February 2, 2024
3:52am Today is my birthday, February 2. Tita woke up and she has some good news to share this morning.
Tita: I read a lot of cool stuff last night before I went to bed. It's something I want to share, but later. This I found right now. It says G1 and G2 Solar Storms, forecast for most of this week.
"This week the cosmos is ablaze with an extraordinary upsurge in energy, thanks to a series of intense solar flares and solar storms. If you are riding an emotional roller coaster, feeling profoundly fatigued, totally drained, it could be the cosmic energies at play.
Sleepless nights, restless mornings and a spike in anxiety can all be part of the celestial drama. Amidst these cosmic stirrings there is also a palpable sense of significant events unfolding adding to an air of expectancy. This heightened activity enhances sensitivity and could be fine tuning your intuition, bringing about major insights, revelations and clarity. Expect life-altering breakthroughs, time going too fast or slow, revisiting old memories, healing, releasing and resolution, closure, detoxing, decluttering and cleaning out the old, fatigued, overwhelm need time out for rest and recharge. Vivid dreams, waking between 2am and 4am, restless. If you see 11:11, 222, or 44 expect a sudden breakthrough." https://www.deborahfreespirit.com/
Tita: I hate to beat a dead horse, but Victor and I, we needed everything that happened last year to happen. As bad as it was and as scary as it was we needed it to happen. Victor and I have proven, the universe keeps bringing us together, there's enough to keep us together because look at what we have alchemized out of all the chaos of last year.
Again, we fast-tracked our relationship about ten years! From the beginning! I am an intuitive person! I knew it wasn't BS to bring Victor into my life. He was too amazing, I knew it!
He doesn't know this, but I am not a person to make rash decisions, such as let me join with this man, let me invite him into my house, I am not that trusting. The last man I invited into my house was Kaenan, who I knew for a couple of years.
Victor: How many holes did he punch in the wall?
Tita: Like thirteen holes. He needed to have been institutionalized or taken to a place where he could have healed. I was not the right healer, the point being, that Victor, I knew that he was the right person, and of course everyone in my family would think I am crazy for accepting another man in my house. What is she doing bringing this guy home she doesn't even know?
I am intuitive! I took the chance on Victor and look at what's happened five years later! We LOVE each other, we are our soulmates. Or maybe twin-flames. I don't know enough about twin flames, but we are meant to be on this journey together.
Last year was a huge test for us and we passed! Victor survived when he left and got to his mom's, I survived a near-miss while he was gone. It was beautiful. He is now going through the ascension-process, turning over into his soul.
What are the things that are painful for me? What do I have to visit? What happened in my past that kept me stuck? Victor is working out his own traumas. Victor is in the process of what I have been doing here and there.
My attachment to this house was a big chunk of where the stress was coming from. That's why this year I am unattached!
I am ready to leave, but last year he pushed me a little too soon. He is smarter than me, quicker than me. That's what pushed me into myself. I became a hermit crab. I shut everything out, I ate, ate, ate. I placated myself and I became depressed.
Yes, I was in denial and did not want to act and didn't know how to tell Victor that I wasn't ready right then. Let me pack on my own accord.
What happened when he left? When he left I got shit done!
I was sleeping very little as well. I was doing, doing, doing. I dieted on chicory, I had discipline, I chanted every day, I washed dishes and cleaned every day, I did what had to be done.
Victor did what he had to do too. He proved that the magic of the universe was still working through him after all of this time, that people's spirits were still good, and even though there are more crazy people out there than before, he did it! We also tested his family in a huge way.
Victor: It was so awesome how I got a ride from another Puerto Rican trucker! Just like twenty years ago!
Tita: It was amazing! Like I said, Victor's family got tested in a huge way and we have even connected with his dad and we are in the process of testing him too.
We, I've been wanting to extend to him and olive branch, because we don't know him. How do you know somebody?
Victor: By what they do and don't do.
Tita: By opening the door and saying, hey, I am here. Because I don't know you and all I have heard is bad about you, I need to deal with you if I want to heal.
Victor is in the process of healing his wounds and traumas. The things that have triggered him, the things that have held him back. He is seeing the negative patterns in his life. It's beautiful.
