120402

 

San Antonio, TX

Wednesday December 4, 2002

                   Okay, this is Wednesday December 4th. I've had quite an interesting morning so far. It's like ten forty in the morning and I'm over here at the bus stop. When I woke up this morning I had left my password cracker cracking AOL passwords. It never worked for me before because I was on Windows 98 and winsock crackers don't work with 98, I guess. I remembered I had downloaded Windows XP for my mom so I set it cracking right before I went to bed. I had just run out of phish(compromised AOL accounts). I had been going to the private room where everyone steals accounts on AOL(pr: phishy) and IMed each person individually seeing if they would hook me up with an account. I had been doing that for so long that no one would give me any, so looks like I had to get my own. See, even AOL-criminals can be generous. It doesn't hurt to ask.
                   I had left it cracking last night and when I woke up I had five phish! I was like, wow. Now, the way I get these names to crack..umm I better not tell you about that, hehe. Anyway, I found one of those phish that was a master account and I made a sub account so I could send out all my ideas. I made the screen name: MONEY IS BAD. I sent out my stuff all morning. A couple hours passed and I decided I had things to do and I couldn't have a big lazy day like I had yesterday. I have to do something today. I have to go out there and walk and stay alive. Man, it's cold. Right now, it's freezing. I put on my thermal and my Enjoy Coke t-shirt. I thought it would be enough, thermals can handle a lot of cold. After putting them on, I went outside to smoke a cigarette(and a little weed) and I thought, "Man, it's really cold out here." I went back in and took off my t-shirt and put on another thermal. A bigger brown one that I have over my regular thermal. Then I put the Coke shirt back on and now I'm toasty-warm. I wish I had some gloves. I couldn't find my windbreaker. My beloved windbreaker which keeps me warm and it sucked. I lost that and I had a box of condoms in the pocket. A brand new, unopened box and it was probably going to stay unopened. I was going to take them on my trip. You know me and wanting to be prepared for anything.

                   I'm here right now at the bus stop waiting for the bus and smoking a cigarette. Right when I finished my cigarette I see the bus coming. All right. Now I'm going to sit down on the bus and write my list of things to do today, all my goals. My projects.

                   Okay, it's about one thirty now. I just caught the 605 to University Hospital. I just got the idea to go over to Easter Seals which is right next to the hospital. When I had been in this bullshit head-injury vocational program there, I had been given this badass pocket calendar that had a space to write on for each day of the year and in the back it had a chart of weights and measures, a place for your automobile service record(which I never use), mileage between major cities, first aid for choking, a list of important websites, a time-zone map of North America, a US area code listing, a page for addresses and phone numbers, a blank page for notes, map of New England states, Northeastern states, Southeastern states, North Central states, a map showing all the interstate highways, South Central states(which I used last July in the U-Haul), Northwestern states, Southwestern states, Alaska and Hawaii.
                   This little pocket-calendar has become my bible. It used to say God Bless America on the front, but I scratched out the God and I'm going to put We All Bless America with a white-out marker. I've used this book every day since it came into my possession. With it, I do not have to rely on my memory. It has just become another tool in my arsenal. When you write things down, you can forget it all you want. It will always be there. When I finish up some projects and have more time, I plan to scan each page of my calendar and post them on my website(whenever I learn how to make one). I will really be an open-book. My calendar tells a very interesting story.
                   But alas, the year is almost over and I need to find a new one. I went back to Easter seals on the 605. I walked inside, went to the main office and knocked, even though the door was open. That's one of the things they made patients in their "program" do. I knocked out of respect. I was told to come in and I asked Dr. Martinez, the psychiatrist who had given me a neuropsychological evaluation back when I was going there(I voluntarily withdrew after thirty days when I saw how big a joke it was, a lot like ITT Tech was a joke). I explained to Dr. Martinez my situation and asked him if they had any 2003 calendars. He told me it was not his department and that I'd have to ask Marcine, who was on the phone. Marcine doesn't like me too much. I don't remember exactly what happened, but while I was there Marcine and I just didn't get along. She's on this high-and-mighty power trip because she's in charge of the treatment team there. She's just a big fat insecure lady who automatically assumes she's better than people with head-injuries. We did not get along at all. Anyway, I waited for Marcine to get off the phone and explained my predicament to her. I asked her if there was any way she could sell me one, hoping she would just give it to me. She quickly told me that they didn't have any 2003 ones because the order hadn't come in. I asked her if she knew where I could buy one and she told me places like Office Depot. I have a little time to get a new one.
                   I don't have any money, so I'm thinking about stealing it. You know, just put it in my pocket and walk out. It's a pocket-calendar. No one will notice. Maybe I'll call Chasity up and ask her if she can steal one for me at the mall where she works. She's a klepto. I also want to ask her to steal me a Swiss army knife for my trip. Okay, enough about her.

