081904

 

Boulder, CO

Thursday August 19, 2004

     10:48am  I am so sick of this house. I can't wait to leave. But, I have a big problem. I can't get my files off the computer. The CD burner doesn't work. I really need to burn that CD. The Linux computer downstairs has a CD burner. I pulled the hard drive out and tried to hook it up to the Linux machine, but I couldn't figure it out. I need to go into town and ask people if they have a CD burner on their computer.

     11:27am  Man, I can't wait until I leave this house of ignorance already. I downloaded this Warcraft game for them and that's all they do now. I get no time on the computer. It's just a bit ironic how all these peace-loving hippies are all hooked on this war game. They play it all day. Man, I am not playing games. I am trying to save the world, damnit. Then that dumbass East Coaster Sean is all telling me shit. He came up to me and asked me, "So what are you doing today?" I told him, "I'm currently looking for a cigarette right now." Dude, I'm not going to help these hippiecrites out anymore. I'm going to burn my stuff and leave. This place sucks.
                     I thought maybe I could download IRC for Linux and DCC the files from the computer upstairs, but then Adam came in and he kicked me off. I got in a little argument with Sean last night. I asked him, "Exactly what are you doing for world peace?" He told me, "What? You don't see all the art I do?" I asked him, "And how is that going to bring world peace? It's not even yours. You just cut shit out of magazines and throw it all together." He told me, "Oh, you don't think that us playing games on the computer is important? You are undermining all these people." I told him, "Dude, not nearly as important as the work I am doing here.

     11:40am  Oh yeah, somebody said, "Free food at Delish!" That's where I'm walking to now. Cool, I'm going to eat.

                      I should tell Sean, "Man, the only way you're helping me save the world is by proving me right. Thanks for making my story so interesting."

     11:45am  Somebody yelled free food at Delish. I walked over and this guy named Ray is buying everyone lunch. I appreciate it, brother.

                      Ray is wearing a Compass Bank nametag and he told me, "Yeah, this is just a shameless promotion." I don't care. As long as I get mine, hehe.

     4:00pm  I am almost ready to make my leave. I took a shower and got all my stuff together. I even left them a letter on the computer here. Check it out:

"Dear Circle A Ranch,
                      I have been ready to leave for a while now. Today, I am finally able to. I was able to upload all the work I have done to my email address. Therefore, I will take my leave. I have a world to save, damnit. With or without anyone's help. I sincerely appreciate the time you have given me here, but lately I have been very eager to leave this house of ignorance. Nobody is taking me seriously. In the end, you guys are only treating symptoms, while I am fighting for the cure. I ask you once again, exactly what are you doing for world peace. Besides fueling the evil machine preventing it. WE DON'T NEED MONEY.

- Victor Antonio

p.s. As far as Sean goes. The only way you are helping me to save the world is by proving me right. Damn the ignorance in this world. Thanks again for making my 100% true story so interesting. That goes for all of you."

     4:27pm  I'm waiting for the bus out here in front of the Circle A Ranch. Man, I should have put on the note, "You guys are treating me just like the Babylonians treated Jesus," hehe.

     4:30pm  Got a courtesy ride on the bus. I appreciate it, brother. Everybody gets credit.

     4:48pm  I got off by the KFC/Taco Bell combo they got here. I'm going to go hit them up for free food. Ask and thou shall receive.

     5:00pm  Pou at the KFC hooked me up with some food.

                   Scored at the KFC. I called that right in front of this white guy, this Babylonian. Now, I'm going to go eat and bum a cigarette at the Conoco.

     5:13pm  I came to the Conoco next door and ate. I was reaching in the ashtray for a snipe when David hooked me up with a cigarette. After-meal smoke. I appreciate it.

                   That guy came out and gave me a cigarette and when I told him I was writing a book on generosity he was reminded of a good quote. He said, "Generosity paves the way for good people to find your heart," or something like that.

     5:20pm  I got David's email address. He works at the Conoco. He looked in my book he wrote it in and said, "Hey, you know my friend DJ!" The girl I helped wash her car. They're going to be talking about me.

     5:25pm  I walked to the corner of 28th and Arapahoe. Traffic is real heavy. I'm going to fly my sign.

     5:32pm  I'm just standing here on the corner giving people the peace sign. Everyone is reading my sign and waving back.

                   Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that earlier kids from the house drove by and saw me holding my sign. Perfect.

     5:48pm  I'm done flying my sign. I'm going to walk down to Pearl Street. There's still some daylight left.

     5:55pm  I was just walking down the street and when I got to a bus stop, the bus came. I asked him if I could score a free ride to the mall and the driver hooked me up.

     6:09pm  I'm at the mall already. Let's see if anyone recognizes me.