And his birthday, this is a nice marker. This is Groundhog's Day, El Dia De Las Calandarias. This is the midpoint between the winter solstice and the equinox. This is a very pivotal day. It's his day of balance, 2, 2. I am excited for today. Only good things are coming!
5:36am I am sitting here proofreading and Tita wants me to pick a random page out of Meditations and Mantras. What did I land on?
Tita: It landed on page 177 and the chapter is Raja Yoga Sutras and Practice. Victor pointed to number 32. This one is:
"The Nayamas consist of cleanliness, contentment, austerity, self-study and self-surrender. The Nayamas are of services which cultivates positive qualities. They involve purification, stilling the mind, self-discipline, inquiry into the nature of the Self and surrendering the personal will, or ego to the Supreme Will.
Aside from cleanliness one should cultivate indifference towards the body. Cleanliness means internal as well as external purification. A proper diet based on vegetarianism and natural foods, specialized Yogic cleansing techniques and the Yoga exercises keep the body internally-pure and free from obstructions.
Cleanliness also extends to the mind. Only when it is purified of all dross can it be a pure mirror for the reflection of the Self. Laughter comes from stimulation, but a smile comes from inner peacefulness. Satisfied with itself, the mind needs nothing else for its contentment, which grows in proportion to awareness of the Inner Self. The mind should not be effected by external objects. They may be possessed, but with detachment . Do not let them possess the mind.
Austerity means curtailing the insatiable demands of the senses. Drink water instead of coffee. Practice silence instead of talking(Tita!). Control greed by eating bland food. Counter-act sleep by getting up early. When the mind learns that its demands for pleasure will not be met through the senses it stops its useless wandering and turns inward.
Control of the senses clears the way for such powers as telepathy and clairvoyance. Study of spiritual works and the scriptures helps to keep a person on the right path. Books alone, however can only take one so far, and can lead to intellectual pride. Surrender to the will of god is necessary for ultimately everything depends upon his grace(victor agrees with everything except the last sentence).
4:44:44 Sweet, I just saw 4's all the way across on my watch!
4:55pm Tita: Well, we are talking about Victor. We just watched his Bohemian Travesty song and it's so beautiful. It is so purifying and so heartfelt, and it is funny. It got me thinking to one time when we did ayahuasca and Victor wasn't really sure how to sit with himself and process the experience. Like, he didn't have somebody guiding him the way I did when I first tried it.
He didn't have that, so he is doing it now himself with his blog! Victor is purging and emoting the way that someone who is going through a healing process does. He has been purging when he cries. Even last year when he started his blog all of these memories came flooding back to him. He is releasing the past.
Victor: Not so much releasing it, but learning from it so I don't repeat the bad stuff.
Tita: He is feeling through the mistakes that he made, healing through the memories. This is what everbody goes through when they recapitulate on their lives. It is part of letting go. You have to face what happened. Some people do it in different ways. I faced it easily with ayahuasca because I was ready for it. I was well prepped for it, over-prepared, I didn't even know what would happen.
I wanted the experience. I didn't know that everyone would cry. Eventually, I cried too. The crying comes from holding back. When we are touched through our heart either an old wound is reopened and it hurts, or just the memory of something sweet in our lives that we no longer have, all of these things are healing.
Victor has been doing it for a little bit over a year. It has finally happened. Again, what is he doing? He is purging to make room for the new. Every memory that he is touching upon, every connection that he is thinking of, every memory that resurfaces and then gets reprocessed according to his new filters, that's what you do in ayahuasca, that's what you do when you meditate. There are many ways to get there.
Victor has arrived at finding his way to heal!
Victor's healing has always been him at his computer. Victor's touchstones has been his expressions that he "writes" down. That's how Victor purges, just like any other author.
That's how Victor gets in touch with his memories. Due to his head-injuries, Victor doesn't have as speedy access to his memories as I do. Most people do. What happens when they process it? You hear it, you hear their pasts, everything that Victor is doing, you hear them because people have these stories. When other people hear them, what do they say? You are crazy, this happened a long time ago. Why are you still worried about it? Start living in the present moment, don't relive your past."