                   Now I'm walking back to the hospital. I'm going to see if I can go up to the sixth floor and get me a couple Boosts. I'm hungry, hehe.

                   Okay, I'm up on the sixth floor in the Reeves Rehabilitation Center at University Hospital. It's about one o' clock or something so there's not many people here. There was some people playing with a Collie right in front of the gym, where I used to get physical therapy after my second head injury in 2000. I stopped and I pet the dog and said, "Oh, I'm going to go say hi to Gabe," all playing it off like I had a reason to be there. I walked inside and Gabe wasn't there, so I just darted to the nourishment room and there was somebody there with their back turned to me. Damn. They're out of Boosts. I grabbed this other stuff called Two-Cal, or something. Another complete nutrition thing. It has like four hundred and seventy five calories compared to Boost's two forty, and it doesn't taste half-bad. I don't have a jacket on or anything so I could only snag one. I just walked out towards the elevator holding it in my hand. No one even noticed.

                   Okay, I still have fifteen minutes until the bus comes. I want to go to North Star Mall and say hi to Chasity. I also want to see if I can find my old sports bag. I didn't know if they were selling them in the US yet or not. If I get the bag, I'll also buy a CD player for my trip. Hopefully, it'll be a nice day and I don't spend too much money.

                   Anyway, I came outside and smoked a cigarette. I wanted a little weed. I only had this little roach I put in my cigarette pack, so I decided I would spike a cigarette and take a hit. Ahh, yeah. I'm just sitting here waiting for the bus and this one dude comes up to me and asks, "Hello, can I bum a smoke?" I told him, Sure, man and start digging my cigarettes out my pocket. He then starts to pull out change. I told him, "Nah man, that's alright. I don't sell my cigarettes. Don't worry about it brother, peace."

                   Okay, I caught the 534 and I'm walking to the mall. This is awesome. I walked into the mall and wondered what store would have my bag. Right when I entered the mall, I passed the Foot Action. I walked in and this girl asked me if I needed any help. I told her I was looking for a simple, lightweight drawstring backpack. She pointed to an Adidas bag and asked, "Oh, you mean these?" It was exactly my bag I wanted. It was only fifteen dollars, too! What luck. Shweet.

                   Hmm, there should be a store in this mall that sells the Sony CD player I want for fifty bucks. I bought it at Best Buy a long time ago. I walked all over the mall, but I couldn't find any place that sold them. I then decided I would walk over and say hi to Chasity, even though I kind of didn't like her anymore. Hey, it was something to do though.

                   Okay, when I was buying the backpack, I told the girl, "Yeah, I'm walking to California soon, this is one of the things I needed." She went, "Oh my god! That's really interesting." I asked her if she had a computer and she said yes. I offered her my email address. She said, "I would love to have your email address." I spammed her.

                   Wow, those five hundred  calories really made a difference. I'm not hungry at all and I drank that thing a long time ago. I had two slices of peanut butter bread before I left, too. I'm considering going to the Best Buy across the highway to get the CD player. I was positive they would have it there. That's where I bought it a long time ago. I changed my mind about going and I'm at the bus stop now. I was told Chasity wasn't working, so maybe I'll surprise her by showing up at her apartment. I don't know. I don't need to plan shit. I just let things happen.

                   Dude, I got my backpack. I'm almost ready to go!