                   Dude, within five minutes somebody recognized me. They said, "Victor Antonio from San Antonio, right? Remember we met you right when you got into town and we told you we'd let you talk our ears off?(8-4-04, 12:07am)"

     6:15pm  Megan is hooking me up for the weed-fund. I appreciate it.

     6:26pm  I was all, "Man, I wonder how long it will be before somebody recognizes me." Before I knew it, bam, I hear, "Victor Antonio from San Antonio." We came to Casey Middle School to smoke some weed and hear my story.

                   Read Tribute Takes Courage, by Henry Matisse.

     6:49pm  Hunter, one of the kids I smoked with gave me a cigarette. How old are you, Hunter? Sixteen. All these kids are around sixteen. That's awesome. It's their world I'm saving.

                   Oh yeah, the hacky-sack that Sean gave me at the house, since I don't like Sean I gave it away. I gave it to Florence. Enjoy it.

     7:05pm  I forgot to tell you. This one kid came up to me after we smoked and told me, "Man, I'm going to read some poetry tonight. I'm scared." I told him about my shitty experience at open-mic night at the house. Then I got the idea that I should go sign up for this open-mic thing tonight too.

                   That's exactly why I ran into these kids tonight. Awesome, awesome.

     7:13pm  I walked down the street close to Penny Lane Coffeehouse, where they're going to have the open-mic. I walked by some Beatnik Bookstore and the guy outside asked me, "How's it going?" I told him, "I'm the happiest man in the world." He told me, "Well, that makes me happy to hear that."

                   Mike gave me a cigarette in front of Penny Lane. I appreciate it, brother.

     8:22pm  I have to make an update. I put my name on the list, but it turns out that spoken-word is on Mondays. All they're doing tonight is music. I might come back Monday, I don't know. I'm not even sure if I'm going to stay in Boulder much longer.

     11:30pm  I have a crucial update to make. It turned out that spoken-word is on Mondays, so I didn't get to tell my story. I listened to this cool band. Arubabel. They have a big bass. I keep wanting to call it a cello. Afterwards, I piled into their Doritos delivery van and we came over to a party. They're going to smoke me out. I appreciate it, guys.

                     Look where I ended up tonight. I said screw it, I'm leaving the Food Not Bombs house. They were treating me like they treated Jesus, hehe. Hippiecrites. I met these kids who I told my story to when I first got to Boulder, before I went to the house. They had told me, "If we see you again, we'll let you talk our ears off." They ended up taking me to some coffee shop, where I thought I was going to get to tell my story on stage. They only had music tonight. I wasn't sure where I was going to crash tonight, because I had just left that house of ignorance. Now I'm at this party talking to Dirt Dog. Dirt as in Earth. Dog as in wolf. He's forty one. We're having a good magical conversation.

                     Dirt Dog: "I'm enjoying nicotine. THC really helped even me out before I went into work today. It saves me, my soul and a lot of other people from a lot of treachery and a lot of ugly drama. Thanks to THC. Ganja as in weed. Cannabis Sativa, Cannabis Indica, pot, call it what you will, reefer, wacky tabacky is good stuff. The planet needs it. Dirt Dog out, take over Victor."

                     It's so cool that I ended up at this big party. Just for being out there letting stuff happen.

                     Dirt Dog: "Imagine this. If you knew what was going to happen in your life in every moment, and nothing was unexpected. If you had the rest of your human life mapped out and you knew exactly to the T what was going to happen, what kind of magic, mystery, beauty would you have in your life at that point? Would it be boring? Would if be filled with excitement? Each and every person needs to answer this for themselves. Me, I'm not a customer. Dirt Dog is not interested. I will take the unexpected. I love it. Chaos is beauty. It's magic. It's a dance. Victor, your input please."

                     I don't know. I think you are exactly right. I totally agree with you.

                     Dirt Dog: "Either you know or you don't know."

                     I do know. I see it loud and clear. As far as people go, how can we think everyone's the same? We're all different.

                     Dirt Dog: "Everybody's different? That's a tragedy. All these human drama queens attached to drama, and yet you are out here trying to change these people. Why? To eliminate drama? They want drama in one hand and you don't want it in the other. You know what that is, people? Neurotic. You're all attached to two opposing positions that contradict each other. That is the source and cause of all neurosis. Remember me. To be a warrior you have to be 100% true in your heart. 100% of the time. 99.999 is not acceptable. That is not acceptable. It's 100% to be a warrior. That means you are open and not fixed to any outcome, nor agenda. Just let it flow. Just go with the flow. Experience the magic. That is the warriors path. Believe in yourself. The source. Yourself. The all. The all is one and the one is all. As for making plans, I have reservations. That goes out to my friend Bill out in Maui, Hawaii. Hey Bill."

                     Dirt Dog told me about some search engine that kicks Google's ass. What's it called? The open directory project at www.dmoz.org.

     4:50am  Joey hooked me up with a cigarette at this party I came to. I appreciate it. Everybody gets credit.

Next day..