Well, again, reliving your past is necessary to heal. People have a lot to say because there is a lot going on in their minds.
Victor: What's cool is that not only can I relive my past. but you can too! Vicariously!
Tita: Because we are all trying to release the past and release the traumas, learn our lessons so that we can create a new world, a different world, the past has to be in the past, but it's not that easy.
These pasts can haunt you if you leave things unresolved. Victor's family, like we know, what happened in his family that caused him to be this way? Why has he not been able to have friendships? Why has he had problems with women?
What's going on with this guy? Why is his family so disjointed? All of these dysfunctions that I have noticed from Day One, he is now figuring out where the aggression comes from, why he is not able to communicate well.
This all has to do with his childhood. Like we know, a tree can grow bent if not guided right. What happens to us when we are young sets up how we grow up. What's going on with Victor and has been going on for almost a year is that he is shedding the old skin, by processing his stuff from the past.
We all have energetic centers. Victor has been blocked with abundance, that's Chakra 1, he was pretty open to creativity, but that was mostly because of his misuse of sex, the joy center. Now that he is in control of his joy center and abstains more...
Victor: You know you'll let me hit it whenever I want." :P
Tita: Now that he is more abstinent he can redirect his joy and creativity through his writing. Since I met him I told him that he needs a hobby. What do hobbies do? They bring you joy, they bring you creativity.
Victor: Right, one is creating something new.
Tita: Right, something that wasn't there before. Victor is now in touch and has been with his hobby that he used to enjoy so much before. Now, look at this, he changed the lyric to a popular song to something funny, beutiful and heartfelt. He is now blooming in his creativity!
He is expanding, it's not just logging. Its gone way past just documenting. If you look at his website, it has gone way beyond that. It is nothing like his original site because he has found all of these new avenues to peace and love!
Victor: It's about so much more than marijuana now.
Tita: Well, marijuana has always been a literal smokecreen to get people's attention.
Victor: Yes, that is one of it's many benefits. It is the perfect way to keep people from taking me too seriously, so they don't take me out, lol.
My ultimate goal for the whole world is to have everybody stop taking life so damn seriously!
Tita: I am just thinking out loud here.
Victor: Like you ever don't. :P
Tita: I am realizing that he is purging, that's why his stories are so long. That's why the story of his family took on its own life, because those are his dramas and traumas that he is now processing and getting through.
It's painful and it hurts and anyone who listens to him is going to say the same thing I was told and Victor told me, "You are crazy. You need to write this down, you need to get over it. You need to live life.
I am not telling him that because I am helping him. He can process and heal because I can do the dishes, I can go buy the food. I am like his container so that he can be free and have the freedom to do what he needs to do to heal.
Because Victor is not over it. He's in the story. It's growing because he is reaching out to people who are still alive and are part of the story and were a part of making and creating the dramas and the traumas that have shaped him.
Victor: I am still amazed at how so many important pieces are just falling into my lap. Like that whole Dark Empath thing you showed me recently. That's me! That picture is supposed to be on my blog!
Tita: Victor has weeded out the sociopaths in his life, Victor has weeded out the narcissists in his life, he was with a lot of energetic vampiric women, some faster than others.
He has become a very good narcissist hunter.
Going back to the blockages, we talked about creativity and the second chakra, he was misusing it through sex, through women..
Victor: Be sure to someday relay my experience with the bounty hunter assassins girl in Weed from when I was cleaning the creek.
Tita: Anyway, going back to his chakras. The third chakra is the willpower one. Victor has always had agency and good will power. Maybe that area has not been blocked.
What's the next one? The heart. Has he had blockages there? I would say he has had major blockages in his heart. He closed his heart because he had to. It's tough. It's tough to face heartbreak. It's tough to remember that your mom got in the way of a relationship with your dad. That you missed your dad, that you needed your dad, that's hard.
So what did you do? You closed up your heart.
That also has not allowed true connection between him and people in general. Especially men. When I met Victor I could tell also that the men in his life were there because he wanted them there. He was lonely for them, just like with the women. The men ended up being users(Warren and Matt Shearon). One by one, they showed their true colors and dropped away, because they weren't getting what they needed from Victor.