                   Singing Propagandhi: "Does it seem strange to you? The confetti? The balloons? The mile-wide grins? The victory dance to welcome in the heir, to this state of dis-repair. It sure seems strange to me. They're acting like they won the fucking lottery. Well, shouldn't they feel terror at the task that lies ahead. To feed and house the people that their system's left for dead? Could've I hit the nail much harder on the head? It's profits before lives. They're all motivated by greed. First they taught us to depend on their nation-states to mend our tired minds, our broken bones, our bleeding limbs. But now they've sold off all the splints and contracted out the tourniquets and if we jump through hoops then we might just survive. Is this what we deserve? To scrub the palace floors? To fight amongst ourselves as we scramble for the crumbs they spit out. Frothing at the mouth about the system that they've chosen for us. With every racist, pointed finger I hear the goosesteps getting closer. They no longer represent us. It is not our obligation to confront this tyranny."
                   Another Prop song: "I'm not going to try and tell you that I'm different from all the rest. I am subject to the same re-structure of desire and I've felt the same effects. I'm a hetero-sexist tragedy and potential rapists all are we. So don't tell me this is natural, this is nurturing. There's a difference between sexism and sexuality. I had different desires prior to my role-remodeling and at 6 years of age you don't challenge the claim. You become the same, or withdraw from the game and hang your head in shame. I think that's exactly what I did. Tried to sever connections between me and them. I fought against their further attempts to convince a kid that birth-right can bestow the power to yield insubordination of women and do ya know what patricentricity means? I found out just a couple of days ago. It means male values uber alle and, hehe whatta ya know? Sex has been distorted, vilified. I'm scared of my attraction to body types. If everything desired's objectified then maybe eroticism needs to be redefine. And, I refuse to be a man."

                   I'm a person, just like you. But I got better things to do.

                   Okay, I'm going down Wurzbach now. I have to stop at the GNC and buy some of my food. My Muscle Blast 2000 and I have to call Reba. I'm supposed to score a half ounce of weed for twenty five bucks. It's like three thirty now and she told me to call her around three. I don't know how I'm going to get it. I might end up having to take the bus out to her. I don't know, but that's one of the prerequisites for my journey, a nice sack of marijuana.

                   Maybe Chasity will let me mix up some of my Muscle Blast food at her house.

                   Okay, I just got out of the GNC. I borrowed the phone and called Reba about the weed. My friend Reba answered on the second ring. I asked her where she was and she said she was at the hospital. "In Medical Center?" I asked. She said yeah. I told her, "Badass, I'm really close by." She told me, "Well, since you didn't call me back last night I didn't bring it with me, but I can call and see if my friend who lives nearby can hook it up." If not, she was going to have to go all the way home on the Southwest part of town. She put me on hold and called her friend. She came back and told me her friend had it, that all she had to do was finish up at the hospital real quick and go get it. I told Reba that I was going to walk to Chasity's apartment and say hi and call her from there. She asked me, "What the hell for?" I told her, "Hey, we were together for four years. I still like to think we are at least acquaintances. I'm a nice guy."

                   Dude, it was cool. At GNC they gave me a 2003 calendar, for free. What luck. I wanted to get a calendar today, but not a full-size one.

                   Man, Chasity is such a bitch. I go up to her apartment and I hear my dog Stuart barking. You could tell he missed me. She answered the door all pissed off and told me, "I really wish you wouldn't show up without calling!" I told her I had just been to her work because I was in the mall and wanted to say hello. She said, "I really wish you wouldn't do that either." I told her, "I was in the mall Chasity. I was just trying to be nice. What the hell is your problem?" She opened the door and let me in, I don't know why. I asked her if I could use her phone to call for the weed. She gave me this dirty sneer and I told her, "Fine, I'll just go use the payphone." Why the fuck did she let me in? Stupid ass. As I was pulling out the change I asked her, "Are you sure I just can't borrow it real quick? I'll smoke you out when I score. I won't have her come here, I'll meet her outside or something." Chasity said, "I don't want to smoke weed(even though she does every other time I have some)." Earlier, on the phone she asked me, "Victor, do you mind if I write a book about us?" I replied, "Well, that's exactly what I'm going to do." She said, "Oh, really? Mine will be my side of the story. The true story." I said, "Yeah, whatever. We'll see, Chasity." Hopefully I'll beat her to the punch. She's so dumb. Chasity finally let me borrow her phone but Reba didn't answer. I left Chasity's apartment and walked to the corner of Gardendale and Wurzbach and used the payphone. Reba answered and I told her, "Man, Reba. You were right. I should have never gone over there." She was all, "I told you!" She put me on hold for a long time because she had to get directions from her friend. When she returned, she said she didn't mind coming to where I was. I told her I would be inside Baker Street Pub and hung up. I'll buy me a drink. Just one though.

