need a webpage.

                   Donovan: "Greetings Victor. Greetings from Jaiwa. It is a pleasure to speak with one who is so open to being a channel. To being a creative channel and to doing work that we are so eager to contribute here in terms of new ideas, in terms of a newer way of being, to be an example of that way of being in a new life. In terms of grounding those ideas and the actions in the physical plane, as you are. We would like to recognize you for this work. For these actions. And we would also like to acknowledge you as one who is on the leading edge in many ways. And, to acknowledge your great soul. To acknowledge the leader that you are."

                   Victor: "It is completely my pleasure."

                   Donovan: "In terms of what is an important message for you at this time, we can share that one area is the honing or is the continuous integrating of and experiencing of one's power and becoming that power, which can be called aggression. Honing that power and that ability to radiate, to be all you can as a continuing process. So, you can say that there is treasure in the belly and in the emotion. As the power in the emotion, as the power and in the belly for projecting one's ideas out, for radiating one's ideas and one's truth out into the world of people. And there's always the process of discovering more of who one's self is, and as one does that, removing identification from who one has decided they are. In terms of personality, it is though there is Victor the Personality and Victor the Soul. As a soul, Victor is an old soul. Victor has a lot of power. A lot of love to share. Then there is the personality form which we look into the past to find. The personality form is always unfolding. It opens more of that light, more of one's greater sense of one's self. The greater self.
                   Emotions and emotional healing are key to having the kind of impact you want to have on a large scale. When we say large though, we mean the really large. And, I get music for you. Making all parts of the self equally important. That could mean sexuality as well. Any part of us, any part of you that doesn't get full appreciation for the value it holds whether it be a sexual part of us, or an intellectual part of us or the creative part of us. Any part of us that doesn't have time on the stage of our life, so to speak, can be a part that can sabotage our goals. The full achievement of our goal. Do you have any questions? Did that make sense?"

                   Victor: "Perfect."

                   Donovan: "Cool, I got something out of that for sure myself. I always ask a few questions. I always ask, "Why did I meet this person? What am I suppose to learn?" When I got into that state, I get more clearly, for sure. Like when my posture is up and the night is quiet and my Giah's energy is present, it's easier for me to become quiet. Then, when I really look at you and me I ask, "What am I here to learn from Victor?" I get, "I will provide your needs as you visit." And I also get your "Willingness to be a part in the crowd and express what you would like to be, who you most want to be." Those are really attractive qualities that is partly responsible for why people are so eager to support you."

                   Victor: "I don't believe in god, I believe in Love. I think everybody's got it in them and it's all the same love. In the bible it says, "Look at the raven. He neither reaps nor sows, but god feeds him." I don't have a mainstream job, but Love feeds me. Generosity feeds me. My wants are few, so I'm pretty accommodating to others. I am logging every act of generosity because I have to give something back."

     6:38pm  Zack gave me a cigarette. I appreciate it, Zack.

     7:10pm  Wow, that's so cool. Today two totally separate people have told me that I've inspired them.

     7:49pm  I'm walking to the pool. I'm going to go take a shower. My back kind of hurts, because I have been standing up all day.

                   Oh shit, I forgot my sign. I gotta go back and get it. I knew I was missing something.

     7:52pm  Reverend Steve Leyba hooked me up with a cigarette.

     8:10pm  Another enlightened fellow I ran into in front of Andronico's, Bob was generous enough to give me five dollars. It'll come back to you, you know that. Bob has a walking stick too and he's showing me some writing on it. He says, "Well, there's some writing in it in a language that not many people understand. A shaman would understand."

     8:28pm  This sucks. I went to the pool and they didn't have any towels, so I'm not going to take a shower. I guess I'll go down to the MASC center downtown tomorrow. Damn Babylon.

     9:03pm  I'm walking to Hate Camp to get some pizza. I haven't been making too many entries lately. I'm kind of getting tired of making entries. It's because today was such an awesome day and very noteworthy. Cool shit happened to me. I inspired one girl and I inspired another guy. I met this dude, Bob and he's working on the same thing I am. He gave me a disk and he's going to be on my webpage. He's an older guy.

     9:05pm  Jim was nice enough to give me a cigarette. I appreciate it, brother. It'll come back to you.

     9:06pm  I was walking around close to Blake's and some kid who I didn't recognize . . oh yeah, while I was getting a cigarette off that guy I pulled out my tape recorder and made an entry. That kid asked me, "Hey, how's your mission going?" I told him about my great day. I told him about that girl I talked to earlier who said I inspired her and he said, "Yeah man, that's how it was when you first talked to me." Wow, badass. How's that for motivation?

     9:30pm  Here I am pacing around at Hate Camp. Hate Camp is what they call it but it's just Sproul Hall. Every night leftover pizza from Telegraph gets sent here for anyone to munch on. I was pacing around just thinking about what a glorious day I had today. I'm just following signs. Actually, no. They are my own decisions. I decided to initiate the conversations. If there is such a thing as spirits, how can they be placing people there for me. These people are there on their own prerogative. I am a product of my own decisions and how I increase my chances. Until it has been proven to me. Until I can understand it. Until something comes out and speaks to me or shows me with my own eyes, I just don't know. I don't know anything.  It just hasn't been proven to me, yet. All this really really cool shit happens to me, but I can't explain it. The only explanation I have that makes any sense is coincidence. People see that the message I am delivering has the potential to change people's minds. A lot of people's minds. Everybody already thinks like this in the back of their heads. They just know I need help and they give it to me. I improve my chances of getting help, by needing so little. The help I need is very minimal. They don't mind, because they can trust me. I come off trustworthy. I'm just doing this for the cause. I bet you none of them could imagine that I could ever kill somebody or get in a fight or lie or anything like that. That's just how I come off, because I genuinely see no point in that stuff. It makes no sense to me. I'm still waiting for pizza. I hope it comes soon, I'm hungry. I hope I can bum a cigarette afterwards for an after-meal smoke. As soon as 10:30pm hits, I'm going to go crash out at the laundromat. Early to bed, early to rise. Ahh, you know what they say. Alright. I'm going to go.

     10:10pm  I didn't get any pizza. Oh, there's more?

     10:11pm  Paul hooked me up with some pizza, after I thought I wasn't getting any. I appreciate it, brother.

     10:29pm  Hollywood was gracious enough to give me a cigarette. I appreciate it, brother.

Next day..