He had unbalanced relationships. Victor was lonely and wanted male companionship, camaraderie.
Matt Shearon was an example. When Victor told him no, that he wasn't going to vouch for him so he could keep camping on Ron's land, not mentioning that Matt was overusing weed, he was worse of an addict than Victor, he was stealing from Victor, he was mooching and living off of Victor, leaving his trash behind.
Victor: What did he steal from me, again?
Tita: He stole batteries from you.
Victor: In Matt's defense, he was there when Tracee attacked and was my key-witness when she called the cops on herself, resulting in her being hauled away by the police. I remember texting her over and over and over again with HAHAHAHA!
Matt didn't think I appreciated his help, but I did. Still, that doesn't mean he could continue to blatantly take advantage of my better situation, thus making it worse all around. He was from Houston, he was my home-state buddy. He was also an over-sharer. Worse than Tita, actually(there is such a thing!).
Tita: He knew much better, but he had very low integrity. He still came back wishing to live with you on the land. Not for you though, for your paradise.
Victor: I took a liking to Matt because he was from Texas.
Tita: Well, I liked him too, at first.
Victor: He was very smart too, but he wouldn't shut up. He was totally into himself.
Tita: He was like Tamar. He would have emotional-episodes. I witnessed it the first night I met Victor. I was like, "It's been ten minutes and he is still talking about this?" Victor said, "He is having an episode."
Again, Victor tolerated him because he wanted at least one friend! Who doesn't want at least one friend?
Victor: Matt was my walking-buddy.
Tita: I liked the guy too. Again, Victor had certain patterns of behavior including not telling people to take their trash with them, not asking people for money when they stayed with him.
These were ways that Victor was setting himself up to be taken advantage of. He didn't realize it. Anyways, these are issues that I have recognized with Victor. True friends will not leave their trash behind. Many red-flags.
He left Victor's orbit when he asked if he could come and stay with us. What did I say? Heck no, that is not somebody that I want in your life, and neither in my life.
He did talk my ear off. I would ask one little thing and I would get like half an hour of talk from him. Again, knowing he had emotional issues, I was like hell no. I didn't hesitate on that one. I felt pity for the guy, that he was in a rough spot. He was just not a person of integrity. Why would Victor let someone like that back in?
When Victor said no, I can't, I'm sorry, he was sweet about it. The dude blew up. "Thanks for nothing! You should've appreciated my help more!" He went off. He was not mentally-stable. A real friend would've said, "I understand, maybe I can stop by later because I really want to hang out with you more."
Victor: And he killed my marijuana plant growing outside the bathroom window!
Tita: He was not a true friend. I liked the guy. I am not saying I don't like him. But with Victor, once you set up a pattern with somebody, it's really hard to break it.
Anyway, Victor's heart has definitely been blocked.
Now let's go up to the throat chakra. Has Victor been able to express himself and say what he needs to say to people? I would say YES! That area seems to be very developed with his blog. Even before his blog he has always been very outspoken.
I also feel Victor has been, like me, too nice and still holds back what is truly in his mind, at times, and maybe said it while he was angry instead of in a rational way. We certainly all are a work in progress.
I definitely have an over-active throat chakra.
Next one is the pineal gland. Has Victor's third eye been opened? Is Victor intuitive? Does Victor have communication with the spirit realm? Can Victor see beyond what others see? Those are just some questions I want to put out there.
The last one, is the upper chakra, the crown chakra, the connection to the divine.
Has Victor felt comfortable talking to god? Does Victor acknowledge that there is an energy, not a noun, it's not a way to feel, IT'S HOW YOU LIVE. You LOVE BY BEING GOOD. Has Victor's connection to the almighty been an easy one?
I would say it's been a little iffy, because he doesn't trust 100%, in goodness. He doesn't fully trust in that connection. He still has traumas around the word god, and the concept that gringos and his religion taught him, that it's the man with the beard. I was never taught that concept so I don't have that blockage like he does.
There are probably many more ways that Victor can open up that crown chakra and start making that connection stronger, making it more part of his life.
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