022205

 

San Antonio, TX

Tuesday February 22, 2005

     7:56pm  I just woke up. Alright, I don't know what I'm going to do today. I should clean my mom's house today. Umm, last night was kind of weird. I kind of felt stupid with Ashlee. She's this Rastafarian native of San Antonio. Born and raised. She's so pretty and she knows how to roll joints real good. Last night was kind of weird. I hope she didn't feel uncomfortable. After what happened last night, I felt like I was starting to bore her. We came over to my mom's house and talked. I love kissing this girl. I told her yesterday that I was going to stop telling my story. After her walking off last night, I told her she was my catalyst and that I was going to stop telling my story to people. I told her, "I finally have something better to do."

                   I hope I'm not going too far with this. I hope I don't smother her and make her feel uncomfortable. She asked me if she could store a backpack at my mom's. Last night, she asked me if I could keep it there. She all insinuated that I'd look through it. I told her, "Why would I look through it?" She said, "Well, if you left your bag and my house I'd peek in it." Taken aback, I told her, "Well, I'm really glad I'm not leaving anything at your house. I can't believe you think I'd do that." It's not really that important. I don't know.

                   The thing with Ashlee is . . . she still wants a car. She still wants to go to school and be an RN. I asked her the other day, "Do you really believe that what I am planning will come to pass?" She told me, "Honestly, no, but it's good that you're doing this though." It made me feel like I needed to teach her some things. Last night was a bit uncomfortable.

                   Ahh, I feel like such a little kid.

     8:35pm  I'm out here in my mom's backyard smoking weed. JC, this kid who lives next door, he told me over the fence, "Hey Victor, you wouldn't happen to have an extra car? I couldn't get to my school and I need a ride." I told him, "Ride the bus. Where do you have to go?" He told me his school was over on Leslie Road. I told him, "Umm, just walk it. It's not that far at all. Like three miles." He told me, "Well, my dad said he'd come pick me up, but he works thirty minutes away. I told him, "We have two legs for a reason." I am so ashamed of Eddie and Peggy, his parents. They're raising him all wrong. They should know better. Damn the ignorance in this world.

     8:54pm  Umm, I'm going to try and stop smoking cigarettes for this girl. Let's see if I can do it.

     5:37pm  I forgot to tell you. Ashlee called me! She told me she was going to go look at some apartment, but she ended up staying home all day and just now she calls me. I called her like at eleven this morning and she never called me back. She asked me, "What are your plans today?" I told her I didn't plan anything and, "I was thinking maybe we could get together and have a talk." She said, "Uh-oh." I told her, "Last night was kind of a little awkward for me." She said, "Do you mean about the sexual stuff?" I told her, "No, that didn't happen last night." I told her, "I hate talking on the phone."

     5:53pm  The coolest shit happened. I had walked up to the Citgo and crossed the street. I was standing in the field next to the sidewalk waiting for the bus with Ashlee to come. All of a sudden I hear a car honking at me. It was Bo. He told me, "You looked like Where's Waldo standing in that field." I told him I get that a lot. He said he would be at the house later on if I wanted to stop by. I told him, "Guess who I'm waiting for." He said, "Who? Ashlee?" I said yeah, she was on her way. So, at least we can go there again and smoke.

     12:07am  Dude, I'm leaving Sam's. I'm going to get bitched out when I get home. See, earlier after I saw Bobthe bus came and Ashlee was on it. We walked to my mom's house. She had never met Ashlee. Ashlee stayed outside and I entered and told my mom, "Mom, I want you to meet Ashlee." She immediately snapped with, "She's not spending the night!" So, I asked my mom if we could borrow her car just to go to Bob's. My mom said okay. We drove over to Bob's, but nobody was home. Ashlee said she really didn't want to go back to that senile old lady's house she lives at. She asked me if I thought Sam would mind her crashing there again. I thought about it and knew for certain Sam would let her crash. I drove her to Sam's. Umm, I am still so uncomfortable with Ashlee. She's like the girl of my dreams, but she's just a stupid kid. She is so ignorant it isn't even funny. She wants a car real bad and has all these work ads clipped out of the paper. She will not listen to me at all. She's way ignorant. She refused to read more than the first paragraph of Fawn's Message to All. She was all, "I don't want to read the rest of this. It seems scary." She's proving me right. At first I kind of felt heart-broken, but she still wants to mess around and kiss. It's weird.

                     She just wants to have fun.

                     She won't let me take a picture of her. This sucks. She was all, "No, you're going to put it on the Internet." I asked her, "What do you have to hide?"

                     I cheated on the whole not smoking cigarettes thing. I can't fall in love with this girl. She ain't worth it at all. I'm not going to stop smoking for her.

                     Oh yeah, and Melissa. I think Melissa is awesome. Melissa from Sam's apartment who always gives me cigarettes. She let me tell her every single one of my stories the other night(2-18-05, 8:56pm). She has a beautiful smile. I just might have a crush on Melissa. She's thirty two, by the way.

     12:32am  I am back at my mom's house. I don't know about Ashlee. I left her over at Sam's and I don't know where we stand. I don't know if I can do this. This whole kissing and groping casually with her. It's like artificial love.

Next day..