                   I just bought me a shot of tequila for two dollars. Since I don't drink at all I asked the waitress, "There's a certain way to drink this right? I gotta lick the salt or something." She told me how to do it and I slammed the tequila down. I'm going to smoke me a cigarette and wait to get my weed.

                   Ha, I was in the Baker Street Pub and this old guy was sitting at the bar and asked me, "Hey, why do you have that stick?" I told him I was going to save the planet. That I was going to eliminate money and bring world peace. He said, "Man, that's Communism," and I told him, "Yeah, but what's the root word of communism?" and gave him all my scripts. I was just rattling off. He said, "It will never work. Communism is only good in theory." I told him he might hear about me soon. He asked me, "You're not going to blow anything up, are you?" I told him, "Just the opposite, I'm going to save lives."

                   Before I leave I'm going to sit down and write out detailed instructions on getting pirated software on the web. Through AOL and IRC. Anyone can do it, it's simple stuff. All you need is an Internet connection and you can get so much for free. Movies, games, pornography, you name it. Any human desire out there that is in byte form, which is almost everything now, can be obtained for free through the web. There's a shortcut to everything.

                   Singing NOFX: "Why do they try to make things illegal? Why do we have to be 21? They're so afraid that people are having too much fun. Why do you care what I do in my bedroom? Why do you wanna know how I screw? It seems to me you've got nothing better to do."

                   I'm sitting here waiting for Reba. Maybe she'll be able to swing me by Planet K so I can buy a pipe for the trip.

                   I'm going to go back inside the bar and collect Marlboro miles off people. When I was in there talking to this old man at the bar, I told him, "Yeah, I'm walking to California soon." He seemed impressed and gave me this piece of bread he had in some tinfoil. .

                   Argh, I hate waiting for a car to come pick me up. You just never know when it's going to come. At least with a bus you know around what time it's coming. 

                   That's cool, I just called Reba from the bar. She told me she'd be like five or ten minutes. I'll be looking out for her.

                   Reba finally showed up and I got in her car. I told her hi and gave her some cash and she handed me my sack of weed. I then asked her, "Hey Reba, are you pressed for time? In a hurry?" She said not really and I asked her if she minded swinging by Planet K. We went to Planet K and paid fifteen dollars for a little sneak-a-toke. It's totally worth it though. It's the same pipe I had when I got arrested in Marathon, Texas. So anyway, I got my old pipe back. I'm slowly becoming myself again. I put some weed in it and christened it. Reba was nice enough to give me a ride all the way home, so we were on Bandera and she told me that she had to go to Best Buy after she took me home. I told her, "Hey! I need to go to Best Buy too. I need to buy a CD player for my trip." She pulled a U-turn and we both went to Best Buy where I got my fifty dollar Sony CD player. It's the same kind I had before when I took off in the U-Haul. Ahh, the return of Victor.
                   Reba just needed to buy some blank CD's to burn some music. She was slick though. She saw that there were some twenty-five pack CD's advertised for four dollars. You know Best Buy and all their mail-in rebates. But, it didn't say mail-in rebate over where the CD's were being displayed. She grabbed like four or five of them. She told me about the deal and I thought maybe I should buy a pack too. I had my CD player so we got in line and waited. When it was our turn, the cashier scanned a pack of CD's and said they were ten dollars each. Reba said, "No, they're four dollars. It says it in your ad." The cashier said it was a mail-in rebate and Reba pointed out that it didn't say it anywhere at the display that the rebate was mail-in, and asked to talk to a manager. The manager came and looked over the scenario. He sided with Reba and told the cashier to ring them up at four dollars each. Reba suggested to the manager that he should change the display. The manager said he would do it right then. When Reba went back to get an extra pack, because I had acquired one she brought(it was a damn good deal, after all), she told me the manager was fixing the goof up right then. We lucked out. I got twenty five blank CD's for four dollars! Now I have to burn all my good music for my trip. It'll be some good walking.
                   Anyway, Reba took me all the way back home. My little brother is on the computer. Everybody's home and I doubt I'll get any time on the computer. I have to burn some music for the trip. Alright, later on.

Next day..