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Ventura to Bakersfield, CA

Sunday December 3, 2006

     8:53am  I haven't made an entry yet today. Let's see, I woke up around six or seven. Tina is going to take us to Bakersfield today. We left at eight. We're off and on our way there. I'm here talking to Tina's daughter. We came to Catholic Charities for breakfast. The lady serving donuts there, I told her about my book on generosity and she went, "Oh wow, that's so interesting!" I gave her my webpage. It's funny, when she goes to it it's going to say WORLD PEACE THROUGH MARIJUANA, hehe. Anyway, Nicole, Tina's daughter wants to say something into my recorder. What do you wanna say? The whole world is going to read it. Tina: "You." I already did! It's your turn. Say something. Whatever you want. What do you want to tell the whole world, Nicole? Okay, forget it.

     9:47am  We stopped at the Carl's Jr/Shell station over in, umm, hey, what town is this? I don't know. We stopped at this gas station and smoked a bowl. We're going to keep going.

     9:53am  Nicole wants to make an entry. Nicole: "Choo, choo, choo." Is that all you want to say? Nicole: "Quack, quack! Ribbit!"

     9:58am  "There was a lady eight feet tall. Slept on the floor with her feet in the hall. Matalacatalina something something something and a something something something was her name. She had twenty hairs that fit for a head. Ten were alive and the other were dead. Matalacatalina something roots in the wall and an Okapokaloka was her name. She had two eyes in the middle of her head. One was purple and the other was red. Matalacatalina something roots in the wall and an Okapokaloka was her name. She had a fly at the end of her nose. Dead or alive, nobody knows. Matalacatalina something roots in the wall and an Okapokaloka was her name. She had two teeth in the middle of her mouth. One pointed south while the other pointed north. Matalacatalina something roots in the wall and an Okapokaloka was her name. She had two hips like battleships. One stood still while the other took trips. Matalacatalina something roots in the wall and an Okapokaloka was her name. She had two feet like bathroom matts. Never got to ask her how she got like that. Matalacatalina something roots in the wall and an Okapokaloka was her name. One day Madeline had to get a new machine. Matalacatalina something roots in the wall and an Okapokaloka was her name."

                    What was the name of that song? Matalina Catalina 

     11:00am  We have landed in Bakersfield. Welcome to the armpit of California. Carol: "Did you just say the armpit of California? Do you have any idea of how right-on-the-money you are?" I know, you told me before. You hate this place.

     12:55pm  I am recording on a new folder. Folder B. I made ninety nine entries in Folder A. I'm flying a sign here on Ash Road and White Lane. I already got five dollars. Carol is on the other side of the street. In front of the AM/PM. I already got five dollars from some guy. He told me God Bless.

     1:00pm  Some guy just gave me some change, thanks. TRD Offroad. Let me get the license plate. 7V9206 California.

     1:01pm  Some girl just hooked me up with a coupon for free lunch for two at Subway. Hell yeah! Let me find Carol.

     1:38pm  This kid Anthony. These two young kids rode up on skateboards. They hooked me up with a couple bucks. Hell yeah. They told me, "Nice sign, nice sign." I gave them my webpage. I am giving everybody my webpage. Anybody with their window open I yell, "Will you check out my website? It's free. It's not religious, I promise." Everyone always goes, "Alright, thanks."

     1:44pm  Carol called off of the spanging. We're going to go eat. She needs to go to the bathroom. Hold on, let me count how much money I've got.

     3:14pm  I'm back spanging. I've been here for like half an hour or so. Some lady gave me three dollars. She pulled up in the parking lot and wanted to take a picture. She said, "My husband is a pothead."

     3:37pm  Bill called me over and he hooked me up with eight bucks! He pulled over right where that girl parked. Hell yeah. I am out of here. Carol's calling me.

     3:47pm  Carol called me off. She saw her son Kent who we were coming here to find. We already have our busfare back. We're ten dollars short of Kent's. All three of us should fly. That would be awesome. And if we don't need to pay for the bus we can use the money on the car. We might get a ride from this tweaker girl Kent knows. Hell yeah, Bakersfield is cool. Everybody says this place is a shithole from hell. These people are so oppressed they were happy to give. It's because everybody smokes. I was flying my dual-sided sign. One side said World Peace Through Marijuana and the other side said ANYTHING HELPS. Hehe, I am so undercover-bum here. We banked. No police or nothing.

Next day..